Why The Y?
Why “Y?”
Why “Y?”
Check the Hebrew alphabet. He is Hebrew, after all.
(IF You Know? Book Excerpt)
…Any “J-Name” was really a “Y-Name.”
So, most of the time, Our Savior was probably referred to as that “Y-Name.”
But here’s where there’s some darkly lit question marks.
“Your Name is near”
Psalm 75:1
Most of His Name references spelled it as “Yeshua.”
It tracks, as far as “the letter Y” being incorporated, not the un-invented-until-centuries’-later- “J.”
Again: there is NO “J” located within the Hebrew alphabet…
“…by His Name YAH and rejoice before Him.”
Psalm 68:4
Our Savior is the Son of Our Father. Our Father’s Name is YAH.
Not “Yesh,” as in “Yeshua.”
YAH.
Name Math: YAH Plus Shua
“YAH” Is Our Divine Father’s Name.
“Shua,” in Hebrew, means “to cry out (for rescue).”
Another definition? “Salvation.”
So, “YAH- is- Rescue.” “YAH- is- Salvation.”
YAH-Shua…
If You Know?: Cruse, Sheryle: 9798272042019: Amazon.com: Books
The Clown Car (Cancerventures)
“The Clown Car”
Cancer treatment is overwhelming. I call it “the Clown Car,” not to disparage the medical community, but to highlight just how many people we run into, as we go through the testing, the procedures, the surgeries, and the treatments we undergo.
It’s overwhelming.
But we are not alone. The Most High is with us.
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
Isaiah 43:2
“…The clown car players you may encounter…
Every person’s situation is unique, but here’s a basic list of people you may run into, diagnosis on.
General Physician
Imaging, ultrasound, and biopsy crew (including technicians and breast nurse navigators)
Surgeon(s)- depending on how extensive your surgery situation may be
Oncology (Since I don’t know the chemo drill here, I’d probably guess it’s an environment of nurses, persons in charge of scheduling, and more specialized chemo people).
Radiology
Gynecological Oncology
Physical Therapy (Including treatment of Lymphedema)
Dietician
Clinical Trials Specialist (s)
And you may also encounter…
A seemingly, never ending, slew of receptionists, nurses, and personal assistants, depending upon your diagnosis and treatment plan
Social Worker
Clinic Chaplain…
(“Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman” Book Excerpt)
Amazon.com: Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman eBook : Cruse, Sheryle: Kindle Store
Setting The Solitary
Hello, Gentlemen.
It’s me, again, Sheryle.
Yes, I am talking to you, “as a room full of men.”
But I am, more specifically, talking to you, “one-on-one.”
Because I know “lonely.”
“Isolated.”
“Away from the herd.”
Yes, congratulations. You are officially interacting with a lonely chick with issues.
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, maybe, With The Most High’s help (OH ABBA, Puh-Lease, help me), maybe, it could be a case of “what could go right?”
Let’s see what happens.
I am an “only child.”
I grew up with no one to communicate with most of the time. My checked out, disordered, and abusive parents, mostly left me to fend for myself. Entertain myself. They shoved toys in my direction, toys that I was supposed to play with neatly and silently, and not “bother” them.
When you are told that you are “a bother,” and that you are not supposed to be a bother, the result of that can be loneliness: a forced sentence.
THE SHU.
Before I go any further, let me ask you, is it okay if I bother you? Am I bothering you?
I hope not.
I don’t know how lonely you are right now, you, the individual, apart from the group.
Just amongst The Most High, you, and me, are you lonely?
You don’t need to answer me. He knows the answer. And maybe you do, too.
Were you wanted?
I’m not talking about the “wanted poster” kind of wanted. Maybe you had a wanted poster with your face and your physical description on it. Maybe someone was trying to bring you into custody.
I am talking about the “good” kind of wanted. The kind of wanted that expresses real love, validation, care, esteem, and safety.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
Jeremiah 31:3
My guess?
Probably not.
Really, not too many of us don’t get that.
And we deserve that. We need that.
You deserve and need that.
Are you in The SHU? Solitary confinement?
A place “cut off” from everything? Everyone? A place cut off from hope and understanding?
Were you placed there?
And now, because of too many messages from too many people and voices, do you place yourself there?
“It is not good that man should be alone...”
Genesis 2:18
Beyond a smoking hot, “Brickhouse” of an Eve, showing up for her Adam, like the originals of Genesis, this speaks to isolation.
We don’t do so well, with it.
Are you doing well with your isolation/loneliness?
Neither am I.
Maybe, some of that loneliness- that isolation- contributed to my cancer diagnosis.
I don’t know. He does.
You, reading this letter right now: please know that I am here. Yeah, I’m far away, geographically, but I am close, here, “in the Spirit.”
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
Matthew 18:20
He’s a much a much bigger and better Presence than me, doing this typing.
But, for sheer, “hot mess of a human being,” here I am for you.
Lonely one to lonely one.
He is setting you, Fellow Lonely One, within these words you are reading, as within a family.
I don’t know what your family situation is/was like.
None whatsoever?
Disowned?
Abusive?
No Contact?
Hurtful if/when they DO see you?
But I’m here. Your Sister? Want one?
I will be surrogate family, The Most High Willing.
I’m not doing it from a “Holier Than Thou” place.
I’m waaaay far away from that Holy kind of designation.
I’m heartbeat close, however, to lonely.
My life, so often trained me too well for that.
Abuse and neglect trained me.
Betrayal of so many trust situations going South trained me.
Feeling forsaken all the time trained me.
“I will never leave you or forsake you.”
(See Deuteronomy 31:6; Deuteronomy 31:8; Joshua 1:5)
Maybe you got similar training, huh?
Yep. Solitary.
“It just sucks,” thus sayeth Sheryle.
He’s there with you right now. I hope you can feel Him.
Sometimes, yeah, it’s more difficult to “feel” that He is real.
But He loves you.
He loves me.
Some evidence of that?
Well, you are reading my hot mess words about being lonely, aren’t you now?
“He sets the solitary in families.”
“The Most High places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy…”
Psalm 68:6
“Ma Familia.”
Maybe you think that this is just a dumb letter. If you are still reading, thanks.
If you lost interest, well, I still am talking to you, nevertheless.
I have a big yapper.
No matter what, I love you.
You have infiltrated my heart, I guess, because He loves you so much. And, pssst, you are loveable.
“The Big He.”
So, “This lonely version of me” is writing to you, the individual.
You are an individual, uniquely designed.
You are set apart from the crowd, even if you only feel less- than and lost in the group, and even more isolated, misunderstood, and afraid.
Tell Him. Talk to Him, like I’m trying to talk to you now.
You don’t need “Thee’s And Thou’s.”
Just be real.
“Hey, I’m lonely. Please help me. Please help me know You better. Please help me. Amen.”
That’s a prayer. Just real talk.
He’ll set ya up in a great way.
He set this thing up, with the likes of me. Talking to you helps me. Please believe that.
I won’t judge. I had plenty of mullet perms as a teenager. I am in no place to judge.
But seriously, you went through a lot in your life.
And I love you.
This girl, from, who knows where, who doesn’t know fully your life story, loves you.
But more than that, how much better is it that He, Who does know your life story, loves you with a love that wants you to never feel alone?
Because He is right there with you now.
He won’t leave you.
And, as stubborn as I am, for as long, and as much as He will let me have the honor of communicating with you, I won’t leave you, either.
I can be good at being annoying. It’s a skill.
Anyway, please take care of yourself. You are worth it. You are.
I love you. I am praying for you.
He is too. Right now.
“Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at The Most High’s right hand, pleading for us.”
Romans 8:34
“Therefore he is able, once and forever, to save those who come to The Most High through him. He lives forever to intercede with The Most High on their behalf.”
Hebrews 7:25
Love ya, Love ya, Love ya, Fellow Lonely One,
Your Sister,
In Him,
Sheryle
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
“Get On With It?”
“Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure,’”
Isaiah 46:10
“Monty Python and The Holy Grail” is a ridiculous and accurate assessment of humanity and its silliness.
Besides the “special effects” of knocking coconuts together, to create the galloping of horse hooves, as none of the actors used horses, filming their Knights of the Roundtable, throughout the storytelling, there was a running bit. People’s patience was wearing thin…
Droning on and on.
Also known as “needing patience.”
Groan.
I’m sorry, I forgot, I am not supposed to do that, am I?
“Therefore, as The Most High’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Colossians 3:12
But groan I do, and come on, you do too, don’t you?
If they, indeed, say, “patience is a virtue,” then, yes, I feel like an utmost scoundrel.
Patience.
“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
Romans 8:25
Just the word causes sighs of frustration, doesn’t it?
