Pass Away

“Pass Away”

I thought she was sleeping peacefully. She seemed calm. Then, writhing, contorting violently. Wild, panicky eyes, fully dilated. Seizing.

And then nothing.

She was gone.

Hello, Gentlemen.

It’s me. Sheryle.

I want to talk to you a little bit about regret, death, and eyes.

I am grieving now.

And it’s maybe even, to some of you, a silly kind of grief.

I recently lost my sixteen-year-old cat, Glory.

Yes, I am a “cat lady.”

I’m not one of those animal hoarders, with overflowing litter boxes in every room, and the stench to match it.

I had one cat, the surviving sibling of my sweet, late “radiation buddy,” Gracie.

Gracie passed away, almost eight years ago, after I completed my cancer treatment.

“Passed away.”

Glory was my last connection, not just to Gracie, or to even cancer.

She was also my last connection to my mother, who died in late 2024.

Glory’s arrival as an adopted kitten happened shortly before my mother had a debilitating stroke that placed her in a care facility. I attempted to be her adult daughter caregiver for the next ten years.

I felt that I failed.

Regret.

There were so many things wrong between us: abuse, financial stress, and the 2017 breast cancer diagnosis that altered the decisions I made concerning her.

I needed to leave her. Life or death decision, as my health was in danger.

My health may still be in danger. (More on that later).

Glory died at home. And her last few moments were violent and painful to watch.

Eyes.

Her eyes were fully dilated, black circles of lifelessness.

My eyes were just containers of tears. Memories. Things that I cannot un-see and un-know.

Pain. Death. Regret. Trauma.

I know that you Gentlemen are well-acquainted with all these issues.

I do not wish to trivialize any of what you have gone through by mentioning my cat.

Glory, however, caused things to rupture as the newer traumas of her painful passing, stacked on top of previous traumas of too much sorrow, abuse, regret, fear, and death.

How many of you are touched by those things?

How many of you have “seen too much?”

Eyes.

How many of you “know too much?”

Regret.

How many of you have “lost too much?”

Death.

All three may even be intertwined, the reason you are “in here.”

Maybe your eyes saw something or someone that got out of control, all too quickly. Maybe you saw someone die in front of you. Maybe you caused their death. Maybe the last thing they locked eyes on before they “passed” was you.

Was it a look of horror?

Hatred?

Fear?

Sorrow?

Was it even a look of love or pity?

What did you see that you cannot un-see now? What is that haunting image, at night, when you try to sleep?

Do you wish that you could stop seeing?

Do you wish that you could stop existing?

I have recently had numerous thoughts like these, yes, even the “death thoughts.”

Because of what I saw… and because of what I did not see.

For, as much as I had to helplessly watch Glory die, with her pain-stricken, eyes, desperate for my relief, looking at me, I did not see how my mother died.

And maybe, this is where you and I may be a bit alike?

I “left” Mom six years ago, choosing to focus on my cancer survivorship instead of trying to care for her abusive nature. I love her. I still love her.

It was “no-win.”

You recognize “no-win,” don’t you?

“Do or die?”

A moment that you need to make a choice. And it’s not a great choice. But you need to make it.

And you hope you don’t “Regret it.”

Many of you are here listening to me now, talking about my dead cat and my assorted pain because you made a choice.

I was not there when my mother died. I do not know how she died. I found out she died “after the fact.”

There are probably some of you out there who were “in here” when someone you knew, loved, or, yes, even hated… died.

Maybe you tried to reach them. Maybe you desperately tried to attend their funeral. Say “goodbye,” “I love you,” “I’m sorry.”

Maybe you could not get to them.

And now.

You see.

Eyes.

Maybe you have a teardrop tattoo on your face.

Maybe you simply have their face in front of you that never goes away.

Death.

You probably have regrets.

“Pass away.”

What has now “passed away” for you?

Hope? Life? Love? Future? Another chance? Purpose?

If all these things look to be “passing away,” dead, or, at the very least, dying a painful death, please know that you are not alone in those thoughts.

I’m there with you. Me. The “cat lady,” crying about her dead cat.

But it’s more than that.

I’m crying… about my life.

Can you relate? Can you humor me, and give me grace for that?

Would you, please, give me grace for that?

Believe it or not, I am in pain.

I don’t want to annoy or insult you with my pain. I know that you have your own.

Let’s mourn…together?

“He comforts all who mourn.”

Matthew 5:4

And let’s remind each other that He is here.

NOW.

No matter what passes away.

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.

Matthew 24:35

It’s hard to feel that when grief, death, and loss are too real and fresh. It seems that is ALL there is to our lives. Just that.

That is all we see.

Eyes.

But it is not.

“And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

I have been crying every single day lately.

So much regret. So much to have tears about.

I may not “feel” it right now, but I “know” that He has the final say when it comes to our eyes, what we see.

We see so much death, pain, and loss about ourselves, don’t we? We don’t see ourselves the way that He does.

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”

Psalm 139:14

“I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

Our Savior, Our Messiah, was famous for repeatedly saying, “It is written.”

Not “It is visible.”

That’s the “faith stuff” that boggles our minds:

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

Eyes.

Even despite Regret… and Death.

And that leads me to now. You may or may not know anything about my cancer backstory. I am still alive, yes, I am.

He has been keeping me alive… for some reason. Part of it, I think, is you.

I may be dealing with recurrence. I’m trying to deal with “symptoms.”

I am sad and distressed more times than is flattering or inspiring to hear.

I wonder, if soon, I will “pass away.” My times are in His Hands.

He knows my life. And why it was what it was.

And He knows your life and your purpose too.

You are not pointless. There is a wonderful reason for you. He created you and has kept you alive intentionally.

No mistake, fluke, or accident.

You are supposed to be here, yes, listening to my long letter about my dead cat, my cancer situation, my mother, my pain, and my regrets.

My apologies, if I have bored you or annoyed you.

I love you. I have no idea if you believe that or not, or if you think it’s all a crock.

But I love you.

And talking to you, in this way, believe it or not, helps me to heal. Thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

You are an instrument of His healing. Do you know that?

Do you see that?

Eyes.

I do.

And I know that “It is written.”

“But as it is written: ‘Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which The Most High has prepared for those who love Him.’”

1 Corinthians 2:9

You Gentlemen are such gifts to me.

I did not see, or hear, or know that you would be. Until now.

But you are. Gifts.

The Father gives some wonderful gifts.                                 

Sometimes, they are called, “Gentlemen.”

I love you so much. Be blessed, each one of you.

Please pray for me. I’m praying for you.

Thank you for listening.

Love,

Your Sister,

In Him,

Sheryle

Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse