Perpetrator and Victim? (“Just Violated?”)
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
It can be asserted that every violating perpetrator starts out as a victim.
Human beings learn behavior from somewhere… or from someone.
Generational patterns of different kinds of violations can play themselves out in families.
Secrecy.
Issues involving, but not limited to, spiritual and racial identity issues, anger, and, of course, sexual abuse all can be practiced and taught, from one generation to the next.
Generational patterns.
Generational… curses?
What do you see within your own family structure?
What keeps occurring?
What keeps being silenced?
What keeps hurting others?
“(Just) Violated?” Book Excerpt:
…Rages? Control? Throwing things away that meant something? Threatening him?
Was it all of it like what he practiced on my mother and me?
Sadism? Enjoying a weak person’s fear and pain?
In his child mind, did he decide, in a fear-filled and hurt state, “One day, I’m going to make them afraid of me?”
Revenge. Childhood can, unfortunately, provoke those dreams.
“Generational curses” were perpetuating.
My dad was born in the same house he lived his entire life, apart from a brief stint in the Army, serving in World War II, and then a care facility, shortly before he died. All his siblings, once grown, left the family farm, had marriages, families, and careers of their own.
My dad remained on the farm. He was a bachelor there until his late forties, living with his parents until, they both eventually had health issues and died.
He probably didn’t feel good about that. Especially being alone, with no female to look after his needs.
We see where this is going. It is a behavior. It is a pattern.
Being on that farm, and in that farmhouse for the first time in his life alone must have terrified him. I have mentioned how I saw, firsthand, that he didn’t like being alone. He didn’t like being away from my mother. Or, maybe, more accurately, he did not like her being away from him.
It’s not surprising, therefore, back then, as an alone bachelor, he made it his mission to “wife up.”
Entitled To…
…Perpetuate.
Here we go. It’s actively happening. He is pursuing “a wife.”
He wanted someone to take care of him: to cook, to clean, and to take care of his sexual desires.
So, when he met my mother, he probably saw his opportunity.
Get her!
He, learning his lessons about male-female relationships, felt, therefore empowered and entitled to play by that rulebook.
“Children learn what they live.”
And then, they grow up and perpetuate it on others…
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Unbothered
Whenever I try to distract myself from writing, and other assorted work and chores, I often scroll social media, cute animal gifs, and videos.
Recently, I came across one cat video, in which the spotlighted feline was confidently strutting alongside a spastic, probably clueless, puppy, zigzagging in and out of the path the cat was strutting on.
It did not deter our kitty, however. Instead, the creature just kept moving forward, sometimes, with perturbed ears, folded back slightly.
But, nevertheless, it kept walking.
The cat appeared to have mastered “The Art of Ignoring.”
You and I could learn some lessons from this fluffy feline.
It has to do with the issue of being “Bothered.”
Its definition?
“Mind, care, worry, trouble, concern, disturb. Trouble or annoy someone by interrupting or causing inconvenience.”
Yeah, I’d say that about covers it. You and I are bothered by a lot daily.
Big bothers. Little bothers.
Life.
Scripture has some things to say about being bothered. And, warning, these scriptures can ALSO bother us, at least, at face- or flesh- value.
Because pesky humanity simply just does not want to be bothered.
Right?
Let’s briefly roll out a few bothersome, and/or bother-themed, verses.
Count it all joy…
“Esteem it all joy, my brothers, when you might fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let endurance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 4:2-4
There’s just nothing like getting off to a great start (I typed sarcastically).
Seriously, who is groaning, throwing a pen across a room, rolling their eyes?
I can’t see you doing so, but I feel you.
Because I have done all the above… and then some.
I never declared they were my proudest, finest moments.
Still, human responses, and they are not joyful, are they?
The “various trials,” symbolically, are the embodiment of that spastic puppy, darting in and out of our life pathway. We, the equally symbolic cat, are tasked with the challenge to walk, and not only walk, but to also confidently strut forward in our destination.
Easier said than strutted.
The “Strut” is our confidence, a/k/a, our faith. The “perseverance?” We “press.”
“I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward calling of YHWH in ( יֵשׁוּעַ Ha-Mashiach) Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:14
It’s our continual walk, no matter what annoying puppy jumps in front of us. We are moving along. We are going from “Point A,” to “Point B.”
Unbothered.
Who is feeling like the confident Kitty in their life walk?
Yeah, I know.
We all need work here.
So, we keep going.
Next scripture?
Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…
“Even though I may walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4
This scriptural passage gets trotted out a lot concerning dread and death. Harrowing circumstances.
Dogs and cats.
A lot of us may believe that the dog could do far more damage to the cat, than vice versa.
But reality? Have you SEEN the ferocity of a feline, even one much smaller than the biggest, most intimidating-looking canines?
Go do a quick internet search for “kitten bossing around big dogs,” for instance.
“Exhibit A.”
Again, our strutting, unbothered, cat displays a confident, yet smaller, creature, moving along its path, with a determined, non-phased demeanor.
It was not scared. It was not cowering.
As the enthusiastic pup kept romping along the cat’s walk, you could just feel how, probably, several times, that morning, the puppy may have gotten a nose full of swiping claws.
The cat would have no problem, whatsoever, putting Fido in its place.
Smackdown.
Even if Fido weighed eighty pounds, to Kitty’s seven pounds.
Still, no match.
Unbothered.
Armed with The Truth of WHO is with us, In His Presence, Love, and Word, we have the ability and the authority to cause our own smackdown.
We put on the full armor OF The Most High (Ephesians 6:10-18)
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on the full armor of The Most High, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13 Therefore put on the full armor of The Most High, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of The Most High.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all Elohim’s people.
Tired yet?
Well, we still aren’t done.
Yay. How about some weights? Or, more specifically, getting RID of some weights?
Set aside every weight…
“Therefore we also, having such a great cloud of witnesses encompassing us, having put off every weight and the sin easily entangling, should run through perseverance the race lying before us, looking to יְהוֹשֻׁעַ,, the author and perfecter of our faith, who in view of the joy lying before Him endured the cross, having despised its shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of YHWH.”
Hebrews 12:1-2
Going back to our dog and cat here, we see how the cat struts-glides- seemingly weightless. It does not have a bunch of burdensome things attached to it. It is streamlined and focused.
The feline “keeps it moving.”
Likewise, we are to do the same.
Our baggage weighs us down. Issues, Our “past,” vices, addictions, anger, fear- all of it is some form of distracting puppy, hopping in and out of our life pathway.
