Purpose (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Proverbs 13:12
When you and I think of prisoners, do we see purpose in their lives?
Or do we write them off as hopeless and pointless?
(“Hello, Gentlemen…” Book Excerpt)
You wanted to see it happen. And you felt like it didn’t.
Maybe, the exact opposite showed up, contributing, even, to you being “in here.”
“Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
Proverbs 23:18
You may be feeling NONE of that now.
Bitterness, cynicism, guilt, and shame may be the only things occupying your thoughts right now.
Maybe you think that things like hope, faith, a future and a purpose will work for other people, but not you.
You are “too hopeless,” You blew your chance.
You’re “in here.” Your life is over.
And, to that, I say…
“It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”
Isaiah 55:11
This isn’t about a bunch of “thee’s” and “thou’s.”
This has to do with What He decided and said about you.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Elohim, and the Word was Elohim.”
John 1:1
Have you ever heard about how Our Savior, Yahshua, IS The Word?
He was the intentional plan for you all along.
The Most High knew that you needed a Savior.
He knew about the circumstances that would bring you to a place of desolation, to your place of prison: a literal place of prison, as well as a prison of your mind, heart, body, and life.
A prison of issues.
He knew you would need rescue.
“Blessed be The Most High and Father of our (Master Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Jesus Christ from the dead.”
1 Peter 1:3
So, Yahshua…
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Financial Abuse? (“Just Violated?”)
Violation and abuse can often come through money.
Have you experienced that?
Have you experienced someone else controlling what you can and cannot do, who you can and cannot be, all through the means of money?
It is abusive. It is harmful.
Yes, it IS that bad.
And The Most High sees what you have gone through.
He does not minimize any of your pain.
Turn to Him, asking for healing from it today.
He wants to heal you and help you.
(“Money answers all things.”
Ecclesiastes 10:19)
Financial Abuse (“Just Violated?” Book Excerpt)
…Financial abuse is abuse. It is violation. It is violent. And it is possible that it can be a byproduct of rape.
But it gets a “just” minimization because there is no bruise, no broken arm, no busted lip.
It is “not that bad.”
“Just” a budget.
“Running the household.”
“The Breadwinner.”
“Traditional.”
But my experience? It felt darker and more violent than that.
I do not think that it was “just” my imagination.
Violation, in accepted subtlety.
“Entitled” to do so.
Controlling and doling out money.
I am about four years old. I’m wearing striped pants, sitting on my mother’s lap. It was probably Christmas. Each of us are holding crisp one-hundred-dollar bills, pinching them in between our thumbs and forefingers.
“Showing them off.”
Smiling for the camera. We look happy.
We were not.
He made the money. He controlled the money. We were dependent upon him.
That was by design.
Each birthday and Christmas, that was the gift: money. Hundred-dollar bills.
And then, the “special occasions or needs,” the grocery and the shopping trips. All requiring we go to him, asking… or begging… for money.
If he was more benevolent that day, it was just the humiliation of having to ask him for money.
If he was NOT benevolent, then, it was rage. Getting screamed at, told we didn’t need to waste money on “that thing,” and not getting any funds.
Instead, we received a three-to-four-day stretch of his rage/silent treatment/chaos/abuse.
What They Taught; What We Learned…
He, again, taught us that he ruled with fear, cruelty, oppressive rules, and chaos.
Money was dangerous, as it only came through him.
He determined that we were at his mercy. He determined that he decided we were unworthy of money. He determined that only he could execute whatever he decided to do with it.
He was in control. We were not…
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Making Biscuits?
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
1 Corinthians 13:11
If you are a cat lover, like me, you are probably aware of the feline behavior, “milk treading,” or “making biscuits.”
When kittens nurse, they “knead” their paws (and their tiny claws) into their mother’s body, in any effort to access milk. They often purr, in contentment, an audible signal that they are getting their needs met.
As kittens grow, many of them never outgrow this behavior. Even adult cats still practice “making biscuits,” often turning their attention to blankets and their human guardians…us.
Each time they do this, it is a time of blissful nostalgia. They revert to the happiness they experienced as those nursing kittens.
It is the feline equivalent of sucking your thumb, I suppose.
My household has been getting a lot of this kitty thumb-sucking.
Last spring, we adopted two kittens, Sacred Sophia Loren (Because of her exquisite lined, Show-like eyes), and Holy Ingenue.
Each feline has their own personality traits and quirks. Like people, some are introverts; some are extroverts.
Sophia, therefore, was our introvert. She hid, was nervous, and took longer to warm up to us.
But there WAS a moment that the light switch turned on. And it involved “making biscuits.”
It was still somewhat chilly weather. Therefore, yes, fully-grown adult me lounged in my adult flannel “onesie.” An adult, wearing footed pajamas.
