Ameliorate Versus Alleviate

“‘For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds… Because they called you an outcast saying: ‘This is Zion; No one seeks her.’”

Jeremiah 30:17

For those of us struggling with trauma, dysfunction, addiction, and abuse, there are two “A-words” we should become more acquainted with: Ameliorate and Alleviate.

Whether we know it, they often become our coping strategies.

So, let’s take a closer look at these two words, and see how they play out in our lives.

First…

Ameliorate.

Its definition? “Make the best of.”

How many of us, in any environment or situation that is unhealthy, unsafe, dysfunctional, and chaotic, are left to, somehow, “make the best of it?”

We tolerate and endure things we should not have to put up with, all because we “have to.”

We are in an abusive family or relationship. Therefore, we enact our trauma responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, to survive the situation. We disassociate when we are abused. We retreat to our rich imaginative inner world of fantasies and characters, creating the perfect safe world, somehow, for ourselves.

We lie, hide, steal, and, run away from, and cover for the horrific behavior of someone who has power over us.

This is our attempt to meet needs, stay safe, and control what, otherwise, would be uncontrollable violence or neglect.

Many of us have had to “grow up” way too soon as children, being “parentified,” taking on responsibilities that are too much for us.

We may raise our younger siblings, pay bills, and drive a car before we are even ten years old. We keep life going.

It's a heavy toll doing so.

But we take all of this on, enduring this abuse, dysfunction, and mistreatment, because others’ lives depend on us to do so.

We imagine that if we chose not to do this, a far worse fate would occur. Lives would be lost. Families would be split up. Someone else would be abused even more horrifically than us if we didn’t “take the hit.”

The living beings we love and hold dear would be at-risk in some way.

This is burdensome for even the most healthy, capable, mature, and seasoned adult. But often, we are not operating in that realm. We are too young, or too vulnerable, or too compromised to be in the ideal place to make the best and wisest choices.

So, in this place of deficit, we simply try to do the best we can, operating within that deficit.

Not surprisingly, under the pressure and the weight to carry this out, many of us turn to the second “A-word:” Alleviate.

Alleviate, can be defined by “lessening the pain and getting relief from.”

Now we medicate. We self-medicate.

Addictions and compulsions.

We turn to anything and anyone, seemingly, trying for relief.

That’s primarily what it’s about: relief.

We want to feel better. There is too much pain going on for us: physical, mental, and emotional pain. We want a break from that way of being.

Therefore, we may deaden the pain with things like…

… a nightly bottle- or two- or five- of wine.

… smoking multiple packs of cigarettes a day… and/or a several joints…

… bingeing on a cheesecake and ice cream…and on whatever junk food we can get our hands on…

… an online spending spree, creating hundreds or thousands of dollars of credit card debt…

… seeking out unhealthy interactions and relationships with toxic people, often engaging in risky behavior, for the burst of Dopamine…

The common denominator is that we are trying to escape pain and our reality.

Relief is synonymous with escape. Numbing out.

We believe that we can alleviate what is going on.

But the reality?

We don’t.

In fact, because of our choice of “coping mechanisms,” now our problems are often compounded. Addiction, debt, destroyed relationships, and wrecked health are some of those ways things are worsened by our attempts to “alleviate” issues in our lives.

Ameliorate or Alleviate.

The two may share some commonalities when it comes to dealing with our personal pain and related issues. We do not want to deal with them.

So, we believe in and seek another answer. We will deny and medicate. There are numerous ways we can go about pursuing both.

And there are many different, often negative, outcomes of these coping strategies, no matter which one we choose: ameliorate or alleviate.

Which are we doing?

For most of us, it is usually a combination of both, isn’t it?

Ameliorate and alleviate.

We try. We cope, using less than healthy methods. We numb ourselves, and we try to give ourselves the miracle panacea.

But it just doesn’t work, despite our best efforts.

There’s a famous recovery quote:

“The only way out is through.”

Another “A-Word...”

Acceptance.

It’s neither a simple word, nor a simple answer. Yet it IS a necessary one, nonetheless.

Acceptance of THE TRUTH of our coping realities. We are now addicted and affected. We often have the negative outcomes to show for it.

But, more than this, it is about acceptance of ourselves.

We need to look at the totality of ourselves, warts, flaws, and all.

That involves focusing on an honest assessment of ourselves, along with self-love and self-respect.

It’s not an easy undertaking.

But to look at ourselves with brutal honesty without the accompanying love, compassion, and acceptance for us, is to only further punish ourselves indefinitely.

And that personal flogging and berating punishment WILL NOT work.

It will, instead, send us further into the destructive and unhealthy behaviors and choices.

Accepting that we DESERVE those things.

We don’t.

We need to accept something ELSE… Someone ELSE…

“‘Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.’…”

Jeremiah 3:22

And we need to decide to return.

“…‘Indeed we do come to You, For You are (Elohim) the LORD our (Most High) God.”

Jeremiah 3:22

But if we choose not to challenge and change our faulty assertions, assertions that are largely driven by mistaken thoughts like “I am not loveable” and “I am not worthy,” we are further harming ourselves.

We certainly are not helping ourselves.

Despite circumstances, choices, and addictions, we are still worth love and dignity. We deserve to not be mistreated and rejected.

Acceptance, the healthier version of it, at least, must contain truthful honesty of what these situations are.

No sugarcoating, no minimizing. No hiding. No lying.

Yes, human beings cope.

Facing the complete truth of that coping, and how it shows up for us, can help us to create healthy and better lives for ourselves.

We can learn to cope differently. We can turn to Him.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Cancer: One Thing Begets Another (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)

…One Thing Begets Another Thing.

Cancer.

There was also the presence of this affliction.

“…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.”

Exodus 34:7

One of my dad’s sisters died of Leukemia at twenty-five years old.

One sister died of lung cancer, due to probably being a lifelong smoker.

One sister was diagnosed with, I believe, both breast and ovarian cancer.

“The LORD (Elohim) will strike you with the boils of Egypt, with tumors...”

Deuteronomy 28:27

Did any or all of those sisters have the BRCA gene, one predominantly associated with breast and ovarian cancer?

Could that be explained because of any Ashkenazi Jewish heritage?

As much as we may know now about genes and disease, there was not that critical information piece back then in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, etcetera.

And what if the “family secret” was covered up?

“… but they could not identify their father’s house nor their lineage, whether they were of Israel.”

Nehemiah 7:61

Could anyone have any clue about increased risks for certain diseases?

Family history.

Obscuring DNA.

Obscuring life, health, and happiness.

One Thing Begets Another Thing.

“It is the glory of (YAH) God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”

Proverbs 25:2

Curse clues to my dad’s side of the family?

Was the blood speaking, foreshadowing what was occurring with me?

Was I the inheritor of curses, because of spiritual disobedience?

“Like a flitting sparrow, like a flying swallow, So a curse without cause shall not alight.”

Proverbs 26:2

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

The Three Ghosts

Charles Dickens must be represented this holiday season in the timeless “A Christmas Carol.” Numerous adaptations have been created on film and television over the years. We usually see at least one version at some point during this season.

One of the biggest elements of the story is the interplay between the miser, Ebenezer Scrooge and the three ghosts, setting up an “intervention,” for lack of a better term, with him, concerning his life choices and mistakes.

Yes, these three ghosts, representing Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future, all challenge Scrooge (and us) to examine the state of our unique, individual hearts in our daily lives. Each one of us is ultimately called to be mindful of the past, present and future, not to be overwhelmed and oppressed by any of it, but rather, to become better, more loving, more fully ourselves through revelation of our daily choices and priorities.

Yes, it’s quite a challenge. Most of us fear it and run away from it, in some way, at some point. Regrets, painful mistakes, loss and personal imperfection may make us feel that we’re only haunted and doomed to fail. It’s especially amplified and lonely this time of year, when self-reflection seems to be the name of the game.

So, which ghost is haunting you the most these days: Past, Present, or Future? Do you feel doom and gloom when you look at any one of them- or all three of them- in the context of your life?

It’s not hopeless for you. Wherever you are- in life, in issues, in pain, in recovery- The Almighty is a Spirit hovering over you right now. We need to go to Him, then, with our Truth regarding our past, our present and our future.

“(The Most High) God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship [Him] in spirit and in truth.”

John 4:24

Like Scrooge, we need to say “yes” to what The Most High’s Spirit has to teach and lead each of us. He knows all about us, about our current situation, every bit of our past, present and future circumstances:

“Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.”