Sometimes, it delays our destination.
And, yeah, many of us often can feel like our destination, our purpose, has come a screeching HALT!
We need to “keep it moving.”
A goal, a plan, a destination.
And that involves Our Shepherd Savior (John 3:16).
And even with death staring Him down, He CHOSE to keep going.
He chose us.
“We love Him, because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
He set the template. He carved the path for us.
Therefore, we follow… and become… Unbothered.
(It’s a process, sometimes frustrating, and error-filled).
How are you and I dealing with that path right now?
Off the path?
Stumbling?
Going in a wrong direction?
Besieged with distractions and weights?
He knows.
Even more reason why He helps.
He wants to help us get moving, moving closer to Him, moving closer to the call He has concerning our destined lives.
Want to walk a little more like that feline?
Let’s pray.
Abba,
I come to You, through Our Shepherd.
Your only begotten Son, Our Savior, יֵשׁוּעַ.
You know my walk. You know how I struggle and stumble.
You know if I’m only distracted with weights, sins, and problems, easily besetting me.
You know all. Forgive me.
Help me.
I don’t feel confident about where I’m going, or how I’m moving.
Even if I try to put on a brave front, You know the reality.
You know my fear.
Help me.
Move me along Your path for me. Help me to stay ON it.
Lead me. Guide me.
By faith, I trust You.
I am unbothered, knowing You are in control of my life.
Take that control now.
Thank You.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Emotional Outbursts (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Emotions and self-control.
They seem like they are opposing forces, don’t they?
Many of us are familiar with Proverbs 4:23, about the importance of keeping our hearts diligently, because issues spill out of it.
How many of us struggle to DO that, however?
Yeah.
Again, we are not separate “from them.”
The inmates. The prisoners.
And again, there but for The Grace of The Most High go you and I.
Many of “them” had an emotional outburst that landed them in prison.
Just one decision.
Just one out-of-control moment.
Sound familiar? Can you relate?
Try to, even now, right where you are.
We are given a spirit, from Elohim, of power, love, and a sound mind.
“For The Most High gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7
For so many of us, it can take a lifetime to understand that.
How much more, then, for those is prison, “doing time?”
Remember that today. It’s easier to judge than it is to empathize.
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Only Dirty and Unclean? (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“Their tables are covered with vomit; filth is everywhere.”
Isaiah 28:8 “
Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.”
Ezekiel 36:25
“The Son is the radiance of The Most High’s glory and the exact representation of His Being, sustaining all things by His powerful Word. After He had provided purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in Heaven.”
Hebrews 1:3
You’re getting cleaned up.
“Come now, let us settle the matter… Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18
You are His Beloved Child. There is purity where there once was filth.
Follow Him now.
Remember, He loves you so much…
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Teachers? (Thin Enough)
“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea.”
Mark 9:42
Besides notebooks, pencils, and school clothes, unfortunately, dieting and disordered image are on many kids “back to school” list. They are getting younger and younger.
And usually, it starts out with a comment, an inappropriate comment, that sends a message… a harmful message.
Don’t Ever Ask a Child, “Are You Dieting?”
Back to school.
I just started fourth grade. I was on the playground, at recess. “Mrs. K,” my teacher from third grade, was supervising, making sure no one fell of the monkey bars or beat up another kid.
She spotted me and greeted me. I felt special. Here was a grown up talking to me. I had respect for this teacher. Maybe now, as a fourth grader, I reasoned, I was finally mature enough to engage in conversation with an adult.
I was nine years old. I was finally “worthy.”
“Sheryle, you’re slimmer. Are you dieting?”
I felt flattered. I felt seen.
I guess, over the summer, I had a growth spurt.
I was an overweight child. I knew from being told, at age seven, that I was “fat.” I
had been on diets with my mother already at this age. We had, as our goal to be at our “right weight.”
At age nine, I was self-conscious about being at a “wrong weight.”
So, this interaction with Mrs. K felt validating, transformative. I felt I received a grownup stamp of approval. I was now worth something.
Because of how I looked.
“You shall have no other gods before Me.”
Exodus 20:3
“Sheryle, you’re slimmer. Are you dieting?”
I know my third- grade teacher meant no harm by speaking these words. Perhaps, she honestly thought she was complimenting me and building my self-esteem.
Her words were out of ignorance, not malice.
However, those words still had harm built into them.
She didn’t know the disordered eating reality I was already learning at that young age. She didn’t know how I was made to feel less than because of my supposedly fat child body. (I wasn’t “fat.” I learned, years later, that I was merely a child growing, with the awkwardness that comes with that growth).
And, from a place of faith, she certainly wasn’t thinking that she was influencing idolatry.
But that’s what body image, dieting, and being a certain aesthetic are: idolatry.
She first let me know my image, one that was “slimmer,” was approved of.
“Better than” what I was before, I guess, as that third grader.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of (YAH) God.”
Romans 12:2
She didn’t know that, as that new fourth grade student, I needed abundant reinforcement and lessons about seeing myself through The Most High’s Eyes, not anyone else’s eyes, especially the diet industry.
More importantly, I didn’t know I needed those lessons.
I could have avoided so much pain, and so many years of self-hate, had I been told, encouraged, and read for myself…
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”
Psalm 139:14
But, in that back-to-school moment, as that nine-year-old, I believe the grownup teacher.
I trusted that she would only tell me what was right.
So surely, me being “slimmer,” was good, even “better,” than who I was before.
Dangerous.
Do you see the dangerous teachable moment, whether anyone is aware of it?
“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea.”
Mark 9:42
Scripture, here, may seem to be severe overkill. In that moment, I knew Mrs. K didn’t actively attempt to kill me.
It was slower, more gradual and more passive than that.
She didn’t plant the eating disorder seed. That was already sprouting from my family environment. It would take a decade before I was at a two-digit weight, emaciated, and punishing myself with up to six hours of exercise a day.
It was years later, when one eating disorder morphed into another one.
She didn’t know; she didn’t intend that to happen.
Ignorance, not malice.
“My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.”
James 3:1
But this IS the caution, not just for schoolteachers, or even ministers of the Gospel, but for all of us. Adults, yes, but influencers and teachers have no age limit.
It is about influence.
We can build. We can harm, by how we show up and relate to others.
Childhood is referred to as “the formative years” for a reason. There is forming occurring. We are growing and changing.
And with “back-to-school,” this can be quite an obvious transformation process.