I sat on the couch, with the kittens getting used to us and to our home, sniffing, being curious.
Nothing earth-shattering about that.
Enter “making biscuits.”
I have photographic evidence.
Behold:
Sophia’s curiosity overrode her fear. She sniffed my onesie, batted it with a paw.
And then she climbed into my lap.
And immediately, something switched on.
She rotated on the flannel. I detected a soft purr. And then, she started “making biscuits.”
What I quickly surmised was that she identified my onesie as her Mama’s fur.
Instant nostalgia. Instant Mama réassurance. Instant comfort/bliss.
This next photo captured that blissful and adorable face, looking at me.
Instant connection. Instant bond.
We had a breakthrough. The next photo, after about five minutes of “making biscuits,” had her curl up in relaxed happiness.
My heart was all a-flutter.
Not to be outdone by her sibling, Holy Ingenue also has her take on “making biscuits,” on “milktreading.”
However, she gravitates towards an inanimate object: our blue bathmat.
Supposedly, cats vividly see two main colors: blue and yellow, In any case, our little Holy Ingenue storms the bathroom whenever she gets the signal that we are headed that way.
And she seizes the bathmat, grabbing it with her biscuit-making paws, kneading, purring, being in bliss, while focusing, with laser-like precision, on the object of her kittenhood nostalgia.
We think that the bathmat, like my flannel onesie, must give off some kind of “mother cat fur.”
Holy Ingenue will have at it for at least a good, five or ten minutes.
After that, she beams with such a look of contentment and pride.
She is satisfied.
For those of us, “of the human persuasion,” it can seem adorable, amusing, and harmless (except, perhaps, for the puncture wounds of milk-treading paws left in us).
And maybe, we can even elevate ourselves with pride, believing that we are so much greater, smarter, and more mature than a spirited kitten.
Not so fast.
“For through the grace having been given to me, I say to everyone being among you⁺ not to be high-minded above what it is necessary to think, but to think so as to be sound-minded, as YHWH allotted to each a measure of faith.”
Romans 12:3
Because, here, my friend, is where you and I gloss over our own thumb-sucking immature ways.
“Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.”
1 Peter 2:2
Yes, two camps: Maturity or Immaturity.
Where do you and I reside?
A little “making biscuits” inventory, perhaps?
“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.”
Ephesians 4:14
It’s not just schemes that cause us to “suck our thumbs.”
It’s-uh- some stuff in our personalities.
Don’t kill the messenger. You and I are “but dust” (Psalm 103:14).
So, our dusty selves have some “biscuit-making,” “thumb-sucking” tendencies, clunking around.
Immaturity shows up in several different ways, like…
Impatience…
Gravitating towards vices…
Temper tantrums (clean up on aisle four)…
Comfort-seeking behavior…
Any of these ringing bells for you?
All of them show up for me, in my life.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”
Hebrews 12:1
Yep, these things are just some of the examples of being “easily ensnared.”
“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of YHWH’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!”
Hebrews 5:12
That starts by learning.
“So as to walk in a manner worthy of Elohim to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of YHWH.”
Colossians 1:10
Learning. Discovering. Applying.
“For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.”
Hebrews 5:13-14
When we turn from our go-to habits, our default setting, and our pacifers of all kinds, we can, ever so slowly, but surely, move from immature to mature. And get better results from that.
Is that process fun?
(What do you think?)
Seriously, the maturing process is a sliding scale for each of us. Individual. Unique.
As unique as how you and I have chosen, throughout our lives to “make our biscuits.”
It may not be as adorable as felines engaging in their nostalgic behaviors, nevertheless, these things can signal us going from maturity to maturity, even if/when it seems infantile or juvenile.
But if we keep trying…
“Not that I have already attained or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.”
Philippians 3:12
It’s not just a “cop-out” scripture. It’s a reminder of our pesky humanity. And we all have that about us.
Let’s pray.
Abba Father-
We come to you, in The Name of Our Savior, Your Son, Yahshua.
You know how immature or mature we are right now.
You know where we are.
Forgive us and help us with our choices that do not glorify You.
You know how we choose things that we should have “outgrown” by now.
Vices. Addictions. Character traits that are childish.
You know them all.
Help us to change and grow in the way You desire us to become the people You desire us to become.
We need so much help with this. Thank You for helping us, every step of the way.
We receive Your Help now, in Yahshua’s Name.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Do You Want To Die? (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“‘Why is light given to the miserable,
and life to the bitter of soul,
who long for death that does not come,
and search for it like hidden treasure?’”
Job 3:20-21
Suicidal ideation.
It’s a prison within a prison of inmates, yes.
AND it is a prison for how many of us “on the outside?”
Do you want to die?
What IS your honest answer?