Psalm 139: 7-10

We all live imperfect lives, filled with imperfect choices. The Most High knows this and loves us the entire time. Look at this season, not as a time to be condemned, but rather, like Scrooge, let this be a time of renewal, hope and reconciliation. The past, present and future, in His Hands, can be used, indeed, to bless and prosper you.

“For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

When it comes to your “three ghosts,” be blessed, not haunted. And yes, like Tiny Tim is famous for saying,

“(The Most High) God bless us all, everyone!”

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Graciousness and Realistic Expectations?

 

“Let all things be done decently and in order.”

1 Corinthians 14:40

Is it a case of either/or?

Graciousness or Realistic Expectations.

Which one?

Can both exist in an accurate way?

This is a challenge for many of us, especially if we are female.

Often, we get many mixed messages that emphasize image and people pleasing over truth and moral standards.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

 

First, Be Polite (Be Gracious).

Here’s often where things start. Social conditioning.

“Be nice,” as in…

“Sugar and spice and everything nice…”

Yes, there is often a female job description: nice…polite… gracious.

The expectation tied to graciousness usually involves us being accommodating to a fault. We are encouraged to go above and beyond, to accept unacceptable treatment from others, while trying to meet a need.

There is a strong pressure many of us face as we try to be nice, sweet, and polite.

Being those things often are a disservice to us; those things are even harmful to us.

We people-please, often doing things against our will and preferences, while placing our personal well-being and health at risk.

It’s peer pressure. But it doesn’t have an expiration date to it, simply because we have grown past adolescence.

Nevertheless, it is pressure from someone else, who usually doesn’t have our best interest at heart.

What often adds further complication and pressure for us is that these people may be someone we love. A romantic relationship. Family. These are just a couple of examples.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Expectations: Unrealistic?

However, it is here that we find ourselves bumping into the expectation issue.

Yes, we can understand others’ expectations of us. They want to be pleased, obeyed, and prioritized.

Those expectations can strongly influence us, to our detriment.

Furthermore, these expectations don’t accurately depict what is our responsibility. We can believe that we need to take on things that are other peoples’ issues, not ours. Our unrealistic expectations, therefore, can distort what, exactly is graciousness for us… and what is not.

Next, Make Believe (Be Gracious).

This inaccurate definition and pressure of being gracious, in all its dysfunction, can, therefore, set the stage for an additional complicated element to our sense of responsibility…

We can resort to magical thinking.

This can often show up as assertions like, “If I am really kind to them, and do this thing for them, they will return the favor and be kind back to me.”

The Golden Rule.

“Do unto others…”

Expectations: Unrealistic?

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

 

We believe that by “doing unto others,” a/k/a, “being nice/gracious,” we can make things be how we want them to be. We just need to be “nice enough.”

That is the answer.

Sowing and reaping. Karma. Faith in “one good turn deserves another.”

We hold tight to this ideal concept.

And, while it is noble in theory, realistically, it is not honored and implemented nearly as often as it should be.

Some people do not hold this sentiment in the same high esteem as we do. Some people aren’t aware of it. Some people don’t feel any need to behave in a way that exemplifies it.

And depending how strong our sense of optimism and hope may be, we can find ourselves waiting, seemingly, indefinitely, for their reciprocity.

We may be waiting a long time, if not forever, for that to happen.

Still, even presented with this reality, how many of us respond by doubling down on the giving “nice” principle?

“Be nice-er.” (Be More Gracious).

Yep, somehow, we can decide to go still further.

Just keep trying, and trying, and then, trying some more until we’re out of breath and anemic.

There is not a limit on our efforts; we feel the pressure to “do more.”

And it’s a bottomless pit. Because we can always “be nicer,” right?

Expectations: Unrealistic?

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

But everyone has limits.

Financial, physical, legal, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits.

The unrealistic argument that appears to get lodged in our brains, however, is that we can still do more. We can still give more. We can, still “be nicer.”

More “gracious.”

A toxic component to that belief system is that we should be all those things, along with the mandate of our ability to continue with those actions.

And, yes, how many of us are still holding on to the wishful thinking that, surely, if we do more, somehow “they” will appreciate it and respond to us with the same behaviors?

They will pay us back. They will rescue us. They will be our friends with us. They will love us.

Sadly, despite that, again, being a lovely, idealistic theory, its reality can be a gamble, at best.

It may never occur to some peoples’ minds to acknowledge or to repay a kindness or a favor.

Yes, ignorance is a possibility, even while it’s not an appropriate excuse.

If someone loves us, there should be consideration of our needs, situations, and of the shared relationship with have with them.

But some people didn’t get that memo.

And then, there are some people that simply don’t care.

That’s a punch to the gut to entertain that unflattering reality.

Yet it exists, all the same.

Some people are “takers.” And that is all they are. They look for opportunities to take advantage of other people.

Some people, emotionally, mentally, and yes, financially, are not capable of returning the favors and the kindnesses extended to them in good faith.

And some of these people, furthermore, are also unwilling to do so.

More punches to the gut.

Yet, it is here where we are afforded the opportunity to respond in a healthy manner…

Finally, Reality (Be Gracious).

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

 

This is an ongoing lesson for many of us; we are on its spectrum.

But this is the healthier, more accurate assessment of what is really going on.

It requires our involvement, questioning their role… and our role in these circumstances.

What is the reality here?

Not what we would like it to be, hope it will turn into, or try to manipulate into being.

What is it, right now?

Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?

We need to assess the concept of expectations, within the context of graciousness.

It is not for the faint of heart.

However, if we’re brave and willing to look at these things, we can experience a healthier perspective and outcome.

We need to look at the people in our lives.

Who are they?

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Family? Friends? Coworkers? Bosses? Some powerful institution?

The individuals who are in our lives influence proximity’s power, and any potential entitlement they presume and ask of that proximity.

What do they feel they are entitled to?

Our time? Our money? Our help? Our unconditional love?

What has led them to that conclusion?

Here is where we start looking at what kind of person they are.

Are they addicts? Users? Immature? Manipulative individuals?

Are they entitled individuals and abusers of their power?

These are some of the possible explanations to explain who we are dealing with.

But it doesn’t stop here.

Yes, they may show up as these potential things.

But why do they ask us for help or favors?

Are we convenient? Are we always there? Do we struggle with appropriate boundaries? Do we have poor self-esteem? Do we always say, “yes?” Do we feel guilty?

These are some of the questions we need to ask ourselves. And these questions, and their answers, shift the focus from them to us.

Yes, they may believe and act on certain beliefs and behaviors, but we also participate in these things, either passively or actively.

This is not about victim blaming.

Rather, it is about deeply examining the definitions and the requirements of graciousness and expectations.

What are they?

Who believes and practices what, as everyone involved deals with graciousness, and the expectations that come with that definition?

Gracious… Or Fake?

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Does graciousness invalidate authenticity?

Not necessarily.

Graciousness and people pleasing are two different things. This can often be the first radical shift of thinking on our part.

They are not the same thing.

REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

Many of us, however, believe that they are.

Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?

We believe that we cannot be gracious without being people pleasers.

But graciousness is not solely dependent upon pleasing others. Graciousness is more about holding ourselves to a standard of quiet dignity and self-respect.

And yes, that involves compassion.

But many of us also have an inaccurate definition of compassion.

Many of us equate compassion with “doormat.”

That’s not flattering. Nevertheless, we, somehow, believe that we can never “say no.”

“Doormat.”

But we can be compassionate without being the rescuer or “the sucker.”

There’s a term: “idiot compassion.”

Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön coined this term, referring to when a person tries to help a someone who is dysfunctional, and not receptive to making lasting progress or changes. This can be, for instance, an addict who is not interested in getting help for recovery, only in getting help, via enabling of their addiction.

It’s repetitive and exhausting to help someone who is not working towards better choices.

Many of us can get stuck trying to help, trying to rescue, in these instances.

We embody “the doormat.”

We may believe that we’re being compassionate and “gracious,” but it’s not helpful. In fact, it can be harmful, especially to us.

How much time, energy, money, resources, and emotional investment do we pour into them?

We can be gracious, while possessing our boundaries and limits.

That’s part of the ongoing work we need to practice.

Likewise, knowledge of ourselves, our capacity, boundaries and limits included, also needs to be put into practice by us.

Gracious… Or Self-Knowledge?

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Again, it’s not one or the other. Both can coexist at the same time.

We can see that there is a crisis, but is it always our job to tend to that crisis?