Kids come back from the summer having, for instance, grown six inches, getting braces, or getting braces removed from their teeth. Some kids lose weight; some “fill out.”
Whatever those changes are, there needs to be an awareness of how impressionable these young minds and hearts are.
As the influencer, be you teacher, coach, pastor, parent, or friend, please know your value system comes across to those around you. What you esteem as “good” or “bad,” “preferred,” or “rejected,” IS being taught to eyes and ears paying attention to you.
You hold sway.
Please make sure that the sway builds up, not tears down.
“…‘It is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.’”
Luke 17:1-2
What can you and I do?
Don’t call attention to body size and shape.
No matter how extreme the changes you may see in them are.
Be mindful that the person has heard, more than likely, how they look “wrong.” Don’t add TO that. Don’t “compliment,” either. That prioritizes value through image. That can add pressure to wrongly conform, like through a crash diet.
You may think and feel what you do about a person’s appearance. Don’t translate that into a “good or bad” estimation, speaking it to them.
Relate to them as the individual they are.
One thing Mrs. K did correctly?
She called me by my name.
“…‘I have called you by your name; You are Mine.’”
Isaiah 43:1
People love to hear their names. It’s about acknowledgement.
So, acknowledge.
Learn and call someone by their name. It signals “yes, I see you as you, not what you look like or what you do.”
Be mindful of our own thoughts.
Self-examination is spiritual.
Our thoughts, yes, influence others, for positive or negative.
But they also influence us.
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…”
Proverbs 23:7
What are we believing, saying to ourselves?
Is it causing harm? Is it helpful? Is it true?
We carry influence on others, yes.
But we also influence ourselves. And eventually, we go in the direction of our influencing thoughts. Is that where we want to go?
So, perhaps, we are saying words to ourselves like “fat” and “slim,” with value estimation attached to them.
What is that doing to and for us?
It’s doing something.
Is it glorifying to Our Creator?
“Back-to-school” season is not just about getting new clothes and school supplies for the kids.
It can be a reminder of the reset.
Change. Change of the seasons. Growth.
And yes, education.
Let’s get better educated.
And let’s pray.
ABBA FATHER-
We come to You in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
Forgive us for our negative influence. We have caused harm to others, to ourselves, and have hurt you by what we believed and have said.
You know our thoughts; You “perceive them from afar” (Psalm 139:2).
Help us WITH those thoughts.
Heal them.
Let them glorify You and build Your Kingdom. That includes how we treat and speak to others and how we treat and speak to ourselves.
Heal us of wrong and harmful value estimations, placed upon us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Help us to learn, to accept, and to embody Your Truth.
Thank You.
We receive it all, in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua,
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
What’s The Pointillism?
Do you see the tiny dots up close, or the total image, standing further away?
Pointillism, as utilized by the artist George Seurat, is the technique in which images are created through tiny painted dots.
Up close, we see only the dots. But, stepping back, getting “the bigger picture,” we see it takes a form.
It is some kind of image.
In his famous work, “A Sunday Afternoon On The Island La Grande Jatte,” we see an excellent example of Pointillism.
Dots.
So many dots that turn into people.
The little blonde girl is famously associated with the painting.
Look at her closer, versus the smaller, centered, full-length depiction of her.
She looks less like a girl, and more like a mess of colorful spots.
Features are harder to distinguish. It’s a lot like our lives.
Up close, messy dots, that don’t seem to take any shape.
Further away?
There’s a picture. There’s form. There’s meaning.
“For the heavens are higher than the earth; so My ways are higher than your⁺ ways, and My thoughts than your⁺ thoughts. For as the rain comes down—and the snow—from the heavens, and from there it does not return until it has quenched the earth and made it bring forth and sprout, that it may give seed to the one sowing and bread to the one eating, so is My word that goes forth from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty until it has done that which I delight, and it will prosper for that which I send it.”
Isaiah 55:9-11
Articulated Sheep
I love sheep; I have loved them since I was a child.
Especially lambs.
I recently bought an articulated miniature lamb, from one of those 3-D printers. Its body is in articulated segments, at its head, its legs, and its midsection.
Its articulation makes a clicking noise, probably similar to the sound of an insect. That sound has captivated my kitten, Holy Ingenue’s attention.
Cats and bugs.
Anyway, its articulated legs can splay flat on a surface, or be more column-like, standing on its own.
And, likewise, especially, if my kitten gets ahold on it, it can be flipped on its back, with its four feet in the air.
Like that of real sheep.
Yeah, it’s a common predicant for these animals.
Unfortunately, sheep can get themselves stuck, flat on their backs, with their legs stuck in the air.
It may look amusing or adorable, but it can be a deadly situation for them. They cannot “right themselves” on their own. And their own body weight can even cause pressure/suffocation for their bodies, as this stuck position is hard on their hearts.
Heavily pregnant, old, or injured sheep are even more vulnerable, stuck in that position. They need their shepherd to come up to them, grab them, and stand them upright.
Sometimes, the sheep’s legs are shaky once they are repositioned with human intervention. They struggle to stand or walk.
They are at risk for predators.
Scripture describes us, throughout its passages, as sheep.
Helpless, clueless, always getting struck in some type of briar, or falling off from some kind of cliff, at the risk of countless predators, sheep.
Hence, our Good Shepherd…
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13 The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”
John 10:11-18
He helps us to stand up correctly. He rescues us. He helps articulate us, not just our limbs, but all the issues and factors in our lives. He works to make sure that we can move effectively…
“…‘I will feed My flock, and I will make them lie down…I will seek what was lost and bring back what was driven away, bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick; but I will destroy the fat and the strong, and feed them in judgment.’”
Ezekiel 34:15-16
Scripture describes how it is not just WHO is an enemy to us, that He will deal with, but also WHAT is an enemy to us as well.
“Then the trees of the field shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase. They shall be safe in their land; and they shall know that I am YHWH, when I have broken the bands of their yoke and delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them. And they shall no longer be a prey for the nations, nor shall beasts of the land devour them; but they shall dwell safely, and no one shall make them afraid.”
Ezekiel 34:27-28
We have a variety of enemies, predators, issues, vices, weaknesses.
And, of course, we have the enemy of our souls…
“Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8
All of this may sound intimidating and depressing. It’s not difficult to feel like those stranded sheep, with their feet stuck in the air.
Yet, again, our Shepherd, Our GOOD Shepherd…
“…He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his Name’s Sake.”
