“The Name” Devotional
What’s in a Name?
What’s in HIS Name?
How Do We Address Him?
Scripture Mentions His Name.
What Does That Mean To Him?
Amazon.com: The Name Devotional
“Death and The Girl?”
I love art. And the masterpiece, “Death and The Girl,” by Frans Van Kuyck, is one such example that resonates with me strongly.
Especially concerning my eating disorder experiences.
Many of us who struggle with this issue, not surprisingly, can also have suicidal ideation as well.
Death wishes.
That’s where I was, especially concerning my most intense phase of Anorexia.
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt):
“My heart pants, my strength fails me: As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me… For in you, O Lord, I hope: You will hear, O Lord my God.”
Psalm 38:10, 15
I was tired physically, emotionally, spiritually. I just existed, going through the motions each day. I didn’t want to be here anymore. At nineteen and eight months, I daily prayed, “God, just let me die. Don’t let me make it to age 20.” . . . .
Question: Do you ever have thoughts of wanting to die?
Personality Characteristics of Individuals with Anorexia Nervosa:
•• Perfectionists
•• Conflict avoidant
•• Emotionally and sexually inhibited
•• Compliant
•• Approval seeking
•• Excessively dependent
•• Socially anxious
•• Fear of spontaneity
•• Reluctant to take risks
•• Practice food rituals
Families of people with Anorexia Nervosa:
•• Enmeshed, overprotective, conflict-avoiding
•• Unresponsive to patient’s self-expressions
•• Independence is discouraged
•• Patient overly dependent on parents
•• Parents may urge young daughters to lose weight
Ohio State University FactSheet. “Eating Disorders Awareness: Emotional Issues Involved with Eating Disorders.” 4 July 2003 <http://ohioline.osu.edu/ed-fact/1005.html>.
Even through, at the time, I was unaware of “Death and the Girl,” I was embodying it, nonetheless.
Many of us who struggle with Anorexia have an intense fear of growing up.
I did.
It was the worst thing that could befall me, beyond “being fat.”
So, I do connect to the painting.
The innocent child of a girl, picking yellow flowers, while whatlooks to be the character of “Death” walks alongside her, with a Grim Reaper sickle in tow.
“Death” is close by; “Death” is looking in the little girl’s direction.
“Death” is waiting for its opportunity to take her.
There were too many times I felt like death was coming for me.
“The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of chaos overwhelmed me.
The cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.”
Psalm 18:4-5
Too many fainting episodes. Too many pounding heartbeats and pulse points from the inside crooks of my elbows and the backs of my knees.
Too much listlessness.
Too much despair.
Others died at weights higher than mine. I was acutely aware of that, while simultaneously competing to weigh less than their corpses.
I was terrified, yet I wanted it to end.
I was in the death place. Like in the famous painting, “Death” was my walking companion. And I felt as unsteady as its emaciated legs, walking next to me.
Back then, I could not imagine that I’d be here now, let alone, alive. Yeah, there’s been a lot of pain and struggle.
Yet, The Most High has kept me.
I wasn’t quite letting that sink in then.
It sinks in much more now.
“My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!”
Psalm 31:15
How about you?
Are you walking with “Death?”
Do you have a “death wish?”
How terrified and hopeless are you?
Terrified to grow up? To live?
To keep going?
Let’s pray.
Abba-
We come to You, in The Name of Our Savior, Yahshua.
You know where death walks with us: our thoughts, our fears, our lives, our struggles.
You know what already looks dead. You know what appears to be dying.
You know our despair. Forgive and help us for how we have turned to death, in any form, instead of to You.
Disordered eating, addiction, and depression are just some of the things we battle with.
Respond TO those things, as only You can.
We commit ourselves to You, knowing that with You, there is life, and life more abundantly (John 10:10).
By faith, we believe You can do that for us now.
Thank You.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Looking Back (Christina’s World)- (“IF You Know?” and “Just Violated?”)
“It is the glory of The Most High to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”
Proverbs 25:2
Sickness can be intergenerational.
It is in abuse, shame, and secrecy.
The Most High sees and knows all.
He knows the answers to your questions.
Seek Him about your painful experiences, whatever they were.
“For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.”
Luke 12:2
Looking Back, (Christina)
The artist, Andrew Wyeth.
His famous painting.
As a little girl, this was the first piece of art that captured my attention and resonated with me.
“Christina’s World.”
What captivated me as that child?
A young girl, herself, Christina, with brown hair, sitting far from her farmhouse, looking at its dilapidated condition.
It’s palpable.
You see sadness, desperation, resignation, poverty, a stifled limitation in her life.
It’s barren.
There are five buildings: a farmhouse, and barns or sheds making up the rest.
You don’t see her face. She is away from the viewer. You see her dark brown hair, tied back, with wisps gently blowing in the breeze.
She wears a simple pink dress. She props herself with her arms, reclining into the yellow field.
It’s desolate. Lonely.
Part of what resonated for me as the child was the farm.
I was a farm girl.
I know what small -town, rural life looks and feels like.
Lonely. Barren. Limited.
That was my experience. I have spent my life reconciling, attempting to heal from, and moving on from it.
Results are… well, not fully in, as to how successfully I have accomplished that feat.
At the time of my late mother’s stroke, sixteen years ago, I was confronted by overwhelming dilapidation.
Of my mother.
Of that farm I grew up on.
A “socially isolated widow,” as described within her hospital report, she embodied the desolation. The isolation. The loneliness. The barrenness.
Prior to the stroke that forever changed her life, she could not continue with the upkeep of the farm.
No regular painting of the buildings happened.
Decay set it, as each of the numerous buildings gave way. Shingles from roofs blew off. Mold and rot ate at the wood.
The main barn completely collapsed with a deafening implosion.
Returning to my childhood farm, after years of absence, it was stark.
And it brought up the past: looking back.
“But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.”
Genesis 19:26
Most of us are familiar with the Biblical figure of Lot’s wife.
She looked back and turned to salt.
Most agree it’s a cautionary tale of forsaking what’s ahead for what our history was. Our past.
My mother’s death, late last year, has hit me with a surge of my past.
Dealing with it. Looking at it. Wondering, at any given point, am I wallowing IN it?
Am I disobedient, on my own way to turning into my own pillar of salt?
At the risk of being and sounding faithless, I am not restored, nor healed, from much of my past trauma, abuse, and memories.
I look back… a lot.
And I’m disheartened and reproached by further scripture…
“…‘No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of The Most High.’”
Luke 9:62
I could place fake faith smiles upon my face, reassuring and convincing everyone around me that I have moved past… my past.
But that would be a lie.
Instead, I am wrestling.
I am wrestling with the concept of letting go.
And wrestling is not merely restricted to the pain I’m experiencing.
It is also attached to… purpose.
Purpose that is found within the past, to be useful for now.
And there is much about my history that can be useful.
Healing. Restorative.
New… and Now.
That is where the tension lies, especially concerning one scripture.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:18-19
I am convicted and challenged by it.
I am still left with questions and tension.
Where am I on the scale of healing and needing to address and confront my past?
How do I let go?
What work am I responsible for doing, because of a greater purpose, lying within history’s desolation and hopelessness?
What am I responsible for working on, versus, leaving alone?
Questions, questions, questions.
I am in the middle of that right now.
I am my own expression of Christina, facing “Christina’s World.”
I am not solely that.
But looking back at the past… is a part of who I am.
Struggling for and with healing is a part of that as well.
How about you?
“My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.”
Psalm 31:15
ABBA-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
You know how we struggle with our “former things.”
You know how we are affected by where we came from.
You know how we are haunted by our past.
Thank You that, yes, You, indeed, have “new things” for us, new blessings.
Forgive and help us with our “old.”
Sometimes, yes, there is purpose within that “old.”
Help us, give us wisdom and discernment, as we approach that reality.
If there is, indeed, purpose within that wreckage, anoint and heal us to bring that to the surface, for Your Glory’s sake.
Thank You for healing, for loving, for redeeming.
Help us to live that out in our lives.
Thank You that You are doing just that, individually and uniquely.
We receive it, by faith, and by the finished work of Salvation’s Cross, through Your Son, Our Savior.
We receive it, in Yahshua’s Name,
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
“The Name” Devotional
What’s in a Name?
What’s in HIS Name?
How Do We Address Him?
Scripture Mentions His Name.
What Does That Mean To Him?
Amazon.com: The Name Devotional
It’s not the object; it’s the light.
“Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow springs of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
“It's not the object discovered that matters, but the light that falls on it “
Boris Pasternak
A family friend once gave me her doll when I was six. It was from the 1950s, one of those “walking dolls.” Just over three feet, I was initially excited about it.
And then, I started changing my mind.
I sat it in my rocking chair. I didn’t play with it. In fact, I soon got creeped out by the doll as I walked by it. I just didn’t have a good feeling about it; I was afraid of it.
My parents eventually threw it away because of my response.
I am not one of those people who have phobias about dolls. I have collected them all my life. As a child, I played with many baby dolls and Barbies.
Still, I can understand the “creeped out” perspective people have concerning them.
Back in the day, with my doll collection on display in my room, there is an eerie kind of light, between midnight and dawn that makes these toys look menacing, even demonic.
Hey, if there was a famous line in the horror flick, “Jaws,” talking about the shark’s killer black eyes looking like “dolls’ eyes,” there, yes, can be a real terror looking into these blank stares at three in the morning. It’s like the glow of the Michael Myers’ mask in the “Halloween” movie franchise.
Ghostly. Ghastly.
Not something you want to hug. Not something you want to encounter.
Not something you want, period.
The walking doll, years ago, has taught me a lesson about wanting what we think we want.
Don’t you want this?
We can believe the hype, ours, or anyone else’s, for that matter. We believe we want something. So, when our experience doesn’t match up, when we get “creeped out” by it, it’s usually not too long before we hear, “Don’t you want this?”
We can talk ourselves into wanting something we really don’t want. We can gaslight ourselves. We can believe we’re “supposed to” want this.
And, when we discover, no, we don’t, we blame ourselves. It’s our fault.
But to whom does this “want” belong? Is it ours? Is it someone- or something- else’s agenda at work? Would it be convenient, easy, problem-solving, and profitable if we, indeed, wanted what someone else wanted?
Like a medical or a law degree, so there’s a doctor or a lawyer in the family?
Too many times, we ignore answering a valid question, nagging us, “But do I want this?”
Let’s go back to the concept of a doll collection. A large, diverse, aesthetically preferable grouping of numerous dolls. Maybe there’s a honed emphasis on a certain kind of doll: antique, porcelain, or China doll, for instance. But they’re all making their presence known. They may be sequestered to one room or space; they could be spread throughout the home. But they’re there.
I’ve been a doll collector since I was a child. By my adolescence, I was dedicated to their display and preservation. My collection was grouped together on a long shelf in my room. Some were porcelain, with glass eyes. Some were ragdolls. There was even a celebrity doll, here and there, like a Judy-Garland-as-Dorothy-from- “The- Wizard- of- Oz” doll.
Toto, too!
Anyway, starting my staunch collector attitude in my teens, as I bumped along, I began to have buyer’s remorse as I acquired various dolls. I outgrew my need to have them. But more than that. I had an aversion for them now. I tried to cover them up with other dolls, so I wouldn’t have to look at them.
So, answering the question, “Don’t you want this?”,the answer was “No.”
But I felt there was no way out. I had committed to the dolls. No turning back. No making another choice. I may hate the dolls the entire time, eventually, but there was no backing out.
And that can apply to any of our objects of desire. We are stuck with them. Saddled with them.
We made our creepy doll bed.
Now we need to lie down IN it.
Are you scared?
The stuff of life can be scary. Again, the common doll can fit the bill here.
We may be uneasy. We may have an unpleasant response about a certain thing.
Is that unpleasant response…fear?
What we think we want, like that of a doll collection, can suddenly scare us. It can be intimidating.
Glassy doll eyes. Dream promotion. A rare antique. The love of a lifetime.
Just some possible examples of stuff we think we want that come to frighten us… for whatever reason.
Is it a good fear… or a bad one? Are we scared because something’s “too good to be true?” Are we freaked out because something is familiar? Is it healthy or unhealthy? Does it look like a perfect status symbol that will solve our lives?
Why are we afraid of “it?”
Gut instinct… or are we trying to talk ourselves out of heeding our gut instinct?
What IS This?
Is a doll just a doll, or is it truly menacing?
What is our object of desire?
What is this… and why is this?
Myopic tunnel vision, idealization, and magical thinking of our unruly inner children run amuck can keep us from answering the crucial questions, giving us insight into our natures.
I never got to the bottom of why that walking doll I was given as a child freaked me out so much. I liked dolls. Why couldn’t I like that one? Why couldn’t I feel anything besides creeped out, as, try as I might, I never convinced myself I was happy to have this walking doll?
I didn’t have a clue then, but I’m gaining more understanding now.
What does the light look like?
Enter therapy.
Enter “the light.”
“It's not the object discovered that matters, but the light that falls on it “
Boris Pasternak
Light can illuminate. It can terrify. It can obscure and distort. It can educate.
What is our definition and presentation of light? What does the light look like?
Is the light truly that? What if it’s the diametrically opposing darkness, one filled with pitfalls and harm?
What if light, from our past, shown in precise and manipulative angles, really wasn’t the worst-case Boogey Man, after all?
Exploring these questions, through therapy, can get us more in touch with both light and our shadow selves. We have both.
It can be a doll collection that unsettles us. And it can be anything and anyone also.
Looking past the object to the response we have TO the light illuminating and distorting it, is a starting point to becoming healthier, peaceful, and better versions of ourselves.
What is the object? What is the light?
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
“Playing Detective?” (“IF You Know?” And “Just Violated?”)
“It is the glory of The Most High to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”
Proverbs 25:2
Proverbs 25:2 has been thematic in my life. And most of my life, I didn’t know about its wording.
But living it out?
Yep, I was doing that constantly.
With abuse and toxic secrecy, we are not dealt with straight, especially as children.
Cognitive dissonance, therefore, sets in.
We are “told” one thing. But we “experience” another.
Which one do we believe?
This can turn many of us into detectives, trying to get AT the truth.
Are you one? Are you a detective?
Maybe The Most High has called you to be!
“For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.”
Luke 12:2
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Perpetrator and Victim? (“Just Violated?”)
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
It can be asserted that every violating perpetrator starts out as a victim.
Human beings learn behavior from somewhere… or from someone.
Generational patterns of different kinds of violations can play themselves out in families.
Secrecy.
Issues involving, but not limited to, spiritual and racial identity issues, anger, and, of course, sexual abuse all can be practiced and taught, from one generation to the next.
Generational patterns.
Generational… curses?
What do you see within your own family structure?
What keeps occurring?
What keeps being silenced?
What keeps hurting others?
“(Just) Violated?” Book Excerpt:
…Rages? Control? Throwing things away that meant something? Threatening him?
Was it all of it like what he practiced on my mother and me?
Sadism? Enjoying a weak person’s fear and pain?
In his child mind, did he decide, in a fear-filled and hurt state, “One day, I’m going to make them afraid of me?”
Revenge. Childhood can, unfortunately, provoke those dreams.
“Generational curses” were perpetuating.
My dad was born in the same house he lived his entire life, apart from a brief stint in the Army, serving in World War II, and then a care facility, shortly before he died. All his siblings, once grown, left the family farm, had marriages, families, and careers of their own.
My dad remained on the farm. He was a bachelor there until his late forties, living with his parents until, they both eventually had health issues and died.
He probably didn’t feel good about that. Especially being alone, with no female to look after his needs.
We see where this is going. It is a behavior. It is a pattern.
Being on that farm, and in that farmhouse for the first time in his life alone must have terrified him. I have mentioned how I saw, firsthand, that he didn’t like being alone. He didn’t like being away from my mother. Or, maybe, more accurately, he did not like her being away from him.
It’s not surprising, therefore, back then, as an alone bachelor, he made it his mission to “wife up.”
Entitled To…
…Perpetuate.
Here we go. It’s actively happening. He is pursuing “a wife.”
He wanted someone to take care of him: to cook, to clean, and to take care of his sexual desires.
So, when he met my mother, he probably saw his opportunity.
Get her!