We are not the sole emergency person out there.

Some situations are beyond our intervention.

And that’s okay.

Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?

That’s part of self-knowledge. Challenge thoughts and expectations. Not everything hinges on us.

Specialists, including paramedics, doctors, mental health experts, therapists, social workers, and addiction counselors, are all examples of other, more helpful people to turn to.

It’s not about passing the buck or shirking responsibility.

Rather, it is about accurately assessing what is gracious, and how, yes, even our graciousness can be exploited and weaponized against us.

Who else can help them if we cannot? There is someone else, besides us, out there.

Our response, underscoring that belief and behavior, is a response.

And not surprisingly, that response can be challenged by others, who were expecting something else from us.

The Gracious Response.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Here, we are faced with the reality of response.

Take, for example, the neutral response, maybe, complete with a displeasing no to someone’s request.

When we say this, we are calm and polite. When we say this, we also know this person is not happy with us.

Maybe they are even hostile.

They push back against our response. They expected another answer/action out of us.

If we decide, to hold to our response, and display a flat effect, we may respond by saying, “Okay.”

(We may even politely smile. But we don’t cave).

What then happens in this situation? Well, perhaps…

After the polite smile/no combo, they get more agitated and irritated.

Maybe they officially flip out.

It can often be here that they personally attack us, and name-call us. They may try guilt and intimidation, trying to change “no” to “yes.”

It’s a fun time, for sure, isn’t it?

The common theme, however, is how they do not accept our answer. They want what they want and will keep trying unpleasant and abusive tactics to get it from us.

Their opinion, because they aren’t getting what they want from us easily, is that we are NOT being “gracious.”

Furthermore, their opinion of us is that our response is not a realistic nor a healthy response of appropriate boundaries.

Instead, in their minds, we are “unreasonable.”

“Mean.”

“Unloving.”

And any epithet under the sun. Use your cuss word imagination here.

But let’s return to a reality check.

We are being gracious, even though the other person is not getting what they wanted from us.

Graciousness and being realistic, for that matter, have less to do with their response, and more to do with ours.

When we are aware of and respond accordingly, we harness not just our reaction, but our power as well.

People pleasing does not equal graciousness.

And, if we pursue that faulty definition, this people pleasing version of “graciousness” does not equal our worth and value.

Others, still, will make it their mission to convince us otherwise.

Gracious and Realistic.

What can we expect from a situation, with or without other people?

And, more importantly, perhaps, what can we expect from ourselves?

It can often come down to this statement…

“This situation is unhealthy-insane-disordered. Results may vary.”

Can we honestly look at, question, and answer what are those unhealthy-insane-disordered factors?

Can we see that these conditions are not, therefore, the final authority on graciousness and realistic expectations?

The Most High Is.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

More to the point, it is not our responsibility to fulfill these unhealthy, insane, and disordered expectations.

That’s the realistic take we need to embrace.

“Let all things be done decently and in order.”

1 Corinthians 14:40

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Tatted and Burned

Hello, Gentlemen.

It’s me again, Sheryle.

I have received, I believe, another message. The Most High willing, I will pass this onto you.

You and I have something in common, as unlikely as that may be to believe.

So, before we get into it, this is a TMI- “Too Much Information”- warning about me.

Part of what led me to touch base with you again is the holiday season, and how it intersects with my breast cancer diagnosis.

Eight Christmases ago, I was undergoing a course of radiation. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, had a double mastectomy that October, and then, six weeks later, went through a six-week round of radiation.

Yes, double mastectomy, Gentlemen. My tatas are gone. I am officially an ironing board now.

Anyway, to prepare for radiation, I needed to get tattoos.

Not one of those exciting peacock tattoos, draped across my back. Not one of those full-on sleeves, like those the Yakuza gang gets.

Nope.

These tattoos looked like the black beauty mark on Marilyn Monroe’s face. I was tatted with three tiny black dots, in triangle form. This arrangement helped the radiation target my chest area, ensuring the best shot of eradicating any leftover cancer cells.

I had to be marked. I had to “get inked.”

Tatts were necessary. A matter of life and death.

Like your tattoo history has, perhaps, meant matters of life and death for you throughout your life.

Getting these tiny dot tatts summoned the next phase of my preparation/ healing: the burning from radiation.

Six weeks, day after day of getting increasingly burned, again, to wipe out cancer cells.

Because of the timing of my radiation, December, I was very much Rudolph, the Red-Chested Reindeer.

Christmas red. Festive.

Anyway, you may be eye rolling and asking, “What does any of this have to do with me?”

Tatted and burned. You are too.

And He, The Most High, is working in and through all of it.

Scripture puts it this way…

“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.”

Isaiah 49:16

Different translations of this scripture use words like, “engraved,” “etched,” and yeah, even, “tattooed.”

I know that there can be a stigma about tattoos from the Christian world. You have probably been made to feel less-than, disqualified, and maybe even like the scum of the earth, largely because of your appearance.

To that, I offer…

“‘…(Elohim) the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but (Elohim) the LORD looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

And…

“The traditions of man make the Word of The Most High to no effect.”

Mark 7:13

To me, that signifies that Our Savior and Our Father (for they both are “One,” according to John 10:30) have decided to override man’s silly, judgy, and pointless opinions, opting instead, to qualify you, my Tatted/Marked One, for His Power and Glory.

He uses whomever He chooses. He qualifies them without anyone else’s permission.

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless (Elohim) the LORD’s counsel—that will stand.”

Proverbs 19:21

His Plans will stand.

Not any uptight, hypocritical, judgy, or stupid person’s opinions or plans.

HIS Plans!

You are exactly who you are supposed to be. You look like you are supposed to look, tatts included.

“…‘You are My servant. I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”

Isaiah 41:9

Now, about the burning…

Since you are chosen, handpicked, and marked up by His Holy Autoclave, you are prepped for the burning of His refining fire…

“For My Name’s Sake I will defer My anger, And for My Praise I will restrain it from you, So that I do not cut you off. Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My Own Sake, for My Own Sake, I will do it; For how should My name be profaned? And I will not give My glory to another.”

Isaiah 48:9-11

For HIS Name’s Sake? For HIS Praise?

You’re not going to be cut off.

Furnace of affliction (You are BURNED, through your life experiences)! You’re going to be precious metal!

Want some more proof?

“I will bring the one-third through the fire, Will refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My Name, And I will answer them. I will say, ‘This is My people’; And each one will say, ‘(Elohim) The LORD is my God (The Most High).’ ”

Zechariah 13:9

“Each one’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each one’s work.”

1 Corinthians 3:13

Gentlemen, you are officially in your tatted and burned, Divine Purpose process.

Again, His Plans will stand. He has MARKED you.

Go with the marking then, not against it!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you… thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11

So, Gentlemen, This is your moment. You have the tatts, the scars, and the lives on fire, in numerous personal ways.

Get closer to Him then.

You’re already His MARKED ONE, tattoo, or no tattoo.

He told you as well that your walls- your prison walls- are always before Him (Isaiah 49:16).

He sees you.

You cannot get away from Him.

His Glory, through you, is in the works now.

Just get closer to Him.

He loves you. He’s closer than the skin over your bones.

I hope to pipe in, again, The Most High willing, and be the mosquito cheerleader that is part of my personality.

I don’t know if this will be a “thing” The Most High is doing. I hope it is.

He has put you all on my radar screen. I love you.

Blessings to every single one of you! Merry Christmas!

Love,

Sheryle (You can call me Rudolph, in keeping with the holiday spirit)

 Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Gentlemen

Hello, Gentlemen.

You don’t know me. My name is Sheryle.

I have a message for you. I pray that it blesses you.

I call you Gentlemen, because, perhaps, many of you have never been called that before in your life, especially from any female loved one in your life.

The Most High woke me early on last Friday morning, shedding a love for the entire room of you men. It was strange. I have not met or seen any of you. But He strongly impressed upon me that He is calling you to be Gentlemen.

Yeah, you may think this message is strange. Maybe you think I’m crazy.

A little bit about me?

I am familiar with violence.

So, gentleness was foreign to me.

As it may be to you.

Gentlemen?

You may be talking yourself out of that right now. How could you be a gentleman?

Well, let’s tackle a few lies you might be believing.

“I can’t be a gentleman. I have done too many violent things.”