Psalm 23:1-3
No matter what kind of sheep you are, one of the 99 or the one needing rescue, you are not too far gone.
Rather, you are marked.
You hear His Voice, because you have already been selected. That includes those of us tangled in briars, lost, injured, and with our feet stuck in the air.
You hear Him; He’s calling you right now.
Respond, then, respond.
This is your moment.
“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize His Voice and come to Him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow Him because they know His Voice.”
John 10:3-4
This is your opportunity to transform from paralysis to movement.
He wants to articulate you with His love…
“The thief does not come except so that he might steal and might kill and might destroy. I came so that they may have life and may have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
He wants to set you a-right.
Will you let Him in to do so?
Let’s pray.
Yahshua, My Savior, יֵשׁוּעַ.
I do fully come to You now, asking You to be My Savior, to take over my life.
You know exactly how I am stuck, how it seems like I cannot move.
I feel trapped.
I know that You paid The Price for me; You died for me.
Just like a Good Shepherd sacrifices Himself for his flock, You have chosen, chased after, and have decided to rescue me.
It’s overwhelming to think about; thank You.
Forgive me for my sins; You know them all.
Help me to listen to and follow You.
Help me to stand and walk. You know how shaky I have been in my life.
Help me.
Thank You.
I receive You as my Savior and Shepherd, by faith, now.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
College Reinvention? (Thin Enough)
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt)
…Diet and defeat, attempts and failure had become my way of life. That is, until one day, when diet became Victory for me. And little by little, attempt by attempt, pound by pound, inch by inch, I succeeded at cutting away the excess weight. But more than that, I found control, victory, accomplishment, perfection, and worth.
Question: Do you feel you must be perfect at everything you do?
I took control. “All right,” I said to myself, “if I can’t have the love, the worthiness, the me that I want, I’ll make it on my own.” Control became the name of the game now. Even though I thought it was the beginning of my promised land, this was when the real danger, the real wilderness began.
Question: Do you feel in control of your life when you control your food and weight?
The summer after my senior year of high school became my “put up or shut up” summer. As I prepared for college, I had a lot to prove—to myself, to the haunting jeers of classmates, to the boys who had not been asking me out. I had to prove that I was a worthwhile, beautiful girl. During my entire adolescence, I had been the fat girl, the “good friend,” the funny sidekick to the beautiful girls. But that would all change this summer. So I started another diet. At eighteen, I’d had years of failure at diet and exercise programs. But this time I was determined—determined to re-invent myself for my new life at college.
I started looking for role models I could pattern myself after. I chose Audrey Hepburn for her thin, delicate beauty. I chose Madonna to be my fitness and female empowerment guide. She was a beautiful, lean, muscular version of what I’d deemed a woman “having it all” was like. I thought they had perfect lives, and mine would be perfect too if I could be as beautiful as they were. I coveted who these women were. So much for the “no other gods” commandment. I was breaking that one daily... I pursued my own idol of perfect, thin beauty and self-obsession.
Question: Do you compare yourself to other girls and women regarding your physical appearance?
Idols are still around for the coveting and worshiping. That hasn’t changed. I found my idols in Hollywood.
In Hollywood, there is a trend for actresses to be an unusually thin size. It seems to be a competitive “who’s the thinnest one of them all” scenario, pressuring actresses to slim down to not just a size 8 or 6 dress, but to even go as low as a size 0. Size 0! Since actresses sell, in part, their physical appearance, unwillingness or inability to whittle down to a tiny size automatically translates into being “less marketable” and “difficult.” They can lose anything from their popularity to actual work in film and television.
Take for instance, the female cast of the television show “Friends.” When the show began ten years ago, the actresses were at more normal, healthy weights. However, the more popular the show became, the more weight the cast lost. Media controversy swirled around their thinning bodies. Whether or not they were anorexic or bulimic, it still sent a dangerous, confusing message: the thinner you are, the more successful you will be in your life and career.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had watched the series at 19, the thin, female cast members would have been my personal standard of what women should look like and be: a size 0 in all of its glory…
“40-60% of high school girls diet.”
—The Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorders: Eating Disorders: A Summary of Issues, Statistics, and Resources. http://www.renfrew.org.
…Question: Do you feel you are worthy of love only when you are thin or look a certain way?
Unfortunately, I bought the wrong product; I bought the lie. With my role models in place and my mind made up, I plowed straight ahead with my goals. I drank diet drinks that tasted like chocolate-flavored chalk. I started exercising on a stationary bike, a real bike, and a mini trampoline. The exercise sped up my success. I started losing weight and keeping it off! I felt exhilaration and power. I started exercising an hour every day, pedaling on my bikes or jumping up and down on the trampoline to music in my family’s basement.
For the first time in my life, people appreciated my body, my looks. People now referred to me as “tiny” and “cute.” People were now coming up to me, saying things like, “Keep it up,” “Keep doing what you’re doing,” and of course, (with a happy smile on their face) “You’ve lost weight!” I’d had years of people complimenting me for my talent, mind, “good personality” and “sense of humor,” but these new compliments were intoxicating! I realized the truth of the statement: “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” For me, being thinner qualified me to be loved and accepted by others.
Guys were now approving of me, flirting with me. They now hugged, touched me—they even picked me up and carried me around. I was thrilled. My whole life, I’d not been held like this, picked up like this, not even by my own father. And now guys were physically and emotionally whisking me off my feet.
I also loved the fact that I could wear clothes that were stylish, whose design wasn’t to camouflage, to hide, to deny “unsightly” lumps, bumps, rolls. I could go in and try on a size six dress and find it too big for me! Yesss! I could step on a scale, fully dressed, including shoes and a coat, and only register 120 lbs.
Each comment, lost pound, and lost inch gave me more of an incentive. As I lost weight, I found myself always in need of a new goal. If 115 lbs. looked this great on me, why stop there? I eventually became convinced that death—at least the look of starvation—was beautiful.I was envying the “beauty,” the look of the malnourished, the tortured—even those in concentration camps. I now went beyond looking to Audrey Hepburn and Madonna as role models and influences. They were now competition for me. If I could be thinner than these women, then I’d be better than they were as well.
Ah, at long last, control over something in my life. I couldn’t control who loved me or what was going on in my family, but I could control this! I could control my body! And soon this control did turn into something I’d hungered for, craved my entire life: power, power in the beauty, the newfound thin beauty I was discovering. College would be a new beginning for sure, I thought. I was the Sheryle I always thought I wanted to be…
Freezing Layers (Thin Enough)
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt)
One of my “goals” was fitting into a bridesmaid dress for my cousin’s wedding. She asked me in March to be a bridesmaid in her summer wedding. At that time, I weighed around 115-120 lbs, which translated into a size 9/ 10 dress.