He, learning his lessons about male-female relationships, felt, therefore empowered and entitled to play by that rulebook.
“Children learn what they live.”
And then, they grow up and perpetuate it on others…
What was it that I was born into? What was it that I endured?
What WAS I “a product of?”
Rape? Abuse? Violence?
(“Just”) Violation?
Amazon.com: (“Just”) Violated?
Unbothered
Whenever I try to distract myself from writing, and other assorted work and chores, I often scroll social media, cute animal gifs, and videos.
Recently, I came across one cat video, in which the spotlighted feline was confidently strutting alongside a spastic, probably clueless, puppy, zigzagging in and out of the path the cat was strutting on.
It did not deter our kitty, however. Instead, the creature just kept moving forward, sometimes, with perturbed ears, folded back slightly.
But, nevertheless, it kept walking.
The cat appeared to have mastered “The Art of Ignoring.”
You and I could learn some lessons from this fluffy feline.
It has to do with the issue of being “Bothered.”
Its definition?
“Mind, care, worry, trouble, concern, disturb. Trouble or annoy someone by interrupting or causing inconvenience.”
Yeah, I’d say that about covers it. You and I are bothered by a lot daily.
Big bothers. Little bothers.
Life.
Scripture has some things to say about being bothered. And, warning, these scriptures can ALSO bother us, at least, at face- or flesh- value.
Because pesky humanity simply just does not want to be bothered.
Right?
Let’s briefly roll out a few bothersome, and/or bother-themed, verses.
Count it all joy…
“Esteem it all joy, my brothers, when you might fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let endurance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 4:2-4
There’s just nothing like getting off to a great start (I typed sarcastically).
Seriously, who is groaning, throwing a pen across a room, rolling their eyes?
I can’t see you doing so, but I feel you.
Because I have done all the above… and then some.
I never declared they were my proudest, finest moments.
Still, human responses, and they are not joyful, are they?
The “various trials,” symbolically, are the embodiment of that spastic puppy, darting in and out of our life pathway. We, the equally symbolic cat, are tasked with the challenge to walk, and not only walk, but to also confidently strut forward in our destination.
Easier said than strutted.
The “Strut” is our confidence, a/k/a, our faith. The “perseverance?” We “press.”
“I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward calling of YHWH in ( יֵשׁוּעַ Ha-Mashiach) Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:14
It’s our continual walk, no matter what annoying puppy jumps in front of us. We are moving along. We are going from “Point A,” to “Point B.”
Unbothered.
Who is feeling like the confident Kitty in their life walk?
Yeah, I know.
We all need work here.
So, we keep going.
Next scripture?
Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…
“Even though I may walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4
This scriptural passage gets trotted out a lot concerning dread and death. Harrowing circumstances.
Dogs and cats.
A lot of us may believe that the dog could do far more damage to the cat, than vice versa.
But reality? Have you SEEN the ferocity of a feline, even one much smaller than the biggest, most intimidating-looking canines?
Go do a quick internet search for “kitten bossing around big dogs,” for instance.
“Exhibit A.”
Again, our strutting, unbothered, cat displays a confident, yet smaller, creature, moving along its path, with a determined, non-phased demeanor.
It was not scared. It was not cowering.
As the enthusiastic pup kept romping along the cat’s walk, you could just feel how, probably, several times, that morning, the puppy may have gotten a nose full of swiping claws.
The cat would have no problem, whatsoever, putting Fido in its place.
Smackdown.
Even if Fido weighed eighty pounds, to Kitty’s seven pounds.
Still, no match.
Unbothered.
Armed with The Truth of WHO is with us, In His Presence, Love, and Word, we have the ability and the authority to cause our own smackdown.
We put on the full armor OF The Most High (Ephesians 6:10-18)
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on the full armor of The Most High, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13 Therefore put on the full armor of The Most High, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of The Most High.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all Elohim’s people.
Tired yet?
Well, we still aren’t done.
Yay. How about some weights? Or, more specifically, getting RID of some weights?
Set aside every weight…
“Therefore we also, having such a great cloud of witnesses encompassing us, having put off every weight and the sin easily entangling, should run through perseverance the race lying before us, looking to יְהוֹשֻׁעַ,, the author and perfecter of our faith, who in view of the joy lying before Him endured the cross, having despised its shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of YHWH.”
Hebrews 12:1-2
Going back to our dog and cat here, we see how the cat struts-glides- seemingly weightless. It does not have a bunch of burdensome things attached to it. It is streamlined and focused.
The feline “keeps it moving.”
Likewise, we are to do the same.
Our baggage weighs us down. Issues, Our “past,” vices, addictions, anger, fear- all of it is some form of distracting puppy, hopping in and out of our life pathway.
Sometimes, it delays our destination.
And, yeah, many of us often can feel like our destination, our purpose, has come a screeching HALT!
We need to “keep it moving.”
A goal, a plan, a destination.
And that involves Our Shepherd Savior (John 3:16).
And even with death staring Him down, He CHOSE to keep going.
He chose us.
“We love Him, because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
He set the template. He carved the path for us.
Therefore, we follow… and become… Unbothered.
(It’s a process, sometimes frustrating, and error-filled).
How are you and I dealing with that path right now?
Off the path?
Stumbling?
Going in a wrong direction?
Besieged with distractions and weights?
He knows.
Even more reason why He helps.
He wants to help us get moving, moving closer to Him, moving closer to the call He has concerning our destined lives.
Want to walk a little more like that feline?
Let’s pray.
Abba,
I come to You, through Our Shepherd.
Your only begotten Son, Our Savior, יֵשׁוּעַ.
You know my walk. You know how I struggle and stumble.
You know if I’m only distracted with weights, sins, and problems, easily besetting me.
You know all. Forgive me.
Help me.
I don’t feel confident about where I’m going, or how I’m moving.
Even if I try to put on a brave front, You know the reality.
You know my fear.
Help me.
Move me along Your path for me. Help me to stay ON it.
Lead me. Guide me.
By faith, I trust You.
I am unbothered, knowing You are in control of my life.
Take that control now.
Thank You.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Emotional Outbursts (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Emotions and self-control.
They seem like they are opposing forces, don’t they?
Many of us are familiar with Proverbs 4:23, about the importance of keeping our hearts diligently, because issues spill out of it.
How many of us struggle to DO that, however?
Yeah.
Again, we are not separate “from them.”
The inmates. The prisoners.
And again, there but for The Grace of The Most High go you and I.
Many of “them” had an emotional outburst that landed them in prison.
Just one decision.
Just one out-of-control moment.
Sound familiar? Can you relate?
Try to, even now, right where you are.
We are given a spirit, from Elohim, of power, love, and a sound mind.
“For The Most High gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7
For so many of us, it can take a lifetime to understand that.
How much more, then, for those is prison, “doing time?”
Remember that today. It’s easier to judge than it is to empathize.
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Only Dirty and Unclean? (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)
“Their tables are covered with vomit; filth is everywhere.”
Isaiah 28:8 “
Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.”
Ezekiel 36:25
“The Son is the radiance of The Most High’s glory and the exact representation of His Being, sustaining all things by His powerful Word. After He had provided purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in Heaven.”
Hebrews 1:3
You’re getting cleaned up.
“Come now, let us settle the matter… Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18
You are His Beloved Child. There is purity where there once was filth.
Follow Him now.
Remember, He loves you so much…
“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3
Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books
Teachers? (Thin Enough)
“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea.”
Mark 9:42
Besides notebooks, pencils, and school clothes, unfortunately, dieting and disordered image are on many kids “back to school” list. They are getting younger and younger.
And usually, it starts out with a comment, an inappropriate comment, that sends a message… a harmful message.
Don’t Ever Ask a Child, “Are You Dieting?”
Back to school.
I just started fourth grade. I was on the playground, at recess. “Mrs. K,” my teacher from third grade, was supervising, making sure no one fell of the monkey bars or beat up another kid.
She spotted me and greeted me. I felt special. Here was a grown up talking to me. I had respect for this teacher. Maybe now, as a fourth grader, I reasoned, I was finally mature enough to engage in conversation with an adult.
I was nine years old. I was finally “worthy.”
“Sheryle, you’re slimmer. Are you dieting?”
I felt flattered. I felt seen.
I guess, over the summer, I had a growth spurt.
I was an overweight child. I knew from being told, at age seven, that I was “fat.” I
had been on diets with my mother already at this age. We had, as our goal to be at our “right weight.”
At age nine, I was self-conscious about being at a “wrong weight.”
So, this interaction with Mrs. K felt validating, transformative. I felt I received a grownup stamp of approval. I was now worth something.
Because of how I looked.
“You shall have no other gods before Me.”
Exodus 20:3
“Sheryle, you’re slimmer. Are you dieting?”
I know my third- grade teacher meant no harm by speaking these words. Perhaps, she honestly thought she was complimenting me and building my self-esteem.
Her words were out of ignorance, not malice.
However, those words still had harm built into them.
She didn’t know the disordered eating reality I was already learning at that young age. She didn’t know how I was made to feel less than because of my supposedly fat child body. (I wasn’t “fat.” I learned, years later, that I was merely a child growing, with the awkwardness that comes with that growth).
And, from a place of faith, she certainly wasn’t thinking that she was influencing idolatry.
But that’s what body image, dieting, and being a certain aesthetic are: idolatry.
She first let me know my image, one that was “slimmer,” was approved of.
“Better than” what I was before, I guess, as that third grader.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of (YAH) God.”
Romans 12:2
She didn’t know that, as that new fourth grade student, I needed abundant reinforcement and lessons about seeing myself through The Most High’s Eyes, not anyone else’s eyes, especially the diet industry.
More importantly, I didn’t know I needed those lessons.
I could have avoided so much pain, and so many years of self-hate, had I been told, encouraged, and read for myself…
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”
Psalm 139:14
But, in that back-to-school moment, as that nine-year-old, I believe the grownup teacher.
I trusted that she would only tell me what was right.
So surely, me being “slimmer,” was good, even “better,” than who I was before.
Dangerous.
Do you see the dangerous teachable moment, whether anyone is aware of it?
“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea.”
Mark 9:42
Scripture, here, may seem to be severe overkill. In that moment, I knew Mrs. K didn’t actively attempt to kill me.
It was slower, more gradual and more passive than that.
She didn’t plant the eating disorder seed. That was already sprouting from my family environment. It would take a decade before I was at a two-digit weight, emaciated, and punishing myself with up to six hours of exercise a day.
It was years later, when one eating disorder morphed into another one.
She didn’t know; she didn’t intend that to happen.
Ignorance, not malice.
“My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.”
James 3:1
But this IS the caution, not just for schoolteachers, or even ministers of the Gospel, but for all of us. Adults, yes, but influencers and teachers have no age limit.
It is about influence.
We can build. We can harm, by how we show up and relate to others.
Childhood is referred to as “the formative years” for a reason. There is forming occurring. We are growing and changing.