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9
I cannot tell you how many times I have groaned and, yeah, eye-rolled, at this scripture. It feels so often, to me, like only cold comfort.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t become weary in doing good things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, “at the right time” it’ll happen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It will happen- our reward- if we don’t give up.
We typically don’t start out cynical and jaded about patience, do we?
Patience, In the Beginning.
“In the morning, Elohim, You hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before You
and wait expectantly.”
Psalm 5:3
In the Beginning?
Yes, usually, at the beginning of anything, including love, relationships, marriage, a career, a project, as yes, our very faith experiences, we are Gung Ho. We are excited. We are lit up.
As a writer, I encounter this, most vividly, as I start a new piece of writing.
Especially during the “brainstorming phase.”
It is all lit with excitement, possibility, and wonder.
Full steam ahead.
Here is often where we believe something will be a “quick work.”
My first book, “Thin Enough,” really felt like that.
It started from a spiritual rededication experience in 1995. I felt like, from start to finish, it was going to take about two weeks, tops.
Eh, you know where this is going right?
Check the publication date on the inside of the book: 2006.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9
Patience, in the Middle.
Yep. It took longer than two weeks. I was not expecting that.
We usually don’t expect something to take “longer.”
We like our instant gratification, our instant results.
Therefore, at the three-an-a-half week mark, I was here:
I exaggerate a bit. I admit it. But the concept remained. Especially as the year continued to roll out.
1995.
Okay. Well, surely this year, right?
Okaaaay.
1996. 1997. 1997. 1998. 1999. 2000.
Oh come on! The Millenium?
2001. 2002. 2003. 2004.
Some more well-doing. Some more well-doing, said with sarcasm and sighing.
2005. 2006.
Patience, in The End.
And then… “Ta-dah!”
Only, it felt like a tired “Ta-dah,” as wonderful as its publication realization was.
For we know, in our human hearts…
“A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul…”
Proverbs 13:19
Longing. Fulfillment. Needs met to our souls: our mind, our will, and our emotions.
He knows all of that, what that looks like.
And, as much as we long for whatever we focus on, how much more does He!
“Yet Elohim longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For Elohim is a YAH of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!”
Isaiah 30:18
Again, there’s more patience.
More waiting.
I know.
Again, it can feel like cold comfort.
Waiting/patience can feel excruciating.
How Much More?
Again, here’s a thought to consider, again, that of “How Much More?”
If it is excruciating for us, “how much more” is it for Him?
“Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to Elohim your YAH,
for He is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and He relents from sending calamity.”
Joel 2:13
He loves us beyond our human comprehension. The best evidence of that?
Our Savior.
“How Much More?”
Indeed. He DID get on with it. Yahshua.
“But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Yahshua Ha-Mashiach might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life.”
1 Timothy 1:16
Let’s circle back toIsaiah 46:10…
“Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure.’”
Time. Timing.
It’s determined.
Patience is in the center of it.
You and I are, indeed, “getting on with it.”
It’s a pep talk for me, as much as it is for you.
Let’s pray.
ABBA-
We come to You, in Ther Name of Our Savior, Your Son, Yahshua.
We need help with this patience thing.
We are tired of waiting.
We want results now.
We know that You know that about us.
Forgive us.
You know our hearts: anxious, impatient, immature, selfish, and yeah, sometimes, even wicked.
You know us, heart motives and all.
You know how we struggle with being patient.
Help us with all this waiting.
Help us to stay focused on You.
It sounds lofty. But You know that we need this help, even if we don’t mean it from our hearts when we say it.
Help us anyway.
We want to “get on with it.”
Help us, encourage us, soothe us, teach us, as You do just that.
Thank You.
We wait and receive Your Help now.
In Yahshua’s Name we pray.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
Take Good Care (Cancerventures)
Take Good Care (Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
…I bargained and prayed…
Again, no, not now. I’ve lost enough already. Don’t take her too.
Devastation.
How do I say goodbye? How?
It’s Not Just the Diagnosed Who Could Be Dying:
It’s cruel. Just because we get a cancer diagnosis, does not mean we are exempt from anyone else getting sick and dying. It’s especially painful if we have a beloved pet who has gotten us through the hard stuff of surgery, chemo, radiation. We should not have to face losing our treasured animals when we’ve already had to lose so much already.
But, as we all know, life is not fair. And, unfortunately, the medical care of our animals is expensive. We cannot just throw unlimited amounts of money at attempts to keep our pets alive, even as we desperately declare that we’d do anything to save them. Reality has its limits.
Please don’t blame yourself for “not being able to do enough.” This goes beyond your will; it speaks to capacity. And sometimes, we just don’t have it.
MN Pets:
So, with no signs of improvement, I called a local in-home euthanasia service, MN Pets. As I started the phone conversation, I broke down mid-sentence as I requested information. A comforting voice from Margie*, uttered things like, “I’m sorry;” “this is so difficult;” and “it sounds like you’re doing everything you can.”
Through sobs, I asked for definite signs to know “when it’s time.” And Margie informed me of the Journey Assessment, authored by Dr. Katie Hilst, DVM.
https://journeyspet.com
Used with permission.
This assessment rates mobility, pain, respiration, hygiene, eating and drinking and the social ability issues of your pet.
I also asked about any benevolence funds, disclosing my cancer diagnosis.
Margie informed me of their Buddy Fund. She’d speak to her supervisor, explaining my situation. I could expect a callback.
Ten minutes later, the phone rang. We did qualify. MN Pets would cover most of the expense- for both the in-home euthanasia and her ashes. We’d just need to pay seventy-five dollars.
Since euthanasia alone can go well into the hundreds of dollars, this was a much-needed help.
I didn’t arrange things then and there. I needed to check out the Journey assessment.
We were still waiting- and hoping- Gracie would get better. I told Margie we’d be in touch. And, as we ended the call, she uttered, “Take good care.”
Saying Goodbye:
In-home euthanasia is a growing business. Its focus is on the more personal atmosphere of one’s own home as compared to the jarring veterinary clinic.
We’ve had to say goodbye to our pets in the clinic setting before. Everyone was compassionate and professional, but it still didn’t eradicate the trauma of the car ride to the vet, the unfamiliar surroundings, and the sounds and smells of other animals.
Mention your full cancer situation to others, including your vet clinic or an organization like MN Pets. Drop the “C- word;” drop it! Had I not done so, asking about the Buddy Fund, we’d never qualify for it. There are resources available to the diagnosed. Even concerning pet euthanasia.
You need special help and care in your cancer situation. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to
ask for it…
Pass Away
“Pass Away”
I thought she was sleeping peacefully. She seemed calm. Then, writhing, contorting violently. Wild, panicky eyes, fully dilated. Seizing.
And then nothing.
She was gone.
Hello, Gentlemen.
It’s me. Sheryle.
I want to talk to you a little bit about regret, death, and eyes.
I am grieving now.
And it’s maybe even, to some of you, a silly kind of grief.
I recently lost my sixteen-year-old cat, Glory.
Yes, I am a “cat lady.”
I’m not one of those animal hoarders, with overflowing litter boxes in every room, and the stench to match it.
I had one cat, the surviving sibling of my sweet, late “radiation buddy,” Gracie.
Gracie passed away, almost eight years ago, after I completed my cancer treatment.
“Passed away.”
Glory was my last connection, not just to Gracie, or to even cancer.
She was also my last connection to my mother, who died in late 2024.
Glory’s arrival as an adopted kitten happened shortly before my mother had a debilitating stroke that placed her in a care facility. I attempted to be her adult daughter caregiver for the next ten years.
I felt that I failed.
Regret.
There were so many things wrong between us: abuse, financial stress, and the 2017 breast cancer diagnosis that altered the decisions I made concerning her.
I needed to leave her. Life or death decision, as my health was in danger.
My health may still be in danger. (More on that later).
Glory died at home. And her last few moments were violent and painful to watch.
Eyes.
Her eyes were fully dilated, black circles of lifelessness.
My eyes were just containers of tears. Memories. Things that I cannot un-see and un-know.
Pain. Death. Regret. Trauma.
I know that you Gentlemen are well-acquainted with all these issues.
I do not wish to trivialize any of what you have gone through by mentioning my cat.
Glory, however, caused things to rupture as the newer traumas of her painful passing, stacked on top of previous traumas of too much sorrow, abuse, regret, fear, and death.
How many of you are touched by those things?
How many of you have “seen too much?”
Eyes.
How many of you “know too much?”
Regret.
How many of you have “lost too much?”
Death.
All three may even be intertwined, the reason you are “in here.”
Maybe your eyes saw something or someone that got out of control, all too quickly. Maybe you saw someone die in front of you. Maybe you caused their death. Maybe the last thing they locked eyes on before they “passed” was you.