By June, I was about 95-100 lbs and the dress swallowed me. I felt my accomplishment as the seamstress cinched in the sides of the waist. Yes, I was getting smaller. My cousin could only look at my mother in stunned, horrified disbelief. But, hey, I was successful!
Question: Do people around you (family members and friends) make comments about your weight loss/appearance?
I really started obsessing the two weeks prior to the wedding. Looking back on my diary entries, I wrote a repetitive string of comments like, “I’m not going to eat today or tomorrow,” and “I can’t blow it now. I’m so close.” I was desperate to convince my mom that I was just “slimming down” for a special occasion. To prove myself, I asked for the two of us to draw up a written agreement… In the meantime, I continued days straight without eating, accompanied by hours of excessive exercise, 2 - 4000 sit-ups a day, insanity etc., insanity etc.
The August wedding eventually came and proved to be both anti-climactic and tense. The build up, the hype, the “end-all, be-all” quality I had attached to it was replaced with a disappointing reality… I tried on the dress and discovered that’s all it was—just a dress. Yes, it was hanging on me, but it didn’t really mean anything anymore. I was too exhausted for it to mean anything to me. I had to pin the sides of the dress with safety pins…
Despite the fact that I was freezing, I was determined to wear this girly pink southern belle extravaganza off the shoulder. Mom, however, felt differently. With a look of disgust on her face, kept pushing up the shoulders on the dress. It was more than just a mother/ daughter appropriate dressing situation here. She was trying to cover up her grotesque daughter with her grotesque collarbones and her grotesque shoulder blades. I was an embarrassment, something to be ashamed of, repulsed by—again.
All day, I got double-takes and felt constant stares. Family and guests at the wedding, one by one, stared just a little too long, making me uncomfortable. Here I was, my whole life craving attention, but not this! People stammered things like, “Sheryle, you look, pretty” and “My, you’re thin. I didn’t recognize you.” They obviously felt uncomfortable saying it. A guy cousin of mine said something like, “Man, you’re thin,” (two beats of awkward silence), “but—you—you look—good.” He said it to me like I was in danger of dying right there.
It was a long day. I focused most of my concentration on just staying vertical and not fainting. I had accomplished my goal; I was skinny for this wedding. I was just too exhausted and hollow to enjoy it.
Question: Do you consider yourself to be fat even when people comment on how thin you are?
My mom held me to our pact when the wedding was over. I’d dress for my “weigh in” in my workout clothes, a leotard, or a one-piece number of some sort. I’d then wear my long johns over that, with a t-shirt, then exercise pants and the matching shirt. This helped a lot in keeping me a little bit warmer. I then added a large flannel shirt and some baggy jeans—of course; any jeans at this point were baggy. I was wearing jeans that I wore when I was twelve years old. I was nineteen now, and they were enormous on me. I wore two pairs of socks to top it all off.
I’d approach Mom, confident in my armor and I’d step on the scale. Because I weighed myself several times a day, I knew I should only register 80-85 lbs. But with all of this, I felt triumphant as I watched the needle on the scale flicker to the 98/99 lb. mark—a “safe” number for my family to see.
I was “safe” once again, even though I was tired all of the time. At least I was living “in control.” I started feeling really guilty, especially when I prayed…
“The God Complex” (Cancerventures)
“My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.”
Psalm 31:15
Beyond any medical community, expertise, and official reports, your times, and mine are, ultimately, in HIS Hands.
Still, for so many of us diagnosed, part of our advocating for ourselves and our “fight” includes dealing with “The God Complex” within the medical community.
(Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
…I have learned some things from my experiences. Some may be helpful to you.
And they go a little something like this.
First, no means no.
If you are feeling passionate about your own unique cancer experience, that is valid. If it requires you to say no to opinions and even treatment options, likewise, that is also valid.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This is happening to you, not them.
Cancer Legal Care:
If you have difficulty being heard and respected, my second bit of advice may involve seeking legal cancer advice from an entity like a Cancer Legal Care organization. These places are out there. Self-explanatory, they offer advice about what to do if/when you’re in a quandary.
If you have a situation like mine, the advice you may get may be to seek the charge nurse surgical services manager, a patient advocate, or the patient relations department.
There should be at least one of these entities within your hospital or clinic…
…The God Complex- Do as I Say:
My personal take, based on my experiences? The higher and greater the degree of specialty, the more likely a chance for an infallible ego to exist.
Surgeons, especially, have gotten the distinction of possessing this “God complex.” They feel they hold life and death in their hands; they often believe their way should be the only way. One small detail, however: the patient. The human, complicated and unique patient.
Doctors, in my opinion, can often get tunnel vision about data and results. A doctor can, therefore, possibly place less of his/her priority on the patient’s psyche and life- apart from cancer.
And, as I have experienced numerous times, they don’t like being questioned or challenged.
But, again, this is your life, your body, your experience with cancer. It is most personal.
And it is your choice. You’re going to live with what happens in and to you, not your doctor.
So, I don’t minimize the validity of a patient’s decision, even if it goes against the tide.
No, I am not the poster girl for survivorship and treating cancer in the “right way” (not that there is a “right way” in the first place).
Rather, I’m more interested in being the heard, diagnosed person. Call me delusional, impossible, unrealistic, or even suicidal. I see it as making the choices that are right for me, prayerfully, carefully, thoughtfully. But I still get to make my choice…
Hiding Behind the Panda (Thin Enough)
Hiding Behind The Panda (Thin Enough)
“…there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known.”
Matthew 10:26; Luke 12:2
“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”
Mark 4:22
I know what I’m doing.
I’m in control.
I’m fooling everyone.
I don’t need help.
No one knows what’s really going on.
“…In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
2 Corinthians 13:1
What are you hiding behind?
Hiding Behind the Panda
“…there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known.”
Matthew 10:26; Luke 12:2
This time of year, with its county and state fairs in full swing, I’m reminded of an eating disorder memory.
The summer before my sophomore year of college, I was at my lowest weight, riddled with Anorexic beliefs and behaviors. I weighed a two-digit weight, and my condition elicited concern from numerous friends and family members.