And with “back-to-school,” this can be quite an obvious transformation process.
Kids come back from the summer having, for instance, grown six inches, getting braces, or getting braces removed from their teeth. Some kids lose weight; some “fill out.”
Whatever those changes are, there needs to be an awareness of how impressionable these young minds and hearts are.
As the influencer, be you teacher, coach, pastor, parent, or friend, please know your value system comes across to those around you. What you esteem as “good” or “bad,” “preferred,” or “rejected,” IS being taught to eyes and ears paying attention to you.
You hold sway.
Please make sure that the sway builds up, not tears down.
“…‘It is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.’”
Luke 17:1-2
What can you and I do?
Don’t call attention to body size and shape.
No matter how extreme the changes you may see in them are.
Be mindful that the person has heard, more than likely, how they look “wrong.” Don’t add TO that. Don’t “compliment,” either. That prioritizes value through image. That can add pressure to wrongly conform, like through a crash diet.
You may think and feel what you do about a person’s appearance. Don’t translate that into a “good or bad” estimation, speaking it to them.
Relate to them as the individual they are.
One thing Mrs. K did correctly?
She called me by my name.
“…‘I have called you by your name; You are Mine.’”
Isaiah 43:1
People love to hear their names. It’s about acknowledgement.
So, acknowledge.
Learn and call someone by their name. It signals “yes, I see you as you, not what you look like or what you do.”
Be mindful of our own thoughts.
Self-examination is spiritual.
Our thoughts, yes, influence others, for positive or negative.
But they also influence us.
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…”
Proverbs 23:7
What are we believing, saying to ourselves?
Is it causing harm? Is it helpful? Is it true?
We carry influence on others, yes.
But we also influence ourselves. And eventually, we go in the direction of our influencing thoughts. Is that where we want to go?
So, perhaps, we are saying words to ourselves like “fat” and “slim,” with value estimation attached to them.
What is that doing to and for us?
It’s doing something.
Is it glorifying to Our Creator?
“Back-to-school” season is not just about getting new clothes and school supplies for the kids.
It can be a reminder of the reset.
Change. Change of the seasons. Growth.
And yes, education.
Let’s get better educated.
And let’s pray.
ABBA FATHER-
We come to You in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
Forgive us for our negative influence. We have caused harm to others, to ourselves, and have hurt you by what we believed and have said.
You know our thoughts; You “perceive them from afar” (Psalm 139:2).
Help us WITH those thoughts.
Heal them.
Let them glorify You and build Your Kingdom. That includes how we treat and speak to others and how we treat and speak to ourselves.
Heal us of wrong and harmful value estimations, placed upon us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Help us to learn, to accept, and to embody Your Truth.
Thank You.
We receive it all, in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua,
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
What’s The Pointillism?
Do you see the tiny dots up close, or the total image, standing further away?
Pointillism, as utilized by the artist George Seurat, is the technique in which images are created through tiny painted dots.
Up close, we see only the dots. But, stepping back, getting “the bigger picture,” we see it takes a form.
It is some kind of image.
In his famous work, “A Sunday Afternoon On The Island La Grande Jatte,” we see an excellent example of Pointillism.
Dots.
So many dots that turn into people.
The little blonde girl is famously associated with the painting.
Look at her closer, versus the smaller, centered, full-length depiction of her.
She looks less like a girl, and more like a mess of colorful spots.
Features are harder to distinguish. It’s a lot like our lives.
Up close, messy dots, that don’t seem to take any shape.
Further away?
There’s a picture. There’s form. There’s meaning.
“For the heavens are higher than the earth; so My ways are higher than your⁺ ways, and My thoughts than your⁺ thoughts. For as the rain comes down—and the snow—from the heavens, and from there it does not return until it has quenched the earth and made it bring forth and sprout, that it may give seed to the one sowing and bread to the one eating, so is My word that goes forth from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty until it has done that which I delight, and it will prosper for that which I send it.”
Isaiah 55:9-11
Articulated Sheep
I love sheep; I have loved them since I was a child.
Especially lambs.
I recently bought an articulated miniature lamb, from one of those 3-D printers. Its body is in articulated segments, at its head, its legs, and its midsection.
Its articulation makes a clicking noise, probably similar to the sound of an insect. That sound has captivated my kitten, Holy Ingenue’s attention.
Cats and bugs.
Anyway, its articulated legs can splay flat on a surface, or be more column-like, standing on its own.
And, likewise, especially, if my kitten gets ahold on it, it can be flipped on its back, with its four feet in the air.
Like that of real sheep.
Yeah, it’s a common predicant for these animals.
Unfortunately, sheep can get themselves stuck, flat on their backs, with their legs stuck in the air.
It may look amusing or adorable, but it can be a deadly situation for them. They cannot “right themselves” on their own. And their own body weight can even cause pressure/suffocation for their bodies, as this stuck position is hard on their hearts.
Heavily pregnant, old, or injured sheep are even more vulnerable, stuck in that position. They need their shepherd to come up to them, grab them, and stand them upright.
Sometimes, the sheep’s legs are shaky once they are repositioned with human intervention. They struggle to stand or walk.
They are at risk for predators.
Scripture describes us, throughout its passages, as sheep.
Helpless, clueless, always getting struck in some type of briar, or falling off from some kind of cliff, at the risk of countless predators, sheep.
Hence, our Good Shepherd…
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13 The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”
John 10:11-18
He helps us to stand up correctly. He rescues us. He helps articulate us, not just our limbs, but all the issues and factors in our lives. He works to make sure that we can move effectively…
“…‘I will feed My flock, and I will make them lie down…I will seek what was lost and bring back what was driven away, bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick; but I will destroy the fat and the strong, and feed them in judgment.’”
Ezekiel 34:15-16
Scripture describes how it is not just WHO is an enemy to us, that He will deal with, but also WHAT is an enemy to us as well.
“Then the trees of the field shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase. They shall be safe in their land; and they shall know that I am YHWH, when I have broken the bands of their yoke and delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them. And they shall no longer be a prey for the nations, nor shall beasts of the land devour them; but they shall dwell safely, and no one shall make them afraid.”
Ezekiel 34:27-28
We have a variety of enemies, predators, issues, vices, weaknesses.
And, of course, we have the enemy of our souls…
“Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8
All of this may sound intimidating and depressing. It’s not difficult to feel like those stranded sheep, with their feet stuck in the air.
Yet, again, our Shepherd, Our GOOD Shepherd…
“…He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his Name’s Sake.”
Psalm 23:1-3
No matter what kind of sheep you are, one of the 99 or the one needing rescue, you are not too far gone.
Rather, you are marked.
You hear His Voice, because you have already been selected. That includes those of us tangled in briars, lost, injured, and with our feet stuck in the air.
You hear Him; He’s calling you right now.
Respond, then, respond.
This is your moment.
“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize His Voice and come to Him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow Him because they know His Voice.”
John 10:3-4
This is your opportunity to transform from paralysis to movement.
He wants to articulate you with His love…
“The thief does not come except so that he might steal and might kill and might destroy. I came so that they may have life and may have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
He wants to set you a-right.
Will you let Him in to do so?
Let’s pray.
Yahshua, My Savior, יֵשׁוּעַ.
I do fully come to You now, asking You to be My Savior, to take over my life.
You know exactly how I am stuck, how it seems like I cannot move.
I feel trapped.
I know that You paid The Price for me; You died for me.
Just like a Good Shepherd sacrifices Himself for his flock, You have chosen, chased after, and have decided to rescue me.
It’s overwhelming to think about; thank You.
Forgive me for my sins; You know them all.
Help me to listen to and follow You.
Help me to stand and walk. You know how shaky I have been in my life.
Help me.
Thank You.
I receive You as my Savior and Shepherd, by faith, now.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
College Reinvention? (Thin Enough)
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt)
…Diet and defeat, attempts and failure had become my way of life. That is, until one day, when diet became Victory for me. And little by little, attempt by attempt, pound by pound, inch by inch, I succeeded at cutting away the excess weight. But more than that, I found control, victory, accomplishment, perfection, and worth.
Question: Do you feel you must be perfect at everything you do?
I took control. “All right,” I said to myself, “if I can’t have the love, the worthiness, the me that I want, I’ll make it on my own.” Control became the name of the game now. Even though I thought it was the beginning of my promised land, this was when the real danger, the real wilderness began.
Question: Do you feel in control of your life when you control your food and weight?
The summer after my senior year of high school became my “put up or shut up” summer. As I prepared for college, I had a lot to prove—to myself, to the haunting jeers of classmates, to the boys who had not been asking me out. I had to prove that I was a worthwhile, beautiful girl. During my entire adolescence, I had been the fat girl, the “good friend,” the funny sidekick to the beautiful girls. But that would all change this summer. So I started another diet. At eighteen, I’d had years of failure at diet and exercise programs. But this time I was determined—determined to re-invent myself for my new life at college.
I started looking for role models I could pattern myself after. I chose Audrey Hepburn for her thin, delicate beauty. I chose Madonna to be my fitness and female empowerment guide. She was a beautiful, lean, muscular version of what I’d deemed a woman “having it all” was like. I thought they had perfect lives, and mine would be perfect too if I could be as beautiful as they were. I coveted who these women were. So much for the “no other gods” commandment. I was breaking that one daily... I pursued my own idol of perfect, thin beauty and self-obsession.
Question: Do you compare yourself to other girls and women regarding your physical appearance?
Idols are still around for the coveting and worshiping. That hasn’t changed. I found my idols in Hollywood.
In Hollywood, there is a trend for actresses to be an unusually thin size. It seems to be a competitive “who’s the thinnest one of them all” scenario, pressuring actresses to slim down to not just a size 8 or 6 dress, but to even go as low as a size 0. Size 0! Since actresses sell, in part, their physical appearance, unwillingness or inability to whittle down to a tiny size automatically translates into being “less marketable” and “difficult.” They can lose anything from their popularity to actual work in film and television.
Take for instance, the female cast of the television show “Friends.” When the show began ten years ago, the actresses were at more normal, healthy weights. However, the more popular the show became, the more weight the cast lost. Media controversy swirled around their thinning bodies. Whether or not they were anorexic or bulimic, it still sent a dangerous, confusing message: the thinner you are, the more successful you will be in your life and career.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had watched the series at 19, the thin, female cast members would have been my personal standard of what women should look like and be: a size 0 in all of its glory…
“40-60% of high school girls diet.”
—The Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorders: Eating Disorders: A Summary of Issues, Statistics, and Resources. http://www.renfrew.org.
…Question: Do you feel you are worthy of love only when you are thin or look a certain way?
Unfortunately, I bought the wrong product; I bought the lie. With my role models in place and my mind made up, I plowed straight ahead with my goals. I drank diet drinks that tasted like chocolate-flavored chalk. I started exercising on a stationary bike, a real bike, and a mini trampoline. The exercise sped up my success. I started losing weight and keeping it off! I felt exhilaration and power. I started exercising an hour every day, pedaling on my bikes or jumping up and down on the trampoline to music in my family’s basement.