“‘I worked hard and killed men and women who believed as I believe today. I put them in chains and sent them to prison.  The head religious leader and the leaders of the people can tell you this is true. I got letters from them to take to our Jewish brothers in the city of Damascus. I was going there to put the Christians in chains and bring them to Jerusalem where they would be beaten.’”

Acts 22:4-5

You may not think of Paul as a Gentleman.

Okay. Well, how about a transformed man? Transformed by the gentle love of Our Savior?”

“‘Behold, I am the LORD, (The Most High) God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?’”

Jeremiah 32:27

Next lie/argument against being a Gentleman?

“I am not a Gentleman. They are smart. I’m not smart enough.”

“For ‘who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?’ But we have the mind of (Ha-Mashiach) Christ.”

1 Corinthians 2:16

“The Anointed One and His Anointing.”

That’s the kind of mind you have. Gentlemen have that mind. Not dullards.

How about this argument?

“I am not a Gentleman. They’re weak. I don’t want to be weak.”

“And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him, and said to him, ‘The LORD is with you, you Mighty Man of Valor!’”
Judges 6:12

Some definitions of the word, “valor?”

Bravery, courage, guts, and heroism.

Also known as being a “gentleman.”

Care to try any of those on for size?

You have already been through many things in your lives that forced you to have courage…to survive.

Again, we can play a game with words. It’s about unlearning the wrong definitions of who we are. We are who He calls us. Anyone else’s definition collapses under the weight of His decree.

He wants you to unlearn the wrong identity of who you are. He wants you to learn how He sees you.

And that leads me to another argument you may have.

“I can’t be a gentleman. I’m not gentle.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

Our Savior is directly telling us He is gentle (verse 29).

He wants to impart His gentle healing to you right now.

He wants you. He needs you. He sees you. He loves you.

He invites you to follow Him right now.

So, how about it?

Gentlemen, start your engines?

Come to Him.

By now you may think I really am crazy.

I’m a woman who has experienced a lot of traumas. I’m learning how to be healed, from Him.

Right now. Most of it is far from pretty.

But He seems to be loving me, even with the “Chick,” “Broad,” and “Homegirl” aspects to me that are rough and sometimes, ridiculously embarrassing.

Please know, even if we never meet, I am someone who believes that each of you is a worthy gentleman. Because He decided so.

“Glory to (The Most High) God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”

Luke 2:14

That’s you, Gentle Man. His Favor rests on you now.

A different Christmas message maybe.

But one that I believe He wants you all to have.

Be blessed and favored, dear Gentlemen.

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous 2026!

Love,

Your Sister, In Him.

Sheryle

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Incongruities Prayer (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)

ABBA FATHER,

We come to You, in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.

You know we are having difficulty seeing You, the True You.

You know what incongruities and unusual circumstances we have come from.

You know the physical features that have us questioning our lives.

We have been lied to, even by our own family.

There may be something that no one talks about. Yet, we hear shame, secrecy, and pain loudly in our lives.

Help us to detangle and heal from all deceit, especially concerning You.

Our identity, yes, needs healing.

But we need Your Healing To help us See YOU clearly.

Forgive us for not seeking and prioritizing You, “in Spirit and in Truth.”

Help us to start doing that, from this point on.

Thank You.

In Yahshua’s Name, we pray.

Amen.

“Teach me thy way… I will walk in Thy Truth: unite my heart to fear Thy Name.”

Psalm 86:11

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

 

About Jairus’ Daughter (Thin Enough)

The Case For Attunement.

“Here’s looking at you, Kid.”

“Casablanca”

What look is looking back at you and me? And how has that look impacted our lives?

As a child abuse survivor, I know that a look is not just a look. It can signal things beyond love, like hate, rejection, and violence.

And a look can have everything to do with attunement… or the lack thereof.

“(Elohim) The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah 31:3

Attunement… or a world of harsh?

Attunement can be defined as being receptive to or aware of another person. It’s about the present connection, person- to- person. It is recognition and validation.

And it is largely accomplished through facial interaction.

Who is looking at us, and how are they looking at us?

For many of us, this is a distorted reality.

Often, we get these kinds of facial experiences instead.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”

Psalm 32:8

The Missing Face…

Sometimes, attunement is missing in action. The person’s face is just not there.

“Their” face does not connect with us in the much-needed loving, healthy, and meaningful ways.

“Nature abhors a vacuum.”

Aristotle

Because of the abusive dynamic within my own family of origin, as a child, I often drew primitive faces on the wall next to my crib.

Was I reacting to a face vacuum?

Whose face was MIA?

My dad’s? My mom’s?

The answer to those questions is “yes, both.”

But it’s more complicated than that.

My dad was largely the obvious missing face, even while he resided in the home. He didn’t look at me much.

He was MIA while being there.

There are numerous reasons for the absence of someone’s face. Death, divorce, and abandonment can physically remove someone from us.

But things like a parent’s job, abuse, addiction, and dysfunction also play a role in being “missing.” These people are just not there.

The experience of the missing person’s face still haunts us, nonetheless. They can represent a ghost, a legend, a myth, and a villain to us, because of their absence.

But their facial presence is still sorely missed. We can, therefore, spend our lives trying to seek out their absent faces, either by continuing to seek them directly, or substituting them with another “surrogate’s” face.

But it is still devastating to know the original face will not look at us.

It’s not our fault. It’s beyond anything we did or did not do. They didn’t and don’t have the ability and/or the willingness to attune to us. We deserved their attunement.

Nevertheless, we must accept that their face and their attunement in our lives will not happen.

Sometimes, the distorted face we experience is that of the chaotic, unpredictable kind…

“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”

Isaiah 43:4

The Distracted Face…

This is often the byproduct of abuse and dysfunction. It comes through instability and inconsistency.

We can’t count on it. Sometimes, there’s a face; sometimes, there isn’t. Despite our needs.

The message?

“I am not safe; I am not important. No one is paying attention to me in a reliable way.”

Now, if we experience this distracted face as a baby or as a child, we don’t have sophisticated language to understand what’s going on. We often just feel fear, rejection, and high stress.

Studies have been done on mothers and their babies, focusing on the impact of a mother’s facial expression with her child. Mothers, especially, are regarded as our first mirror, reflecting the state of our surroundings.

In these mother/child face studies, a smiling, present face, with locking eye contact, promotes the baby’s relaxed sense of well- being. The baby smiles, mirroring its mother’s smile.

However, when the mother is asked to avoid eye contact and connection, refusing to look at her child, the baby starts showing signs of upset and stress. Often, the baby reaches out and cries, desperately wanting to get the mother to look at them again.

If the mother reconnects and smiles, often, a relaxed smile returns to the baby’s face.

Order has been restored. All is well again.

What cues was I picking up, as my mother was the abused wife of my dad’s?

Through abuse, how were my parents distracted in their facial communication?

Oversimplifying my dad, he was more interested in his job than he was in me.  I don’t think my dad saw spending time with his child as valid and profitable.

He didn’t invest in me.

He provided, financially, and that was about it.

Things were more straightforward regarding my dad’s missing or distracted face. I wasn’t worth it. His face was better spent elsewhere. So, that’s where he went.

At the most, I got his frustrated, disapproving, or angry face.

But, with my mother, there were more confusing layers to her missing and/or distracted face.

 Was it because of post-partum depression that went undiagnosed and NOT dealt with in a caring way?

I believe that, yes, that was part of the answer. There wasn’t much known, nor discussed, at the time. There was little-to-no empathy for the multifaceted challenges that came with that motherhood experience.

And then, you add marital abuse?

Yeah, I was not going to get my mother’s focused, loving, and present face.

Mom’s priority and focus were not about attunement with me. Rather, it was about keeping the peace and keeping my dad’s abuse at bay.

The overarching message here?

“Attention needed to be paid toward averting danger and threat. That was the priority, not attuning to me. “

Emotions were not regulated, nor were they deemed acceptable. Sadness, tears, and any unhappiness were forbidden.

And, certainly, at the top of the forbidden feelings and facial expression list…

Anger.

Therefore, cue more of a repetition of this face…

“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”

John 15:12

The Cruel Face…

Anyone can look angry from time to time.

The cruel face, however, is different. It is more sinister, more threatening, and more intentional.

It is the harmful look of abuse. It glares at us through violent, intimidating, and violating facial expressions, ranging from that of a mocking superior smirk, to that of the malicious face of a predator.

It certainly is not the face of love and kindness.

The obvious cruel face was that of my dad’s. He was an emotionally immature, raging abuser.

His face matched that.

I feared my dad, face and all. But I could count on his cruelty, through his obvious, loud raging sessions.