Still, I was determined to let nothing, and no one stop me. I was solely fixated on my goal of being thin, to an emaciated degree. I wanted no one to interfere as I went about my daily life.
And I thought I would achieve that as I decided to go to the Minnesota State Fair in late August.
Not so fast.
By now, my disordered eating tendencies felt as close to my normal routine as they could be. I got up early that morning, engaged in my punishing exercise, non-eating, and grooming routines. I wore a “normal” white t-shirt and jean shorts. There was, to my knowledge, nothing attention-grabbing about my presence.
But my fair-going experience would quickly show me otherwise.
For, as I walked the long stretch of the fair site, I noticed people’s stares. I seemed to run into families with young children. And the children, as filter-less as they are, gawked and pointed.
Although I could not hear the interactions, I suspected they were asking their parents what was wrong with me.
I saw disgust on the adults’ faces.
They could not get away from me fast enough. I had at least three of these encounters.
I wanted to convince everyone, even in this fair setting, I was “fine.” And it irritated me that people seemed to “know,” to be bothered, appalled, or fearful about my presence.
I wanted to believe I was doing well; I was not out of control. I was not sick. And, in this anonymous circumstance, strangers were disputing my well-being. I believed, sure, my family and friends who expressed their concerned thoughts were one thing; they could operate in a personal agenda to hurt me.
But total strangers?
And here’s where, I encountered the powerful impact about two or three witnesses…
“…In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
2 Corinthians 13:1
“But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.”
Matthew 18:16
I was a skeleton. Dressing me up for fun at the fair did nothing to change that. Neither did my desire to persuade others I was “normal.”
Still, I was thoroughly convinced I could blend in and not appear like I had a problem.
So, I decided to look like even more of a festive fairgoer.
I bought one of those huge stuffed panda bears and proceeded to walk around with that sucker for the rest of my experience.
Hey, c’mon. Look how happy I am; I have this gigantic bear!
I know.
But my panda strategy backfired.
For now, people’s attention wasn’t just pulled to the walking skeleton, but to the exaggerated image of a walking skeleton lugging an enormous stuffed animal around on a hot and humid summer day.
And make no mistake about it, that panda became quite heavy very quickly.
Plus, there was a large black Hefty bag I tried carrying the bear around in, to make things easier and more comfortable.
It didn’t work.
The Hefty bag drew still more attention to the skeleton and her panda.
The Great Minnesota Get Together! Let’s all go to the State Fair!
Point at the Skeleton Freak Show with your corn dogs.
I still clung to the delusion I could hide behind the panda’s cuteness. I believed it would camouflage my unflattering reality.
Throw a huge bear at it- exactly!
And I was oblivious to the Truth, bear or no bear: secrets get exposed.
“For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither anything hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.”
Luke 8:17
“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”
Mark 4:22
And, since eating disorders are all about secrecy, they’re up to the same fate as anything else is.
Yikes.
Eating disorders and their insidious, sick thought processes, include…
I know what I’m doing.
I’m in control.
I’m fooling everyone.
I don’t need help.
No one knows what’s really going on.
What are you hiding behind?
Perhaps it’s not a humongous teddy bear, but it is something, isn’t it?
For those of us in recovery from food and body image issues, the challenge is to identify the need to be presented in a particular light.
And then, from there, we need to confront our chosen props created to distract, to deny, to lie, and to hide.
Often, we can get so consumed by that obsession, we completely bypass the liberation which waits on our decision to embrace it…
“…the truth will set you free."
John 8:32
The Most High’s blessings far outweigh our hiding.
So, let’s come out from the dark and walk in empowering light!
Without the big bear.
Abba Father-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, and Our Savior, Yahshua.
You know we are hiding.
You know what we are hiding behind.
Forgive us and help us concerning that.
Heal the toxic secrecy that is not of You. Help us to walk in and glorify Your Truth.
Help us to heal from whatever it is that we are hiding from. We know we cannot hide from You.
Let us feel Your Love in that reality.
Thank You.
In Yahshua’s Name, we pray,
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
“Perfect” (Thin Enough)
“Perfect” (Thin Enough)
“May YHWH complete this on my behalf! O YHWH, Your loving devotion is forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands!”
Psalm 138:8
What is behind perfection?
Virtue? Goodness? Safety?
We often equate thinness with goodness.
And, of course, we can see goodness as perfection.
Why be perfect?
Why?
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt)
…We’d never had any father/daughter talks about anything, much less about the existence of a loving relationship, but I got up the nerve to ask him, “Do you still love me?” His answer? “If you do this again, I won’t.”
His answer proved it. It was my fault. I had to prove myself in order to be loved. I wasn’t the cute, good little daughter he should have had. If I could just look right and act right, he’d love me. All I have to do, I decided, is be perfect. That’s all…
In Your Small Town? (“IF You know?”)
Are you from a small town?
Do you think you know where you come from?
Or is there more to the story?
What ELSE is going on?
(“IF You Know?” Book Excerpt)
“In the Beginning…”
Genesis 1:1
The small, rural community I come from is from another era.
And even circa now, with the more modern updates of cable television, the internet, and cell phones, it still possesses its “frozen in time” character.
Growing up, spending my first eighteen years in that place, there were its bankable qualities. The town had a post office, a public school, one restaurant, a barbershop, a small grocery store, and some churches (they were all Protestant; if you wanted a Catholic Church, you had to go to the next town, about five miles over).
And its population was “white.”
The Norwegian and Swedish nationalities were present in most everyone’s heritage, including yours truly (Norwegian). The Irish and German nationalities were expressed in the town’s cultural backgrounds as well.
But was that all there was?
“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”
Exodus 20:16
My hometown, established in the 1870s, boasted about its history on its Wikipedia page.
Its population was over 700 in its last census.
The racial makeup included 97% White, 0.3% Native American, and 2.5% from “other races.”
And that sounds accurate.
Everything skewed “white.” The Protestant churches, the school, the restaurant, the grocery store, the barbershop, and the post office all were frequented by “white” people.
I attended the school with white kids and a few adopted Asian students. At the time, there was no Hispanic presence; that has changed within the past twenty-five years (now, over 10 percent of the population).
And, except for two black children, adopted decades ago by a white couple, there were no black people in the town.
I have often wondered about those kids. I wonder about their experiences living there.
What was school like for them?
What was church like?
Were they bullied by the white kids?
Was “The N- word” ever used against them?
And what happened with all the white adults of the town? Having no black adult role models around had to have been intimidating, right?