“When the jailer woke up and saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, presuming that the prisoners had escaped. But Paul called out in a loud voice, ‘Do not harm yourself! We are all here!’
Acts 16:27-28
We have this in common “with them.”
And each one of us need Our Savior, Our Shepherd, Our Messiah, Yahshua (“YAH IS SALVATION”).
“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
John 10:10
And Our Savior does not want us to harm ourselves. He was sent, on mission, from Our loving, Heavenly Father (John 3:16).
“For YHWH so loved the world that He gave the Son, the only begotten, so that everyone believing in Him shall not perish but shall have eternal life.”
Where are you right now?
And HOW are you, right now?
Are you in the prison of wanting to die?
He wants you to live, right now.
He also wants you to remember “them.”
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
(Rocky) Let the weak say I am strong! (Cancerventures)
“…Let the weak say, ‘I am strong!’”
Joel 3:10
Amazon.com: Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman eBook : Cruse, Sheryle: Kindle Store
A Hug and a Kiss? (“Just Violated?”)
What WAS that? Sexual harassment? Or sexual assault?
Confusion was something that seemed to be definite.
Stuck in a moment.
You have probably had encounters that qualify under that definition, right?
Moments that you ask yourself, “What WAS that?”
“But all things should be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40
If confusion was present, it, more than likely was NOT “decent” or “in order.”
And what you experienced, being stuck IN that moment, was NOT your fault!
Our Father AND Our Shepherd Savior saw ALL of what happened!
Our Father has not stopped loving you; neither has Our Shepherd!
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present nor things about to be, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of YWHW that is in (Yahshua HA-Mashiach) Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
If there was any power imbalance you were stuck in, you were not to blame.
You did the best you could, to survive, and be safe, IN that moment.
Seek The Father, seek His Loving Healing and Acceptance of you right now.
What happened to you was NOT right.
But The Most High will make it right!
Accept His Loving and Involvement in your life right now!
(“Just Violated?” Book Excerpt)
“A Hug and a Kiss.”
Harmless, you say? Well, maybe you will change your mind when you discover who hugged and kissed me.
My college theatre professor.
Wait, I’m not done.
As a theatre major, I was involved in college productions. In this instance, I was the twenty-year-old Assistant Director of the Spring production…
My theatre professor was its director.
Let me set the scene, since I am so theatrically inclined.
I was standing in the lobby area of the theatre department, looking at the poster for the production.
My Professor/Director comes up behind me, engulfing me with a big bear hug. I froze.
What do I do? What do I say?
There was no one else roaming around the department at this point. An opportune time, I suppose.
He didn’t say a word. He was over six feet tall, to me, being a, then, five-foot four stature in height.
And even though I was overweight at the time, from the “Bulimia phase” of my eating disorder behaviors, I still felt overpowered, miniscule in his bear hug shadow.
He hugged me silently for probably two minutes.
And then, he kissed my neck.
What?
Now what am I supposed to do?
I looked around to see if other people were walking around the college campus. There must be somebody here. It was during afternoon classes. Where were the people?
But no one was there. Ghost town. Complete silence.
He kissed my neck, uncoiled his ruddy and hairy arms from me, and walked away…
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Meet Cute? And Etc… (Cancerventures)
(Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
… Will This Appointment with the New Surgeon Be a “Meet-Cute?”
I know. That’s probably asking too much.
But could we be on any kind of respectful same page? That’s probably more realistic… and to be determined.
I was fresh from my CA 27.29 blood test. Russell and I went upstairs, from Cancer Care, taking two elevators, to get to the second floor. We checked in for my appointment with Dr. W.* I read to pass the time; Russell played a game on his phone.
A nurse came out, “Sheryle?”
Here we go. Russell and I were ushered into the exam room. My blood pressure was taken: 113 over 75.
“Now, this is the first time you’ve met, right?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, you’re just going to love Dr. W.!”
I chose not to hop on that enthusiasm train. I said nothing in response.
“Okay, well, just change into the gown, opened to the front. The doctor will be in
shortly.”
I chatted with Russell, mid-story about my Tweety Bird Band Aid from the CA 27.29, when, knock-knock.
In walked my new surgeon. Outstretched hand, big smile.
“Nice to meet you…Nice to meet you…This is my husband, Russell…”
Okay, let’s get into it.
There was the introductory stuff about how Dr. M. had written notes about my situation. I envisioned scandalous things being said, like, “this patient thinks she is going to beat cancer…she’s delusional… she’ll probably argue with you…” I know. Doctors’ notes are supposed to be strictly professional, but really, I mean, there must be some dirt in there too, right? A head’s up warning about a patient who dares to challenge the infallible doctor?
I was asked if I had questions or concerns. I mentioned adjusting to my new normal body and what it should look like, at this point.
“Raise your arms.” I did.