I couldn’t say the same about my mother’s cruel face.

Mom’s threatening face was covert.

Hidden. Subtle. Sneaky. Camouflaged. More unpredictable.

And passive aggressive.

Hence…

The “Spank Spoon...”

“Love is patient…”

1 Corinthians 13:4

Deferred attunement to a kitchen utensil?

Yes, Sirree Bob. It was about keeping my obedience. Not for my benefit, but for the abusive system’s benefit.

When I was a child, if I was acting in a way that was displeasing to her, I would hear the kitchen drawer slide open, to reveal a large wooden spoon. There was an angry inanimate face drawn on it; it was black marker lightning bolt eyebrows, over black slits for eyes, and a mouth of jagged teeth, threatening to bite me. It was scary. I was terrified.

And that was the point.

After all, most four- or five-year-old children would be frightened. The facial expression was clear. It conveyed “you’re in trouble.”

This “Spank Spoon” was her menacing henchman. “The Enforcer” was there to do her dirty work.

Mom would pull this utensil out of the drawer, with much ominous drama. She’d often have a smirk on her face, as the spoon swayed back and forth in her hand.

“You’d better behave or else.”

Furthermore, the utensil also taught me her necessary message: “you will fear me.”

It’s still cruelty. To those who have a similar mindset to that of my mother’s, there can exist, perhaps, this thought:

“The only face I want my child to see is a scary face. They are easier to control that way.”

It was quite an effective tactic during my formative years. Its cruelty included the more complicated, anxious element that was the threat of a threat.

This threat of the threat, however, was never quite carried out.

It was the confusion about never quite knowing for sure where one stood with consequences and punishment. But the threat was present, all the same.

There’s sadism added to the cruel face.

The smirk. The unsafe facial expression of someone who has power over you, and fully intends on abusing it, for their purposes.

The Cruel Face is the look of DELIGHT in someone’s terror. The priority is not attunement, but the adult’s concept of power, control, and domination.

These things, often, can translate into the dysfunctional adult’s warped sense of self.

And yes, we, as children, can pick up on that with our antennas.

We know that we are not loved, valued, and looked after.

We know that there is something more untrustworthy and unsafe at work.

We know that the person is only interested in being all-powerful, often, at our expense.

We know we are collateral damage, sacrificed to that end.

All these Faces are Distorted Faces.

“We love Him, because He first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

They all are opposed to attunement.

Sweet faces looking at us that signal love was what we should have received.

The sweet face attuning to us is without guile, agenda, harm, or evil. The sweet face loves, nurtures, affirms, and protects.

This is what it should be.

Many of us, however, have not experienced this face.

And how many of us have been manipulated by a false “sweet face?”

I see a bunch of hands in the air.

When it comes to the sweet attunement face, often, confusion and agendas are present.

So, what are we to do with that? Sink into despair?

Well, there is another option.

We become our own mirror.

Mirror, Mirror…How to reapply “The Face…”

“As in water face reflects face, So a man’s heart reveals the man.”

Proverbs 27:19

Mirror work.

This often-used therapy technique involves us positively affirming ourselves by looking into a mirror, and communicating, not only loving words, but the matching loving facial expression.

So, we display a smile, a look of sensitivity, acceptance, gentleness, and compassion.

Now is our chance to lovingly look at ourselves this way.

Can we attune to ourselves?

Can our faces be the antidote to the missing, the distracted, and the cruel faces we have encountered?

It can be scary and awkward. Yet, mirror work can apply to each distorted face we encountered.

Regarding “The Missing Face…”

We need to start with the basics.

Look.

We need to look at ourselves. Show up.

A no-brainer?

Well, how many of us spend the least amount of time we can in front of our own reflection?

How many of us have learned we also need to abandon ourselves?

Since no one else is looking at us, why should we?

We don’t like what we think we see looking back at us. “Something” is usually “wrong” with us.

But that “something” is usually taught to us by “someone else.”

We need to look at ourselves. We need our present face.

We need to see ourselves, no matter who else went missing.

Our Mirror for “The Distracted Face…”

Now that we see our faces, we must not look away again.

We need to linger. Don’t rush.

It’s easier said than done.

It’s a hard and painful act to continue to look at ourselves.

To look at ourselves with love, without harm and abuse, to make that decision and that commitment?

We typically don’t know what’s that like.

Instead, we are used to someone in our lives deeming someone or something else as for important than us.

Sometimes, that person might be there. And sometimes, they prioritize another person or thing, like their job or their addiction.

The devastating, rejecting impact of that distracted message often has us deciding that we are not worth our own focused gaze.

So, it can be hard work to stay put in front of the mirror, looking at and affirming ourselves. We can choose to resist the urge to look away, to become distracted with anything else we tend to see as “more important.”

But we can work to see that our own gaze and self-acceptance is, indeed, of the utmost importance.

It doesn’t come quickly, easily, or regularly.

Like most things in life, it takes practice.

The Cruel Face:

And likewise, kindness also takes practice.

Smile. Show kind eyes and compassion, not judgment.

Many of us have only seen angry, abusive, scowling, and mocking faces. Therefore, we internalize those faces, and they unconsciously become our view of ourselves. We can pick at every “flaw.” This applies to our physical traits, but it goes deeper than that. It involves our personality traits. It becomes a free-for-all attack on the essence of who we are.

And of course, our self-harm goes with us wherever we go. It doesn’t just stay in the mirror.

So how do we look at ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and love?

What if we just can’t mirror kindness towards ourselves?

Again, we are back at “do-it-yourself.”

Yes, this is difficult. But finding a separate kind face elsewhere, to mimic in our own faces, can start the process of our self-acceptance in our mirror work.

What does a sweet face look like?

Can we mimic our version of that face?

I found a loving, kind facial expression in an inanimate kitten figurine.

This figurine had large blue eyes, sitting under tiny, delicate eyebrows (just like real kittens possess, I know). And, likewise, there was also a tiny pink, delicate nose and small mouth, painted in a slight smile.

In my opinion, it was the sweet attunement look.

You may not have a cute kitten figurine like I did. There are, however, numerous examples out there of the sweet, attuned face. We can look up baby animal faces. We can even do an internet search, typing, “Loving faces/loving facial expressions.”

Usually, we discover numerous examples of kind eyes and gentle faces.

Perhaps, we could also put our spin on the dreadful wooden spoon. What if we change it from the “spank spoon” to that of the “Kind spoon?”

Maybe we could paste a photo of a soft smiling face on the wooden spoon.

Whether it is searching for internet images or altering a kitchen utensil, we can access our kind face through mirror work. These examples can be the starting point.

From there, we can practice an approving and loving facial expression at our own reflection.

The goal to strive for is that we become our mirror image. We look at ourselves kindly.

The goal, as ambitious as it sounds, is that we self-attune.

Attunement: We connect with ourselves and to Him.

“(Elohim) The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah 31:3

Other peoples’ faces will come and go. Other faces will disappoint and fail us.

But our faces, even being imperfect and subject to failures, still stay with us lifelong.

How much more The Most High?

“I will mention the lovingkindnesses of (Elohim) the LORD, and the praises of (Elohim) the LORD, according to all that (Elohim) the LORD hath bestowed on us, and the great goodness toward the house of Israel, which He hath bestowed on them according to His mercies, and according to the multitude of His lovingkindnesses.”

Isaiah 63:7

Therefore, our faces need to be attuned to Him.

He is lovingly looking at us right now.

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Zapped! (Book Excerpt from Cancerventures)

“My times are in Your hand...”

Psalm 31:15

Eight years ago, I underwent radiation. This is the start of that tale.

…(Before you undergo radiation, you will need stuff). 

Radiation Get List:  

A large tote bag, as there will be no Sherpa to help you lug your stuff around.  

Any device which streams Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, etcetera, for all your waiting and distraction needs. (“Hubby” bought a Kindle Fire for me and it has been a sanity saver. I’ve watched a lot of bad television, cute animal videos and documentaries on it).  

Aquaphor and Aloe Vera Gel, to keep your skin from bursting into flames.  

Miaderm-especially when your skin starts tightening and cracking. (This product is a  

Godsend).  

Ice packs (again, for when your skin feels like it’s on fire).  

Large soft cotton button- down shirts, because you will have difficulty putting things on and taking them off over your head.  

Large, disposable T-shirts (because the Aquaphor and Aloe Vera goop will make your clothes greasy). Don’t wear anything silk when you’re this slimy!  