Was it a look of horror?
Hatred?
Fear?
Sorrow?
Was it even a look of love or pity?
What did you see that you cannot un-see now? What is that haunting image, at night, when you try to sleep?
Do you wish that you could stop seeing?
Do you wish that you could stop existing?
I have recently had numerous thoughts like these, yes, even the “death thoughts.”
Because of what I saw… and because of what I did not see.
For, as much as I had to helplessly watch Glory die, with her pain-stricken, eyes, desperate for my relief, looking at me, I did not see how my mother died.
And maybe, this is where you and I may be a bit alike?
I “left” Mom six years ago, choosing to focus on my cancer survivorship instead of trying to care for her abusive nature. I love her. I still love her.
It was “no-win.”
You recognize “no-win,” don’t you?
“Do or die?”
A moment that you need to make a choice. And it’s not a great choice. But you need to make it.
And you hope you don’t “Regret it.”
Many of you are here listening to me now, talking about my dead cat and my assorted pain because you made a choice.
I was not there when my mother died. I do not know how she died. I found out she died “after the fact.”
There are probably some of you out there who were “in here” when someone you knew, loved, or, yes, even hated… died.
Maybe you tried to reach them. Maybe you desperately tried to attend their funeral. Say “goodbye,” “I love you,” “I’m sorry.”
Maybe you could not get to them.
And now.
You see.
Eyes.
Maybe you have a teardrop tattoo on your face.
Maybe you simply have their face in front of you that never goes away.
Death.
You probably have regrets.
“Pass away.”
What has now “passed away” for you?
Hope? Life? Love? Future? Another chance? Purpose?
If all these things look to be “passing away,” dead, or, at the very least, dying a painful death, please know that you are not alone in those thoughts.
I’m there with you. Me. The “cat lady,” crying about her dead cat.
But it’s more than that.
I’m crying… about my life.
Can you relate? Can you humor me, and give me grace for that?
Would you, please, give me grace for that?
Believe it or not, I am in pain.
I don’t want to annoy or insult you with my pain. I know that you have your own.
Let’s mourn…together?
“He comforts all who mourn.”
Matthew 5:4
And let’s remind each other that He is here.
NOW.
No matter what passes away.
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.
Matthew 24:35
It’s hard to feel that when grief, death, and loss are too real and fresh. It seems that is ALL there is to our lives. Just that.
That is all we see.
Eyes.
But it is not.
“And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:4
I have been crying every single day lately.
So much regret. So much to have tears about.
I may not “feel” it right now, but I “know” that He has the final say when it comes to our eyes, what we see.
We see so much death, pain, and loss about ourselves, don’t we? We don’t see ourselves the way that He does.
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:14
“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
Our Savior, Our Messiah, was famous for repeatedly saying, “It is written.”
Not “It is visible.”
That’s the “faith stuff” that boggles our minds:
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
Eyes.
Even despite Regret… and Death.
And that leads me to now. You may or may not know anything about my cancer backstory. I am still alive, yes, I am.
He has been keeping me alive… for some reason. Part of it, I think, is you.
I may be dealing with recurrence. I’m trying to deal with “symptoms.”
I am sad and distressed more times than is flattering or inspiring to hear.
I wonder, if soon, I will “pass away.” My times are in His Hands.
He knows my life. And why it was what it was.
And He knows your life and your purpose too.
You are not pointless. There is a wonderful reason for you. He created you and has kept you alive intentionally.
No mistake, fluke, or accident.
You are supposed to be here, yes, listening to my long letter about my dead cat, my cancer situation, my mother, my pain, and my regrets.
My apologies, if I have bored you or annoyed you.
I love you. I have no idea if you believe that or not, or if you think it’s all a crock.
But I love you.
And talking to you, in this way, believe it or not, helps me to heal. Thank you for that. It means a lot to me.
You are an instrument of His healing. Do you know that?
Do you see that?
Eyes.
I do.
And I know that “It is written.”
“But as it is written: ‘Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which The Most High has prepared for those who love Him.’”
1 Corinthians 2:9
You Gentlemen are such gifts to me.
I did not see, or hear, or know that you would be. Until now.
But you are. Gifts.
The Father gives some wonderful gifts.
Sometimes, they are called, “Gentlemen.”
I love you so much. Be blessed, each one of you.
Please pray for me. I’m praying for you.
Thank you for listening.
Love,
Your Sister,
In Him,
Sheryle
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