How did these kids even view their own “white parents?” What were the racial discussions between the children and their parents- or their teachers?
Was there anything?
Were these children encouraged to learn about who they were and where they came from?
I suspect the answer to that question is “no.”
And this brings me to a troubling issue, largely connected to the mindset of the town: the whitewashed education experience.
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy (YAH) God, I will also forget thy children.”
Hosea 4:6
I had that white education in the town’s small school system.
My history class recollections include outdated textbooks from at least ten or twenty years earlier.
And, concerning the American history textbook, there was page after page, mention after mention, of white Founding Fathers and Presidents. There was not much discussion about the 1960s civil rights movement. Yes, we knew about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
But anyone else? If you brought up Malcom X or Medgar Evers, there would be blank expressions on our faces.
Freedom Riders? Same thing.
And even concerning the Civil War, the education was woefully sparse.
First, there was a vague explanation of slavery. No one was looking deeper at its origins and its influence. We learned the North fought and won against the South, over the slavery issue and Abraham Lincoln was a Messiah President who made this enlightenment happen.
However, no images of black leaders could be found or discussed. Of course, there was nothing about Nat Turner; that was a little too disturbing, I guess, for any teacher to explain to a student. Booker T. Washington and W.E.B Du Bois, likewise, may have been viewed as too complex and impractical for white students.
And what about the very “white” abolitionist, John Brown? Are you kidding?
Nope, the only black leader, Frederick Douglas, was taught in my history class because of the one obligatory photograph of him in my outdated American history textbook. His image took up three-fourths of the page. Perhaps, this large-sized picture “made up” for the absence of other information.
So, what was the reason for this absence of information anyway?
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”
Proverbs 4:7
Was it because the teachers weren’t educated properly themselves? Was it the ignorant teaching the ignorant?
Or was it simply understood that all these white students, children of white farmers and homemakers, didn’t need to know anything beyond a white experience? After all,most of them will stay in the area and make similar choices to those of their parents…
If You Know?: Cruse, Sheryle: 9798272042019: Amazon.com: Books
C’est Dommage!
When I was in high school, I took two years of French.
One of the “romance languages.”
Regarded as highly sophisticated, expressive, known as “la langue d’amour,” (“the language of love”).
So, as I was doing vocabulary flashcards and conjugating verbs like nobody’s business, a certain phrase stuck out for me: “C’est Dommage.”
Translation: “That’s too bad.”
It was one of those statements that could accompany a shoulder shrug and sigh.
When life goes… askew.
“That’s too bad.”
Phonetically speaking?
“Say…Doe…Mahhhhge.”
(Say it with me).
Today’s French lesson, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Scripture tells us to think about certain things. This famous passage…
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is well spoken of—if any excellence and if any praise—think on these things.”
Philippians 4:8
Whatever is true…
Truth can be challenging to swallow. How many of us have been deceived, even, ever so slightly?
Ideally, “truth” should be a good thing.
Yet, its reality is trickier, isn’t it?
Because many of us are not happy about our life realities.
So, all too quickly, a variation of this French phrase, can, arguably, be depicted THIS way…
Damage… “too bad…”
That’s… damage?
Eh, yeah, come on, that often doesn’t feel like a good thing.
What do we say is “truth” for us?
“The Truth shall set you free.”
John 8:32
What do we say is “too bad?”
What do we say is “Damage?”
Being brutally real and honest, is “truth” seen as “a good thing” for us?
If not, WHY not?
“YHWH is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and He will not do? Or has He spoken, and He will not fulfill?”
Numbers 23:19
Let’s add that to “the list” of things we think on.
Whatever is honorable…
Too many of us are too familiar with dishonor. We have “settled,” perhaps. We are living beneath “honorable.”
What does that look like for you?
If you and I do not have an accurate depiction of honor, for any number of reasons, including abuse and betrayal, how could we even begin to recognize honor?
We would be challenged to see it, let alone, think about it, right?
“That’s too bad?”
Say… damage?
That’s… damage?
“Do not be afraid, for you will not be ashamed; and you should not be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth…”
Isaiah 54:4
What could that mean to you, as you consider “the list?”
Whatever is right…
Much like that of honor, the issue of “right” can be daunting for many of us.
We maybe were not presented with accurate displays of right and wrong. Maybe they were “flipped/reversed.”
“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.”
Isaiah 5:20
Therefore, if we are thinking about anything, even if it is something that should look straight-up clear and identifiable AS Honor, we may be confused, probably, discouraged, instead.
But Scripture tells us that Our Loving Father is NOT The author of confusion (1 Corinthians14:33).
That confusion did not originate with Him.
It originated from someone or some other source (Nothing like narrowing it DOWN).
Nevertheless, we can arrive at this place of… saying… it’s damage…
Say… Damage?
“You are righteous when You judge...”
“Against You, You only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in Your sight,
so that You may be proved right when You speak
and blameless when You judge.”
Psalm 51:4
When you and I cannot trust ourselves to know and do what is right, The Most High always can be trusted.
Add that to the “think on these things list.”
Whatever is pure…
Well, we just keep going from difficult to seemingly, more impossible, don’t we?
Purity.
That’s hard for many of us to accept and see play out.
Turn on the news. Be in relationships that let us down.
Watch human behavior.
For starters, huh?
It can be difficult to see purity when filth is all too easily prevalent.
“Their tables are covered with vomit; filth is everywhere.”
Isaiah 28:8
Therefore, we can find ourselves saying… damage, right?
Yet, yet…
There IS cleansing…
“The Son is the radiance of The Most High’s glory and the exact representation of His Being, sustaining all things by His powerful Word. After He had provided purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in Heaven.”
Hebrews 1:3
That Is part of what we can think on, even as we are challenged by “the list.”
Whatever is lovely…
Ugliness, likewise, usually accompanies dishonor, and sometimes, impurity.
And it is often more of the rule than the exception in our lives.
And ugliness is not made any easier when, like right and wrong, we invert loveliness and ugliness.
Because of my disordered eating and image issue track record, I did a lot of inverting.
I switched ugliness, or, more accurately, unhealthiness, to beauty.
I “decided” that concentration camp victims, skeletal, and starving, were my image goals.
Idolatry in its most extreme form.
Focusing on obtaining their image, minus the literal prison camp, I whittled down to a two-digit weight.
So, yet again…
Say…DAMAGE…
Eh, well, not so much.
Still, He calls us beautiful.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
“O my dove…let me see your form…for your form is lovely.”