“Oooh. Great range of motion.”
With the few post-surgery exercises I still was doing, I was able to reach, pick up things and function; I could use my arms.
Dr. W. then walked over to me, “feeling me up,” first on the left side…
“This seems normal, nothing going on here…” The words dovetailed into each other, almost muttering.
“Yeah, that’s the unaffected side.” I couldn’t help myself, chiming in.
Moving over to my right side, “Yeah, this feels slightly raised from the radiation. That’s common,” checking my arm pit area, “Yeah, I can feel you’re tight here, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
Continuing to probe, Dr. W. scaled along my scar line.
“Nothing feels abnormal. I’ll place an order for physical therapy again.”
I asked questions about Lymphedema, the lifelong need for physical therapy, which may be a possibility. I was reassured my scar site did not feel like I had Lymphedema. Because I only had one node removed, there was a one percent chance of developing the condition; radiation boosted it to ten percent. So, highly unlikely.
The pouch-y, fleshy area just under my arm, I learned, was referred to in the medical community as a “dog- ear flap,” and was just the remaining tissue of me collected in that spot.
So, this exam was easy, uneventful, non-jarring. No challenging of my choices, no lecturing, no death threats. I detected no God aura in Dr. W. The nurse came back in to schedule my six- month appointment in November and that was that.
Okay, I think I can work with Dr. W.
Post-appointment, in the elevator ride downstairs, Russell and I talked.
“I wish I could have gotten Dr. W. instead of Dr. M. for my surgery.”
“Well, this was after the fact. If they had done your surgery, you might have encountered the exact same thing.”
Hmm. You just don’t know.
It was reassuring to see that, at least, from this one brief encounter, a surgeon could possibly be different. I could, likewise, have a different experience, a better one, with that person. I know I’m not objective to grade these specialists. Everyone has their own style and personality. And sometimes, it truly is about two personalities just not coming together very well.
Leading up to this appointment, I prepared myself with battle strategies, including fleeing and filing a formal complaint against the clinic. And I didn’t have touse them.
As great as this appointment went- and it did go well- I strongly advise having at least one or two strategies for handling a situation. You just don’t know who you’ll encounter. It may be ho-hum, business as usual, it may be kismet and you’ve, indeed, found a new best friend. Or it could be tense, frustrating, and fear-inducing- or any shade of grey within any ofthose possibilities.
The lesson: trust your gut; know thyself. If something is not working, you don’t have to stay tied to it. There are other doctors. No, it’s not convenient to go shopping for them, but you shouldn’t have to feel trapped by a health care professional, either.
Now, before you think I classify Dr. M. as some Nazi, let me clarify things. My experience with this individual was not what I hoped it to be.
But did this surgeon give me information? Yes.
Did this person do a good job, as far as my surgery went? Yes, I think so.
For the most part, I haven’t had problems with my scar site. I had no infections, only the uncomfortable breast plate feeling I still contend with and the “dog-ear flap” (woof). I’m doing okay.
But I don’t know what constitutes a great surgery versus a mediocre surgery. And a scary movie kind of surgery, with results, like infection, a botched scar site, excessive bleeding, and dramatic complications would speak for itself as being a bad surgery experience.
If I knew I could have a positive communication experience with Dr. W. in the entire process of my appointments through, ultimately, my breast surgery and beyond, yes, I probably would have preferred Dr. W. to Dr. M…
What’s That Code For? (“IF You Know?” and “Just Violated?”)
“…what is His Name, and what is His Son’s Name, if you know?”
Proverbs 30:4
How are you described by people who love you and know you? By your family? What’s the story?
What are “the code words?”
What’s the explanation?
“It is the glory of The Most High to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”
Proverbs 25:2
“…In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
2 Corinthians 13:1
www.whatishisname.com/name-the-issue/cynthia-hull-if-you-know-book-excerptnbsp
If You Know?: Cruse, Sheryle: 9798272042019: Amazon.com: Books
What was it that I was born into?
What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Let the weak say I am strong! (Cancerventures)
“…Let the weak say, ‘I am strong!’”
Joel 3:10
Amazon.com: Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman eBook : Cruse, Sheryle: Kindle Store
My Times? His Hands! (Cancerventures)
“Your eyes saw my unformed body, and in Your book all of them were written—the days fashioned for me, and not one was yet among them!”
Psalm 139:16
Commemorate the milestone days, including, yes, even “A diagnosis anniversary day.”
You are still here…by design. By His intention.
There is tremendous meaning and Victory in that!
You are worth honoring in each day you live!
“My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.”
Psalm 31:15
A diagnosis anniversary.
We remember those markers.
The day that changed life for you and I.
Change is a part of life.
If you have a diagnosis anniversary, mark it. Commemorate it. Celebrate it.
