“Death and The Girl?”

I love art. And the masterpiece, “Death and The Girl,” by Frans Van Kuyck, is one such example that resonates with me strongly.

Especially concerning my eating disorder experiences.

Many of us who struggle with this issue, not surprisingly, can also have suicidal ideation as well.

Death wishes.

That’s where I was, especially concerning my most intense phase of Anorexia.

(Thin Enough Book Excerpt):

“My heart pants, my strength fails me: As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me… For in you, O Lord, I hope: You will hear, O Lord my God.”

Psalm 38:10, 15

I was tired physically, emotionally, spiritually. I just existed, going through the motions each day. I didn’t want to be here anymore. At nineteen and eight months, I daily prayed, “God, just let me die. Don’t let me make it to age 20.” . . . .

Question: Do you ever have thoughts of wanting to die?

Personality Characteristics of Individuals with Anorexia Nervosa:

•• Perfectionists

•• Conflict avoidant

•• Emotionally and sexually inhibited

•• Compliant

•• Approval seeking

•• Excessively dependent

•• Socially anxious

•• Fear of spontaneity

•• Reluctant to take risks

•• Practice food rituals

Families of people with Anorexia Nervosa:

•• Enmeshed, overprotective, conflict-avoiding

•• Unresponsive to patient’s self-expressions

•• Independence is discouraged

•• Patient overly dependent on parents

•• Parents may urge young daughters to lose weight

Ohio State University FactSheet. “Eating Disorders Awareness: Emotional Issues Involved with Eating Disorders.” 4 July 2003 <http://ohioline.osu.edu/ed-fact/1005.html>.

Even through, at the time, I was unaware of “Death and the Girl,” I was embodying it, nonetheless.

Many of us who struggle with Anorexia have an intense fear of growing up.

I did.

It was the worst thing that could befall me, beyond “being fat.”

So, I do connect to the painting.

The innocent child of a girl, picking yellow flowers, while whatlooks to be the character of “Death” walks alongside her, with a Grim Reaper sickle in tow.

“Death” is close by; “Death” is looking in the little girl’s direction.

“Death” is waiting for its opportunity to take her.

There were too many times I felt like death was coming for me.

“The cords of death encompassed me;

the torrents of chaos overwhelmed me.

The cords of Sheol entangled me;

the snares of death confronted me.”

Psalm 18:4-5

Too many fainting episodes. Too many pounding heartbeats and pulse points from the inside crooks of my elbows and the backs of my knees.

Too much listlessness.

Too much despair.

Others died at weights higher than mine. I was acutely aware of that, while simultaneously competing to weigh less than their corpses.

I was terrified, yet I wanted it to end.

I was in the death place. Like in the famous painting, “Death” was my walking companion. And I felt as unsteady as its emaciated legs, walking next to me.

Back then, I could not imagine that I’d be here now, let alone, alive. Yeah, there’s been a lot of pain and struggle.

Yet, The Most High has kept me.

I wasn’t quite letting that sink in then.

It sinks in much more now.

“My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!”
Psalm 31:15

How about you?

Are you walking with “Death?”

Do you have a “death wish?”

How terrified and hopeless are you?

Terrified to grow up? To live?

To keep going?

Let’s pray.

Abba-

We come to You, in The Name of Our Savior, Yahshua.

You know where death walks with us: our thoughts, our fears, our lives, our struggles.

You know what already looks dead. You know what appears to be dying.

You know our despair. Forgive and help us for how we have turned to death, in any form, instead of to You.

Disordered eating, addiction, and depression are just some of the things we battle with.

Respond TO those things, as only You can.

We commit ourselves to You, knowing that with You, there is life, and life more abundantly (John 10:10).

By faith, we believe You can do that for us now.

Thank You.

Amen.

Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse