Yeah, I was going to be here awhile...
…Sometimes, it was just too much. For, as loving and sweet as she is, her clingy nature concerned me, often making me upset at the thought of something more ominous.
Did Gracie know something? Smell something? Smell my cancer? Smell the radiation itself? Did she know I was dying?
Was I stressing her out?
When I was overwhelmed, I often retreated to the bedroom to cry, shutting the door. And, on more than one occasion, when I resurfaced, there she was, my little grey tortoiseshell cat, sitting just outside. Standing guard?
Or did I just need to get over myself?...
…I was preoccupied with Gracie’s behavior. So much so, I called our vet. She had nothing definitive, other than, “she wants to protect you.”
Yeah, I realize that. But why? I asked the radiation technicians and got more of the same, along with, “I don’t know.”
Finally, I asked my radiation nurse, who told me I was emitting a stress hormone during
radiation.
So, that’s what it was, a stress hormone?
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t shut off my stress hormone and how I was emitting it. I cuddled with Gracie, spoke lovingly to her and gave her extra treats. She still seemed clingy.
She still wanted to be near or on top of me all the time. What can you do about that?
I don’t know. It comforted me on the selfish level, but it disturbed me as I thought about her welfare. My husband and I have tried to love and reassure her as much as possible.
“It’s just an animal.”
I defy anyone to say that as they go through this cancer situation, with pets. It’s not that simple…