You are here. You are not “there.”
Look how far you have come!
And look at how The Most High has kept and held you!
Amazon.com: Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman eBook : Cruse, Sheryle: Kindle Store
“D- Day” (Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
…So, after waiting through this long weekend, July 11th came. I was on the loveseat; my husband was in the recliner nearby. Braced for impact. Shortly after 9 o’clock, the phone rang; I put it on the speakerphone so Russell could hear.
“Hi, Sheryle, it’s Joy. So, we have your biopsy results back and unfortunately, there is the presence of cancer…”
(Hubby) grabbed my hand.
She then started getting into the findings, medical jargon all its own language…
“Invasive Mammary Carcinoma, Nottingham grade 3 of 3, at least 1.1 cm in greatest dimension. Focal Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.”
This was real.
I scheduled a consultation with the surgeon for that Thursday. I thanked her for the phone call and hung up.
And then, I operated in states of being numb, scared, and fraught with crying jags.
This diagnosis news, indeed, on 7-11 was my 9-11.
Explosion. Disaster. Life-changing event.
Ta-Ta-Ta- Tina!
And then, my mind focused on a famous nickname for breasts: “Tatas.” I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This obsession eventually led to Tina Turner.
Diagnosis day, my mind kept obsessing about the word. Tatas would not fall out of my head. I felt disempowered, looking for any image of female encouragement. Enter Tina Turner.
A lot of times, people have a stuttering reaction to Tina's performance by stating, ‘Ta- Ta- Ta- Tina Turner!!!!’ And then they scream and fan out.
But if you know Tina's story, you know there is a nemesis to the late, great Ta-Ta-Ta-Tina: Ike Turner, her abusive husband. Part of Tina's triumph is reinventing and freeing herself from that abusive dynamic. Ike was a cancer. He was taking up toxic space. He had to go. And that transcended the breasts-do-they-stay-or-do-they-go issues. I am Tina, not my breasts.
This was how my mind worked on July 11th, 2017. And it stuck.
I had a special place in my heart for Tina’s sci-fi character, Aunt Entity in the 1980s film,“Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.”
Her character was fully decked out in a chainmail dress that, still, to this day, I wouldn’t mind adding to my wardrobe.
I’m serious. Dress it up with pearls; dress it down with a jean jacket.
Anyway, I immediately had those Aunt Entity images seared into my brain and Tina, in one way or another, would be a kind of cancer alter ego for me. I decided.
Now, let’s fight Ike…
Mommy Issues (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
With the male inmate population, perhaps, most of us are not surprised that there would be “Mommy Issues” going on.
And again, we can have more in common with “them” than we initially think.
For any human being, behaviors, habits, choices, and heart issues begin in childhhood
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Many of “them,” like many of “us,” do not get the mothering we need. There may, indeed, be the ABSENCE of The Fruit of the Spirit…
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23
As we consider what we have in common “with them,” we also have the opportunity to turn to OUR FATHER, Who Loves us AS a Loving MOTHER…
“As one whom his mother comforts, So I will comfort you...”
Isaiah 66:13
Let’s get closer TO that eternal Truth, for healing, for understanding, and even, for an insight into “them.”
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Shameful? (“Just Violated?”)
“My dishonor is continually before me, and the shame of my face has covered me.”
Psalm 25:20
“Just” shameful.
I am “just” shameful.
What was done to you?
What choices, from another person, have made you feel ashamed of yourself?
Shame’s roots run deep.
We often take on someone else’s shame for THEIR actions.
Rape. Molestation. Incest. Abuse.
And complicating and confusing these issues, even more?
All these things can get dismissed, ignored, or further used as punishment for us.
“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth...”
Psalm 34:5
But we have a Loving Father, and an empathetic Shepherd…
“They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.”
Hebrews 12:2
Furthermore, our Savior, took all shame, took YOUR shame…
“Looking unto (Yahshua) Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of (The Most High) God.”
Psalm 25:3
Turn To Him now. Ask Him for His loving Help.
He wants to heal your shame, even right now.
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Stuck In a Moment? (“Just Violated?”)
Stuck In a Moment? (“Just Violated?”)
What is considered what?
More than likely, you have been stuck in a moment, a precarious, compromising moment.
What WAS that? Do you know, even years, or decades later, what that WAS?
Whatever it was, it was valid. It happened. And there’s no shame for you.
Our Elohim took that shame.
You are loved, precious, and valuable, beyond measure!
What was it that I was born into?
What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
(“Just Violated?” Book Excerpt)…
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but The Most High is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
Now, I know that when we are in uncomfortable, inappropriate situations, like a the two I will be getting into soon here, we are usually, typically, not operating from a place of feeling “tempted.”