Leggings and comfy clothes for radiation- comfort. (If you want to wear ballgowns and tiaras, that’s your business. But soft, lounge attire, verging on pajamas, is what is needed).   

Alright, let’s get irradiated.  

To me, this treatment was the lesser of some of the other evils from which to choose. 

Nope, there weren’t a lot of great options out there.  

Nevertheless, I embarked upon this experience and hoped I wouldn’t regret doing so. 

First radiation business to tackle? Getting precisely measured. Elecktra, a British medical company that manufactures these machines, would do the honors.  

I arrived at the clinic on a November day, and was greeted by Joani,* a petite nurse with light brown hair, soon approaching her maternity leave. She walked me back to the Cancer Care inner sanctum. I was in a dimly lit room with a slab-looking table and a giant machine hovering over it.  

“That’s not what they’ll use for your radiation; this is an MRI. It just mimics the machine, getting the measurements we need.” 

She then informed me, “We’re going to need to make three black dot tattoos, so we can accurately align you for each treatment. Or we can place these clear stickers on you. We just ask you don’t disturb them; they need to stay on. Please don’t scrub when you’re in the shower.” 

Trying not to freak out, I opted to try the stickers because I hated needles.

She briefly left the room so I could disrobe and put on that clinic gown again. Because this was earlier in the morning, I had nice fresh Neosporin stain on my button-down shirt. Terrific. It’s a challenge to be stylish when you ooze on and stain things. 

When she popped back into the room, she carefully placed the stickers in a weird triangle pattern. One was right above my right chest area, about four inches below my collarbone. The other two were just under the bra line, on both my right and left sides. 

“I need to take some pictures, to make things easier to measure.” She grabbed her camera and clicked a headshot of me, against the wall. I then was told to get on the slab, (I’m sorry, that’s just what it reminds me of).  

I told her about my concerns with the right side of my scar. It still looked like things hadn’t fully closed and I had to apply Neosporin and a lone bandage daily to it.  

And then, she slowly peeled my bandage, “Wow, these are great. They come off easily. 

Where’d you get them?” 

“Oh, just at Walgreens, CVS, any place where you get bandages.”

Scintillating conversation. 

From there, she had me raise my arms over my head. I was trying to make mobility progress with my breast surgery exercises and hoped I could endure being in this position. 

Everything was tightly stretched, but I managed. 

I grabbed the bars within my reach. Joani took more photos of me. As she and another tech kept circling me, I’d hear them saying, “Don’t move” and “I’m sorry” as they prodded and contorted my body into their ideal shape. This went on for about ten minutes. Already, I started experiencing a needles and pins sensation in my right arm and hand. 

“Can I shake my hand?” 

(In unison), “No.” 

I tried to loosen my grip on those bars, but it didn’t help. 

It was like Disney’s “Bambi.” You know, the scene with the birds being hunted and they freak out hiding in the brush. One poor bird, who, made the fatal mistake of panicking and flying into the hunters’ range, declared, “I can’t take it anymore!” 

Yeah, I was feeling like that. 

So, everyone in the room spent time and effort positioning and measuring me. I’d hear the occasional camera click. I stared at the waterfall image on the ceiling tile above me. As Joani hovered, attempting to line up my plastic-covered dots, I sensed her frustration.  

Finally, Dr. B. entered the room, telling me, “We’d rather go with the tattoos; the stickers are just not staying on well and they’re not giving us an accurate reading. If you continued to go with them, it’d take much longer every radiation session.” 

“Fine, tattoo me.” 

I was pricked in two spots under my bra line. Joani then tried for the right-sided area, below my collarbone. That whole area was still too sensitive and, after a couple of attempts at the spot, and a couple of my ouch responses, she gave up. The plastic sticker went back on. 

So, freshly tattooed, I stared at the waterfall ceiling tile as they connected the dots. The machine whirred and I glided into the tunnel. I heard clangs, the motor humming, and, in general, unfamiliar noise. I glided out of the tunnel. 

Ta-dah. 

Finally finished, I could get dressed, handing me my bandage to reapply. I was then given my own Elecktra card to scan into the clinic’s system when I arrived each day. It’d let the radiation crew know, yep, I’m a-ready for zapping. 

That’s enough fun for today…”

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

My Radiation Nurse

“That which has been is what will be, That which is done is what will be done, And there is nothing new under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 1:9

With Tonya, the radiation R.N., my first impression was a Snow White/Mary Tyler Moore hybrid. She was a beautiful brunette, possessing a girl next door vibe, complete with swinging shoulder length hair.

Yes, she was exactly the person you want in the health care field: a people person, upbeat, a social butterfly. From day one of meeting her, indeed, I saw her fluttering. She had these wonderful, draped long cardigans that gave her the appearance of gliding down the Cancer Care hallways. She is a glider, I guess.

(On her staff bio, she mentions she has bungee jumped from the world’s highest bungee bridge in South Africa. She probably glided there too).

But mainly, through all of my radiation adventures, she has answered my plethora of questions (I am the Question Queen). She did the occasional skin check, just to ascertain how fire- engine red I was at various points during my thirty sessions. She was all hugs, warm laundry and reassuring, “No, Sheryle, you’re not dying this second.” You cannot imagine how helpful this was to hear that reassurance at this insecure time.

As I burned, itched, and peeled, she was there, soothing voice, telling me how “normal” this was.

And then, there was the matter of my chin. Yes, you heard me correctly.

At the tail end of my radiation, I woke up to a belated Christmas present: a black mark on my chin.

What?

Every weird thing was getting my attention now, post-diagnosis.

What’s next? Five extra toes? A second head?

It appeared to pop up overnight. And no, it was not a mole. Those are dark brown. This sucker was jet black and noticeable even with makeup covering it.

After several unsuccessful attempts at scrubbing my face, I called Tonya. Perhaps, this was some stray radiation spray. I thought I was out of range to be hit though. We were targeting the right side of my chest.

She seemed unconcerned. Meanwhile, I’m wondering if this thing was going to spread further; I still had some radiation sessions to go. I envisioned my mug looking like Mike Tyson’s face tattoo- not a great look for me.

She offered to examine it when I came in later that day. Upon closer inspection, she remarked how she didn’t see it unless and until I pointed it out to her.

Calmly (because the woman is serenity), she mentioned how, once again, your favorite and mine, stress could change the pigment of the skin. So… black spots.

(I have just about had it with the wackadoodle things stress can cause).

She, once again, assured me I was not going to die, nor grow my own organic face tattoo. “In time,” she added, “it will fade.”

And yes, it has, although I still see a faint trace. Souvenir, I suppose.

Tonya has been a constant reassurance to my fussiness. She will insist she’s just “doing her job” here. But come on. After pesky, “the sky is falling” question after question from me, even that old sentiment wears mighty thin. Tonya is that reassurance; she is innate understanding.

And apparently, a great bungee jumper too.

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Cinnamon Roll

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Matthew 18:6

When I was a Girl Scout, one of the activities we engaged in was something called “The Cinnamon Roll.”

In today’s language, I suppose, it could be considered “team building” or “morale boosting.”

My Girl Scout troop would designate one girl to be “the center” of “The Cinamon Roll.”

“She” would stand and clasp hands with another Girl Scout, who would grab another’s hand, on and on, until the entire troop, holding hands, stretched out the length of the room.

Then, the last girl would start “The Cinnamon Roll…” rolling.

She would move in on “the center” girl, and all subsequent scouts, holding hands, would gradually coil themselves around her.

The activity was not “complete” until the entire Girl Scout Troop had engulfed her. She felt the enclosing “hug,” being the center of the human cinnamon roll.

Each time we participated in this activity, there was always so much laughter. Sometimes, squeals.

And “the center,” while slightly squished, felt the warmth and the human contact of the Girl Scouts wrapped around her.

I’ve often thought about “The Cinnamon Roll” as life has rolled on.

I think about it, complicated, often viewing it through the lens of my abuse history.

I have suffered abuse, mostly from childhood. Emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual, and financial abuse have all been a part of my childhood experiences.

And there is yet another form of abuse that is not as widely discussed.

But it is widely, painfully felt: neglect.

Neglect IS abuse.

Neglect goes beyond not meeting food, clothing, or shelter needs. Yes, that is a part of it.

But Neglect covers the absence of loving, invested parenting and/or nurturing.

Neglect involves when someone does not have the ability to meet needs: the emotional, financial, spiritual, mental, or the personal needs of another person, like a child.