For the first time in my life, people appreciated my body, my looks. People now referred to me as “tiny” and “cute.” People were now coming up to me, saying things like, “Keep it up,” “Keep doing what you’re doing,” and of course, (with a happy smile on their face) “You’ve lost weight!” I’d had years of people complimenting me for my talent, mind, “good personality” and “sense of humor,” but these new compliments were intoxicating! I realized the truth of the statement: “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” For me, being thinner qualified me to be loved and accepted by others.
Guys were now approving of me, flirting with me. They now hugged, touched me—they even picked me up and carried me around. I was thrilled. My whole life, I’d not been held like this, picked up like this, not even by my own father. And now guys were physically and emotionally whisking me off my feet.
I also loved the fact that I could wear clothes that were stylish, whose design wasn’t to camouflage, to hide, to deny “unsightly” lumps, bumps, rolls. I could go in and try on a size six dress and find it too big for me! Yesss! I could step on a scale, fully dressed, including shoes and a coat, and only register 120 lbs.
Each comment, lost pound, and lost inch gave me more of an incentive. As I lost weight, I found myself always in need of a new goal. If 115 lbs. looked this great on me, why stop there? I eventually became convinced that death—at least the look of starvation—was beautiful.I was envying the “beauty,” the look of the malnourished, the tortured—even those in concentration camps. I now went beyond looking to Audrey Hepburn and Madonna as role models and influences. They were now competition for me. If I could be thinner than these women, then I’d be better than they were as well.
Ah, at long last, control over something in my life. I couldn’t control who loved me or what was going on in my family, but I could control this! I could control my body! And soon this control did turn into something I’d hungered for, craved my entire life: power, power in the beauty, the newfound thin beauty I was discovering. College would be a new beginning for sure, I thought. I was the Sheryle I always thought I wanted to be…
Freezing Layers (Thin Enough)
(Thin Enough Book Excerpt)
One of my “goals” was fitting into a bridesmaid dress for my cousin’s wedding. She asked me in March to be a bridesmaid in her summer wedding. At that time, I weighed around 115-120 lbs, which translated into a size 9/ 10 dress.
By June, I was about 95-100 lbs and the dress swallowed me. I felt my accomplishment as the seamstress cinched in the sides of the waist. Yes, I was getting smaller. My cousin could only look at my mother in stunned, horrified disbelief. But, hey, I was successful!
Question: Do people around you (family members and friends) make comments about your weight loss/appearance?
I really started obsessing the two weeks prior to the wedding. Looking back on my diary entries, I wrote a repetitive string of comments like, “I’m not going to eat today or tomorrow,” and “I can’t blow it now. I’m so close.” I was desperate to convince my mom that I was just “slimming down” for a special occasion. To prove myself, I asked for the two of us to draw up a written agreement… In the meantime, I continued days straight without eating, accompanied by hours of excessive exercise, 2 - 4000 sit-ups a day, insanity etc., insanity etc.
The August wedding eventually came and proved to be both anti-climactic and tense. The build up, the hype, the “end-all, be-all” quality I had attached to it was replaced with a disappointing reality… I tried on the dress and discovered that’s all it was—just a dress. Yes, it was hanging on me, but it didn’t really mean anything anymore. I was too exhausted for it to mean anything to me. I had to pin the sides of the dress with safety pins…
Despite the fact that I was freezing, I was determined to wear this girly pink southern belle extravaganza off the shoulder. Mom, however, felt differently. With a look of disgust on her face, kept pushing up the shoulders on the dress. It was more than just a mother/ daughter appropriate dressing situation here. She was trying to cover up her grotesque daughter with her grotesque collarbones and her grotesque shoulder blades. I was an embarrassment, something to be ashamed of, repulsed by—again.
All day, I got double-takes and felt constant stares. Family and guests at the wedding, one by one, stared just a little too long, making me uncomfortable. Here I was, my whole life craving attention, but not this! People stammered things like, “Sheryle, you look, pretty” and “My, you’re thin. I didn’t recognize you.” They obviously felt uncomfortable saying it. A guy cousin of mine said something like, “Man, you’re thin,” (two beats of awkward silence), “but—you—you look—good.” He said it to me like I was in danger of dying right there.
It was a long day. I focused most of my concentration on just staying vertical and not fainting. I had accomplished my goal; I was skinny for this wedding. I was just too exhausted and hollow to enjoy it.
Question: Do you consider yourself to be fat even when people comment on how thin you are?
My mom held me to our pact when the wedding was over. I’d dress for my “weigh in” in my workout clothes, a leotard, or a one-piece number of some sort. I’d then wear my long johns over that, with a t-shirt, then exercise pants and the matching shirt. This helped a lot in keeping me a little bit warmer. I then added a large flannel shirt and some baggy jeans—of course; any jeans at this point were baggy. I was wearing jeans that I wore when I was twelve years old. I was nineteen now, and they were enormous on me. I wore two pairs of socks to top it all off.
I’d approach Mom, confident in my armor and I’d step on the scale. Because I weighed myself several times a day, I knew I should only register 80-85 lbs. But with all of this, I felt triumphant as I watched the needle on the scale flicker to the 98/99 lb. mark—a “safe” number for my family to see.
I was “safe” once again, even though I was tired all of the time. At least I was living “in control.” I started feeling really guilty, especially when I prayed…
“The God Complex” (Cancerventures)