And why I bring up this scripture in 1 Corinthians, is NOT, repeat, NOT to shame or blame those of us on the “no-win” end of a scenario.
Rather, I feel this scripture speaks to assuring and helping “the victim” in getting through it as best as you can. You didn’t ask for this. You did not want things to unfold like this.
The Most High will help you. He makes a way of helping you through it, even if, all you feel is stuck, scared, and overwhelmed.
My thoughts. He will help you get though “it” whatever “it” was for you.
Entitled to…
… take liberties.
“Just” Stuck…
What do you do when you get stuck in a moment, and you cannot free yourself from it?
This is just another day in the life of being female, way too often.
Yes, I am on the soapbox.
Because stuff like this, along the lines of “rape-y” stuff like this, keeps happening.
So, on the soapbox, I will stand and recount.
There was “Me,” and the moment I was stuck in.
Not rape, per se.
But “rape-y,” nonetheless.
A day in the life of being a girl.
And I was a girl, a college girl. Naïve.
I had learned the lessons in my home about how to be a female and be disempowered and abused…
Seeking The Scattered Flock (IF You Know?)
Seeking HIS Flock (“IF You Know?”)
What does HIS Flock Look like?
Who is He seeking?
Who is counted, and who is disqualified?
There’s more going on, than meets the Eye. Ask Him questions about His Flock, and what you are to do concerning it.
“…‘Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. As a shepherd seeketh out his flock in the day that he is among his sheep that are scattered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliver them out of all places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day… I will feed my flock, and I will cause them to lie down… I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick: but I will destroy the fat and the strong; I will feed them with judgment.’”
Ezekiel 34: 11-12; Ezekiel 34:15-16
If You Know?: Cruse, Sheryle: 9798272042019: Amazon.com: Books
For The Path Ahead…
“YHWH will fight for you⁺, and you⁺—you⁺ shall be silent.”
Exodus 14:14
Funhouse Mirrors (Thin Enough)
“Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, this one is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror, for he observed himself and has gone away, and immediately he forgot what kind he was.”
James 1:23-24
Summer is all about carnivals.
And a staple in many carnivals is that of the funhouse, with their funhouse mirrors.
Distortions.
We see distorted reflections when we step in front of one of them.
We do that with our self-image and our body-image.
How do we see ourselves?
How does our Creator and Loving Father see us?
That is our true image.
But we need to go to Him and His Word to see it.
Funhouse Mirrors
When I was a little girl, I once went into one of those carnival funhouses with the mirrors. It was the one and only time I did so. I remember I didn’t get very far. I took one look at my distorted series of reflected images and high-tailed it out of there so fast, you could probably see my streak marks hang in the air.
Festive.
Cut to about fourteen years later: I was nineteen or twenty years old when I was, once again, standing in front of multiple mirror images. Only this time, there was no carnival- and certainly, no fun. It was, instead, just me, choosing to stand and scrutinize myself in front of my three-way mirror, picking myself apart, via my disordered eating and body image behaviors.
It was often during those times that I would ask Elohim why He made me in the first place. What was the point? Was the torment of eating disorders all there was? Were the constant weight and food battles all there was to me? I hated what I saw so much of the time, regardless of where I was on the scale. At my thinnest, I hated what I saw; at my heaviest, I hated what I saw. Did The Most High see me the same way?
“Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees?”
Job 10:4
Yeah, I was certainly living a Job kind of existence. It’s not a “skip to my loo” kind of approach. But no, Our Father doesn’t stop at surface appearances- thankfully! He looks deeper…
“…The Most High does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7
And, isn’t that one of the problems for those of us dealing with eating disorders and body image issues? The old adage states there’s no reality, only perception. So, some of us perceive ourselves to be ugly and worthless.
But is that the truth?
Scientific studies state that there is a chemical disturbance in the brain function of many who suffer from eating disorders like Anorexia and Bulimia. Simply stated, the brain wiring of these individuals prevents them from seeing their physical bodies as they actually are. Instead, they only see themselves as the distorted “funhouse mirror” version of themselves.
You know the saying, “seeing is believing?”
Well, I guess that’s what can happen if the brain can only register one particular perception, even if it’s an inaccurate one.
I believed that inaccurate perception for a long time.
And, as years have passed, I’ve also had a spiritual reawakening as well concerning my disordered eating and image issues. Eating disorders, at their core, are spiritual matters. For my own situation, I had to recognize and confront how I let my own eating disorder behavior become some form of idolatry.
Pleasant, isn’t it?
According to “The Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus Second Edition,” the definition of idolatry reads as follows: “the worship of idols, great adulation. The image of a deity, etc., as an object of worship, the object of excessive or supreme adulation, a graven image icon, effigy, symbol, fetish, totem, god, hero or heroine, star, celebrity.”
Yeah, that covered it for me.