Song of Solomon 2:14
“Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
Something to think about.
As we think about “these things.”
Whatever is well spoken of…
“Woe when all men may speak well of you, for according to the same their fathers were doing to the false prophets.”
Luke 6:26
Good reputation. Integrity. Character.
Things can get tricky a bit here.
Let’s face it. We all want approval and validation.
We like to be liked.
Being popular and wanted can feel much better than being rejected and invisible.
We often come from a place of wanting/needing to be loved.
Many times, it comes from wounds of childhood, including, but not limited to abuse, divorce, and addiction.
Unmet needs.
So, we seek these things out.
And so, we Say…DAMAGE…
“Woe when all men may speak well of you, for according to the same their fathers were doing to the false prophets.”
Luke 6:26
What are we thinking? What are we prioritizing?
Whose attention? Whose approval?
“For they loved the approval of people rather than the approval of YHWH.”
John 12:43
This is where things can become “too bad,” right?
We didn’t intend to go this way, perhaps.
Gradually, perhaps.
Nevertheless, here we have arrived, phonetically speaking “damage” in our lives, because of what we thought about.
You do it; I do it.
Excellence…
“…if any excellence…”
A spirit of excellence.
What does that look like? How does that show up in our lives?
In a world in which mediocrity and even poor choices are celebrated and catered to, excellence can seem impossible and unrealistic.
Yet, it stands out. It thrives.
What do we say to excellence?
Yes?
Or self-sabotage?
Most of us probably nod our heads towards that second option.
Again, we can Say…DAMAGE.
It’s easier for us to think and behave through disorder, dysfunction, and complacency.
Again, we all do it.
“Consider the lilies, how they grow: They do not labor, nor do they spin. Yet I say to you⁺, not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these.”
Luke 12:27
Flowers. The lilies of the field. A spirit of excellence there.
He is excellently moving for you and I.
Add that to “the list.”
Praise…
Like excellence, praise beckons us to choose it for our lives.
What do we give positive attention to?
What- and Who- do we praise?
What do we spend our focus, our time, and our energy ON?
We are praising something, even if we don’t loudly shout about it.
It has to do with what consumes our attention.
What do we say?
Is that thing a good thing, worthily deserving of everything encapsulating praise?
Or do we say… DAMAGE?
Have we decided “that thing” is “cool” for us?
What we “SAY” matters…
“Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Proverbs 18:21
What we say, phonetically, literally, unintentionally, even…matters.
We can say “Damage.”
We can say that things are “too bad.”
And we can say something else.
It requires us to stop and think.
And we can take the time to praise, even offer a sacrifice of praise.
Add that to “the list.”
And focus on things that maybe don’t align with what we deem to be important.
We focus on His thoughts for us instead.
I know. It’s challenging.
We all make choices that fall short of His Glory (Romans 3:23).
But, because of His new mercies, new every day (Lamentations 3:23), we can get new opportunities to start again.
We can start saying “C’est magnifique!”(“That’s magnificent”)… instead.
Let’s pray.
Abba Father-
I come to You, in The Name of Your Son, My Savior, Yahshua.
You know, fully well what has been “too bad” in my life.
You know what I have lived through.
And You know what I’m thinking about.
You know, day by day, what consumes my thoughts.
Forgive me for thinking things that are far from Your thoughts, from things that do not glorify You.
Help me.
Help me to align my attention to You, to Your ways, which are so much higher than mine.
I cannot do this on my own. I need Your Help.
Thank You for loving me, for thinking so many thoughts of me.
Help me think and live in a closer relationship with You.
In The Name of Yahshua, I pray.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
“At Least He Doesn’t Hit Us.” (“Just Violated?”)
“At Least He Doesn’t Hit Us.” (“Just Violated?”)
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of Thew Most High.”
Ephesians 6:4
What WAS that?
Abuse?
Violation?
Why is being beaten up physically the “real” kind of abuse?
Being harmed can occur with no physical touch being laid upon us.
It WAS that bad.
It WAS abuse.
It DID count!
(“Just Violated?” Book Excerpt)
…The Mouse.
The house I grew up in was built around the 19 teens.
Why am I mentioning this?
Because, this house, being what it was, had structural issues and cracks.
The basement, when it was built, only had a dirt floor. It was like walking back into an early 1900s cellar, walking down those original, rickety wooden steps, set against a crumbling plaster wall. Dirt floor.
Not cement. Not linoleum. Not wood. Not carpet.
Dirt.
Stayed that way. Never upgraded.
And therefore, this area was invaded by mice.
And they traveled upstairs. Mousetraps were set in the kitchen.
Rodent poison was the solution for the basement. The kind that caused the mice to bleed from their eyes, noses, and mouths.
Grizzly.
My dad- the Sadist/Abuser/Probable Rapist- saw an opportunity here, not just a rodent.
I was about five or six. I was asleep. Until I wasn’t.
I felt something tickle my nose, brush up against my cheek. I opened my eyes, to brush it away from my face.
I see a face instead. A dead mouse’s face. It took up my entire field of vision at first.
Bleary-eyed, and startled, I looked past that dead face.
I saw him, sneering, at the end of the poor creature’s body, its tail, dangling from his fingertips.
The corpse is now swinging more, as he is laughing. I don’t know what to think or do.
Is he really doing this?
Why is he doing this?
Why is he laughing?
I know I cannot be mad at him. Unsafe to do so.
I can’t cry, either. Unsafe there, too.
I let him laugh.
I am awake now. I try not to react. Just let him be entertained. Amused.
Get on with things.
At least, he only dangled a mouse caught in the trap. There was not a mouse with bleeding eyes, nose, and mouth waking me up…
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Unlikely? Pink and Blue?
“There is nothing new under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 1:9
“Unlikely.”
I am, just as much as “they” are.
“The Gentlemen,” AS Gentlemen.
A lot of what I’ve lived, endured, survived, and written about is “girl stuff.”
The girl stuff?
It translates to Gentlemen, even these “unlikely” gentlemen- these “prisoners.”
Eating disorders? Check.
Breast cancer? Pink ribbon- check.
Amazon.com: Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman eBook : Cruse, Sheryle: Kindle Store
But…
“There is nothing new under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 1:9
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Manifesting…
What are you “manifesting” today?
Or, more to the point, “WHO” are you manifesting today?
(Hint: John 3:16)
“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life— the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us.”
1 John 1:1-2
Fuzzy Bodyguard? (Cancerventures)