Whether or not I knew it, my image desires and eating disorder behaviors were idols. I thought I was in control. But, before I knew it, all of my “little idols” turned into razor-sharp funhouse torture mirrors, mocking and threatening me. I had lost sight of my one true Creator.
“I am the LORD thy YAH, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me.”
Exodus 20:2-3
And by disobeying that very first commandment, I had opened myself up to unnecessary pain. My eating disorders were not His Will or His fault. And, while it would be all too easy to blame myself here, I had to accept the fact that I was not completely hopeless; I still could make another choice. No matter how low I went with my eating disorders, there still was a way out: The Most High.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. The Most High is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape so that you are able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
Like that childhood experience of the funhouse mirrors, I had a choice about what I could do. I could continue to stare into the scary, inaccurate reflections, or I could leave them and shift my view elsewhere?
So, where- or more accurately, Who- is that elsewhere?
“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; a righteous person rushes to it and is lifted up above the danger.”
Proverbs 18:10
What’s your funhouse mirror? Is it an eating disorder? An addiction?
Some other self-destructive behavior? Are you choosing to stare into that hopeless, futureless and lifeless reflection or are you choosing to look for The Most High?
If the funhouse isn’t so fun, then what? What will we do? We do have a better option out there. There is a better reflection, waiting to look back at us.
And He’s there to help us...
“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the left.’”
Isaiah30:21
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“The Most High is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
Will we choose that reflected option?
Abba Father-
We come to You in The Name of Your Son, Yahshua. You know how we see, think, and feel about ourselves. The truth? It’s less than glorifying to you.
Thank You for believing we are valuable, beautiful, worthwhile, and reflecting Your Image. We need Your help believing, receiving, and accepting that for ourselves.
Help us to do that.
Help us to love You. You know we also have a hard time giving and accepting love.
Forgive us for our idolatry. Forgive us for not turning to and trusting You. We repent, by faith, of that now.
Help us to heal and see ourselves the way You.
Thank You,
In the Name of Yahshua, we seal it.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Option Or Priority?
“Priority…”
“superiority in rank, position, or privilege”
“Option…”
“the power or right to choose: freedom of choice”
I don’t know who said this, but the statement reverberates within each one of us, in some way…
“Don’t make someone a priority who makes you an option.”
In your life, right now, what is your experiential, circumstantial status?
Are you an option?
Or are you a priority?
Does it change, from person to person?
Or is it a consistent, seemingly, never-changing reality, no matter who is involved in a relationship with you?
These two concepts have one thing in common: they involve choice.
And choice is a spiritual concept.
Choose…
Choose this day whom you will serve.
“And if it seems evil in your? eyes to serve YHWH, choose for yourselves this day whom you? will serve, whether the gods that your? fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorite, in whose land you? are dwelling. And I and my house, we will serve YHWH!”
Joshua 24:15
Choose Life.
“I call as witnesses against you? today the heavens and the earth that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing. Therefore choose life, that you may live—you and your seed.”
Deuteronomy 30:19
From the start, choice is a fact of life. The Most High chose billions of decisions, about us, about His Creation, the world, matters of justice, love, and His Divine Will.
Past of those choices, of course, is that of His Son, Our Savior, Who was given the mission to save mankind, because we could not save ourselves from our sins (John 3:16).
And yes, He chooses to give us choice, “free will,” the ability to decide any number of issues and… options.
Options. That word can be highly triggering for so many of us.
And it can start so early, often in our childhood experiences.
Picked Last for teams.
“These also are sayings of the wise:
To show partiality in judgment
is not good.”
Proverbs 24:23
One of the original childhood traumas: picking teams.
When I was a child, I was not good at physical education class. Plus, I was overweight.
Therefore, that made me less than desirable for team sports.
I really hated team sports: softball, volleyball, and basketball.
All the “balls.”
I gained an unfortunate reputation as not being good at these sports.
Therefore, I was not wanted.
It was sheer torture as the teacher/coach made all the kids line up, having usually designated two “captains” to “pick teams.”
Of course, the most athletic, agile, and coordinated were chosen first. They were usually already in official sports, like being on the official Varsity school teams. They had the reputation, the popularity, and the acclaim as being stars and legends.
As the picking continued, there would be less enthusiasm as “the mediocre” candidates were chosen. This was usually when we would hear the captains say a lot of “Uh’s” and “Umm’s,” meaning that there was more thought about what mediocre players they could live with on their teams.
They weren’t thrilled, but they knew they had to choose.
And then, the lineup of kids would seriously dwindle.
Eventually, it would come down to another kid, usually someone overweight or slight in stature… and me.
I watched many a captain’s face of contempt, even disgust, as they looked at me. They chose the other candidate.
I was always picked last.
Always.
They were not happy having me onboard. But no one, no captain, kid, or me, had the option of “opting out.”
I had to play.
They had to deal with the unwanted reality.
So, with the teams assembled, we would proceed to “play ball.”
And it was miserable for me. I was yelled at, shot dirty looks, and heard sighs of frustration as I dropped the ball, failed at the forced physical education exercise that lasted far too long for my dignity to stay intact.
I learned the lessons and “the rules.”
I learned that results were what was prized.
Those Golden, Athletic Children, therefore, who could execute those results were the priority. They were “Chosen.”
Others, like me, were reduced to the unpopular “Option,” that of “take or leave.”
Usually, they preferred “to leave.”
Does this sound too familiar to you?
It was gutting to learn these childhood lessons. We were regularly taught this was how the world worked.
Yet, as children, we often didn’t have the knowledge of Proverbs 24:23, let alone, the bandwidth to understand, and coping skills for how to handle it.
And then, we grew up.
Maybe, as kids, we believed things would get easier.
Well…
Adulthood- Not Much Has Changed.
We still are subject to choice.
It may no longer show up as the humiliation of “picking teams” from our childhood days, but it still is quite real, affecting our lives, our quality of life.
“These also are sayings of the wise:
To show partiality in judgment
is not good.”
Proverbs 24:23
This partiality, unfortunately, does not end once we leave school. We carry our childhood lessons and identities into adulthood.
It now shows up in…
Romantic, marital, interpersonal relationships…
Career issues…
Even Faith Challenges…
“These also are sayings of the wise:
To show partiality in judgment
is not good.”
Proverbs 24:23
“Look around now,
These are the days of the beggars and the choosers,”
“Praying For Time,” George Michael
This is a beautiful song, but tough to listen to. Listener advisory. Just saying.
Minimized.
Overlooked.
Beggars and The Choosers.
How do you feel about that, in your own circumstances?
Are you a “Beggar?”
Are you a “Chooser?”
How hopeless do you feel about your life?
There is hope, however.
The Most High’s thoughts and ways are not like ours (Isaiah 55:10).
And part of His ways?
“…‘I now realize how true it is that The Most High does not show favoritism.’”
Acts 10:34
He has no preferential treatment in His Love for us. He is the Ultimate display of “Unconditional love.”
After all, again, the entire point, highlighted in the famous scripture, John 3:16…
He SO LOVED…
He GAVE…
HIS Only Son…
So that we could be saved…
There’s no hierarchy of human value TO that.
He wants ALL OF US!
“Elohim is not slow in the promise, as some esteem slowness, but is patient toward you?, not wishing for any to perish, but all to receive a place for repentance.”
2 Peter 3:9
Old Testament dictates further that love…
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
That runs so contrary to so much of what we experience, trying to be “a priority,” but only living that of an “option,” potentially, more easily, and quickly, discarded, after varying degrees of mistreatment, abuse, and neglect.
No matter who and where you and I may find ourselves, struggling with the unique pain of being that undesirable “option,” our Loving Father, And our Loving Shepherd/Savior actively, enthusiastically, faithfully, and consistently choose us.
Let’s pray.
ABBA Father-
We come to You, in The Name of Our Savior, Your Son, Yahshua.
You know how we have been rejected, abandoned, overlooked, and minimized.
You know how that has wounded us.
Our needs were not met; and we were often mistreated.
You know exactly what has happened to us.
Forgive us for the unforgiveness and bitterness that we have held against them.
Help us to fully forgive and heal.
Help us to learn what it means to be loved and chosen by You.
Thank You that You do, indeed, choose and love us.
We are not dismissed as a mere “option.”
We are a unique priority in Your Loving Heart and in Your Thoughts of us.
We turn to You, for every bit of Your Love, Help, and Healing, as we have been hurt from being “passed over.”
Thank You that You see and know all.
Thank You that You are moving in our lives right now.
We receive it, now, by faith.
In The Name of Yahshua, we pray.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
More To Anger (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
It’s not a surprise that anger is a large issue for the male inmate population. How many crimes, were done, out of violent anger?
Yet there is more TO the anger, if we dare to look at it.
And we will find more in common with “the prisoners” than we realize.
How are you imprisoned by anger right now?
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
(“Hello, Gentlemen…” Book Excerpt)…
Hello, Gentlemen.
It’s me again. Sheryle.
How frustrated are you right now?
It’s a big challenge for me. I was just wondering what it’s like for you.
Frustration in a part of anger.
It deals with being denied something when you want it.
It deals with the resentment that comes by seeing others seemingly possess what you want.
It deals with the injustice you face currently and have faced in the past.
And you have faced injustices. Plural. More than one. Often.
Probably, too often…
Test and Talk To Him About His Name (“IF You Know?”)