He/she doesn’t “know how to be a parent.”

He/she doesn’t “know how to love.”

You and I are familiar with that cliché. We have often heard the words, uttered as excuses, perhaps minimizing the impact on us.

That is painful.

We are in pain.

But there is another aspect to Neglect, within the abuse realm.

Yes, someone may not know how to show love or be a parent.

But what if they DO?

What if someone knows how to love, how to nurture, how to be a parent, but they are just unwilling to do it?

“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then (Elohim) the LORD will take care of me.”

Psalm 27:10

That is Neglect. And it’s painful.

It’s painful because the message, perhaps, is this: “other people deserve this, but you don’t.”

Preferential treatment.

Physical Touch…

“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”

Psalm 105:15

Physical abuse is typically defined as harmful touch on the human body. The abuse causes broken bones, bruises, and bleeding, in its most obvious and severe forms.

Many of us experience that.

However, there is another kind of harmful physical touch: the absence of loving physical touch. Again, The Neglect.

Yes, it’s devastating when we are hit with a fist, slapped. It is devastating with we are overpowered, for instance, as children, by adults who cause physical harm in a myriad of ways. They are bigger and stronger than the child; they can use force to execute their plans and demands.

But how many of us… need a hug?

How many of us... are DENIED that hug?

We can be children; we can be adults. The need is still there, no matter our age

“Failure To Thrive…”

This phrase is often uttered regarding babies who just are not responding and growing as they should.

They are listless. They lose weight instead of gaining weight. They don’t “meet developmental targets.”

“Failure To Thrive.”

“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”

Psalm 105:15

I think it was around the time of 1990 when there was news coverage of Russian babies in orphanages. Footage of numerous cribs, containing baby after baby, displayed this “failure to thrive.”

Indeed, some children were listless, just staring into space.

Others were rocking back and forth, sometimes violently, out of compulsion.

Still other babies could not- or would not- make eye contact with any human being around them.

Journalists wrote stories on these orphans, even noting the heartbreaking realities when, upon some of their adoptions, they displayed severe attachment issues, and even struck their caregivers.

In… anger? In… frustration?

These poor children did not respond well to physical touch. They screamed. They went limp. They hit the person trying to do the hugging.

Why was that?

Simple answer?

Neglect.

These poor children only knew neglect as normal. They didn’t recognize loving human physical contact as normal.

And that goes beyond Russian orphans. It is human vulnerability. And we can all be subject to it.

Forsaken…

“…‘(Elohim)The LORD has forsaken me. And my (Elohim) Lord has forgotten me.’”
Isaiah 49:14

Feelings of being forsaken are part of Neglect.

Again, it’s the message conveyed to us: “You are not important enough to take care of.”

As a child. As an adult.

“Not important enough.”

Forsaken.

This is abusive. It’s harmful. And it involves the harmful aspect of touch.

Therefore…

“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”

Psalm 105:15

It is rejection when we experience someone withholding love and affection from us.

It can be subtle. It can be obvious.

It is painful.

Physical touch is a human need.

Therefore, to be on the receiving end of a message like “I’m not going to meet this need for you” can be devastating.

Devastation involves someone’s willful choice to deny us our need for love, nurturing, protection, and provision.

And that’s yet another unmet need.

Our soul cries out.

He is Our Cinnamon Roll...

The Most High, Our Father, hears that cry.

“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then (Elohim) the LORD will take care of me.”

Psalm 27:10

He holds us; He touches us…

“‘Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your (YAH) God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”

Isaiah 41:10

He wants each of us to experience and feel that right now.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

Neglect is a painful part of so many of our lives.

But He desires to surround us with His Love.

He never neglects.

Let’s pray.

ABBA-

We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Our Savior, Yahshua.

We need Your help when it comes to matters of touch and neglect.

You know fully how we have been hurt by these issues.

You know how we have been neglected by others, including family and “loved ones.”

We ask that You hold us lovingly right now. Help us to feel and experience Your Loving, Healing Touch.

Heal us of all neglect and the pain associated with it.

Thank you for always loving and holding us, in Your Mercy.

Forgive us of our sins, including neglect of You.

Help us to know, to love, and to connect with You.

We thank You and receive it all, In Yahshua’s Name.

Amen.

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Tiny Tim’s Crutch

This time of year, it’s impossible to avoid the literature classic, “A Christmas Carol.” Charles Dickens shows us Ebenezer Scrooge’s introspective redemption process, courtesy of three strategic ghosts who stage a much needed intervention.

And a major character involved in that intervention is that of Tiny Tim, the lame child of Bob Cratchit, Scrooge’s clerk.

In a conversation between Ebenezer and the one of the Ghosts, we are confronted with consequence- and mortality:

Ghost of Christmas Present: “…I see a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, the child will die.”

Ebenezer Scrooge: “No. Say he'll be spared.”

Ghost of Christmas Present: “If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, none other of my species will find him here...”

This dialogue examines personal choice, as it dovetails from one year into the next. It challenges us to reflect on our ways, on what is serving us and what is destroying us.

“If these shadows remain unaltered by the future...”

And the presence of the crutch is front and center to that reflection.

Indeed, we first come across Tiny Tim- and his crutch- in the story as he for his father...

Tiny Tim: [outside Scrooge's office] Merry Christmas, Mister Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Don't beg on this corner, boy.
Tiny Tim: I'm not begging, Sir. I'm Tim Cratchit. I'm waiting for my father.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Tim Cratchit, eh? Well you'll have a long wait, then, won't you?
[he walks off]

The strong presence of the crutch is evident. It represents powerlessness and disease.

And, yes, concerning our recovery, it is further translated into the Twelve Steps...

1.     We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Like Tiny Tim, we are dependent upon it. Without our crutch, indeed, we’d fall over. And yet, with our crutch, we still find ourselves crippled and limited. If we liken it to mobility issues, our crutch simply does not empower us to walk or run effectively. Yes, it may appear to prop us up. But it doesn’t allow for positive movement beyond that.

 

1. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

2. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of (The Most High) God as we understood Him.

Steps two and three confront our crutch perspective: do we see The Almighty in The Most High, or only our higher power in our addiction or vice?

It’s not an easy question to answer.

For, let’s face it, our crutch, is tangible evidence of an answer, a cure. It is three- dimensional. We can touch it; we can access it. We can lean on it. Therefore, the decision to choose to depend on something unseen over our comfortable, visible remedy, is a daring, scary experiment, rife with insecurity and discomfort. It’s no wonder why we fight this decision- and the ones which follow.

1. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

2. We admitted to (The Most High) God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

3. We were entirely ready to have (The Most High) God remove all these defects of character.

4. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

5. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

6. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

7. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

“…I see a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future...”

Steps four through ten address what can happen if we separate crutch from owner. What happens when we make decisions based on our repentant departure from addiction, instead of being fueled by it?

Therefore, the classic work’s “carefully preserved” component reminds us of our addiction crutch’s consequences: wrecked health, ruined relationships, careers and finances, etcetera. These realities drive our need for surrender, change, humility, amends to others and the newer, lifelong commitment we make to Elohim and to ourselves.

 

 

1. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with (The Most High) God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

2. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Steps eleven and twelve, therefore, round things out, focusing on that imperfect, yet still real commitment and its daily practice in our lives. These steps, again, recalibrate our attention from our addiction-shaped idol to that of a real Loving Heavenly Father, playing a real part in our lives.

These last steps continue to challenge the role “crutch” dictates. This is hard work; it is a constant presence, begging our decisions concerning it.

Will we choose it?

What will we choose concerning it?

Will The Most High be The Most High?

Will our crutch be  our god instead?

And, with that being said, let’s again return to the dialogue between Tiny Tim and Scrooge...

Ebenezer Scrooge: Don't beg on this corner, boy.
Tiny Tim: I'm not begging, Sir. I'm Tim Cratchit. I'm waiting for my father.

Again, this waiting of Tiny Tim illustrates our reality concerning the Most High and addiction issues...

“Truly my soul waiteth upon (The Most High) God: from him cometh my salvation.”

Psalms 62:1

“Trust in (Elohim) the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

Our own understanding equals our crutch?

So, yes, again, it comes back to choice.

The crutch, indeed, is ever-present. And, in its presence, a decision is asked of us...

“If these shadows remain unaltered by the future...”

It’s there, each day of the year, each year of our lives.

Unaltered?

Or changed?

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Our Survival From Abusers: A Case Against the Good and Happy Times?

“Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

How many of us have encountered advice from well-meaning, but often clueless individuals, offering their perspectives on enduring a toxic person, because, among other things, “life and time are precious?”

“Remember the good, happy times.”

Beautiful, in theory, not so great with a disordered Narcissistic abuser.

Those good, happy times?

Also known as intermittent positive rewards.

Also known as abusive.

We are encouraged to stick with that insufferable, perhaps, abusive person, all in the name of love, family, doing what we “should” because we “owed it” to that person to make the most of whatever time was left.

“Remember they’re old.”

“You’ll miss them when they’re gone.”

“Do right by them.”

And of course…

“Remember the good, happy times.”

But what were those good, happy times? What was the euphoric recall- or the euphoric amnesia that keeps us from admitting that things weren’t really so good, so happy, or so healthy, after all?

Let’s break these sentiments down a bit; let’s decipher the pressuring, maybe, gaslighting, subtext.

“Remember the good, happy times:”

(“Remember they’re old.”)

Abuse can often get portrayed as something for which only the strong, vital, and young perpetuate. Surely, a sweet four-foot ten grandma wouldn’t be vicious, right? Only the most obvious, snarling villain, wearing, appropriately enough, a torn and stained “wife beater” undershirt would be capable of creating misery, torture, and violence, right?

“Vulnerable adults” or “Senior citizens,” yes, get a certain respect and ranking. We, overall, recognize that they have special needs, wisdom, and issues that can make us protective and accommodating of them. We forget and forgive, perhaps, past cruelties of such persons, because we disconnect their younger selves causing damage from their older, current versions who may be still inflicting sadistic actions, while hiding behind their age.

Many “vulnerable adults," indeed, can worsen their bitterness and their abusive streaks with age. “Collapsed Narcissist,” for example, is an often-used term to describe many nursing home residents who are beyond “ornery.” They are hateful, spiteful, and resentful of how their lives turned out, and of how “everyone” abandoned them, so much so, that they become hellbent and gleeful about exacting revenge on those who fail them, according to their often demanding and unrealistic specifications.

It can become personal in its cruelty is a way that is discombobulating.

Indeed, these older abusers can feel entitled, above reproach, and free from obeying facility rules, let alone, treating others with human decency.

This, of course, is not to say that all old people are evil. There are some truly loving, kind, helpful, and wise Seniors out there. I’m speaking of a special group of older people who weaponize the age card. Something about them is far from feeble; they can display manipulative tactics of helplessness, forgetfulness, and being filter-less, all to fulfill their own plans.

They can get away with it because “they’re old.”

And we, after all, are supposed to defer to that old designation.

What To Remember About These “Good, Happy Times…”

Perhaps, this older person we’re entangled with, was never kind or loving, in either their younger or their older years. Perhaps, they were abusive from start to finish, without any explanation, not that any explanation justifies abuse in the first place.

Perhaps, there were no good or happy times, or, at least not enough of them.

Many of us can get tied to an abusive older person, like a parent, or a grandparent, because there was just enough sprinkling of what appeared to be good and happy times. Birthdays. Holidays. Special occasions. Times in which they were loving and kind to us.

An “and” kind of approach. A cognitive dissonance kind of thing, one can argue. This and this, two completely opposite situations, involving behavior and experience can be true at the same time.

No problem there.

The challenge is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable premise that 1) maybe nothing about them was real, 2) maybe only one situation was real and true, and, of course, there’s a third option, that neither experiences, nor portrayals of them were real and true.

I know. Maddening.

Yet, that can be the necessary wake up call we need to remind us that an old person doesn’t always show up as loving.

And if, for our own wellbeing, that means we need to cut ties, we have not failed in the situation. If a person is toxic, there’s no age limit on that. Deliberate, sadistic abuse is not acceptable… even from an elder. Our health and sanity deserve the right to be prioritized and protected.

“Remember the good, happy times.”

(“You’ll miss them when they’re gone.”)

Ah, great. Here we go.

Death.

That’ll shut down an argument, huh?

Call it “F.O.D.,” “Fear of Death,” like “FOMO,” “Fear of missing out.”

It’s the great anxiety of designating a person to be so important, so sacred, they will be miss-able when they die.

And here’s a tricky thing; we can, and do, miss toxic people when they die. We grieve them. We have regrets concerning them. All of the “shoulds” come out to play, torturing us for being the awful excuses for human beings who “let” our own pettiness get in the way of the more important matters of life and death, of appreciating this human soul, flaws and all, even IF they were nothing but cruel and hateful to us in our lives.

There is the ultimate preferential treatment going on here, isn’t there?

What To Remember About These “Good, Happy Times…”

Exacting some unrealistic, unattainable, and, for that matter, undeserved preferential treatment, making their impending death more important than our lives, lived in the present, is not our purpose in life. And it’s ridiculous and cruel for anyone to expect that of us.

Death doesn’t erase the experience we endured, be it good or abusive. And because we can tend to have a warped perspective, convincing us that their life is more valuable than ours, we can minimize the bad and idealize the good to epic status.

Was it really that bad?

Was it really that good?

Both questions can be confusing and painful to honestly assess and answer. And then it’s difficult to live with the answer.

Challenging the “good and happy times” may show more of an underbelly than is comfortable to face.

But facing it, beginning to take the tiny step of facing it, can be liberating.

Perhaps, we didn’t have a happy childhood after all. Perhaps, we knew there was something “off” about a certain person.

Perhaps… there’s something to our perspective on our own lives.

That perhaps is powerful.

“Remember the good, happy times.”

(“Do right by them.”)

Translation? Sacrifice yourself, big time, even to the point of placing yourself, your life, your finances, and your health in harm’s way, just so the “good and happy times” can be allowed to be created and protected for the abuser. 

Turn your frown upside down, all so the toxic person will be saved from ever frowning themselves.

What To Remember About These “Good, Happy Times…”

Let’s just put it out there. “Their” definition of “doing right by them” means we are willingly putting up with abuse.

From anyone. From everyone. Just taking it.

Because it benefits them.

Does that sound sane to you?

Remember, our abuse and mistreatment can be beneficial to someone else’s agenda. Someone wants to control you and I; someone wants to exploit and use us. And there are endless ways that can happen. It’s disturbing.

There can be a payoff for someone else if we are stuck in am impossible situation in which we are constantly trying to “do right by them.” It will never be enough; it’s designed that way. We keep trying, spending ourselves, exhausting ourselves, and someone else can reap that benefit. Endless amounts of attention, resources, finances, sex, protection from negative consequences, and a warped kind of companionship are some of those benefits. We experience it, however, as one-sided. Somehow, these toxic and abusive individuals never quite get around to “doing right by us,” do they? It’s haphazard and spartan, at best.

That’s the point; that’s the red flag. That’s the lesson.

Are we learning it yet?

Remember Ourselves:

We can easily get amnesia when we forget ourselves in the middle of the toxic promise of happiness. We can pin that on someone else, while abdicating ourselves in the process. We get lost.

The antidote, easier said than done, is to remember ourselves. That requires self-awareness. That requires self-valuing. That requires we not get swept away with the obligations and expectations unhealthy people place upon us.

We must remember.

Who are we? What do we want? Is it what we experience from this person and the life choices associated with them? Do we forget ourselves when we love, serve, help, and obsess about them? Is that what we want?

Is that our good and happy life?

“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

(New Living Translation)

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

Ignorance and Want

One of my favorite holiday stories is “A Christmas Carol,” the timeless classic, written by Charles Dickens. I’ve seen many adaptations of it; there have been numerous stage and screen versions, rolled out each December.

One of the constants in the story, however, is that of the boy character, Ignorance and the girl character, Want, introduced to the Scrooge character via the Ghost of Christmas Present. They’re portrayed as creature-like, snarling, hissing and clawing for attention. They make their dramatic appearance, hidden underneath the Ghost’s robe.

And the drama queen in me loves that poignant, uncomfortable scene because it’s a wakeup call reality check for humanity. According to the literature classic, here’s the exchange between Scrooge and the Ghost:

"Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased."

(Merry Christmas, how’d you like some social justice?)

 And Scrooge chimes in, ever so reasonably, with the following response…

"Do they have no refuge, no resource?"

To which the Ghost sends a zinger, using Ebenezer’s own thoughtless words from earlier against him…

"Are there no prisons, no workhouses?"

Ouch. Talk about having your tuchis handed to you!

Anyway, as I’ve been making my way through at least four versions of the story this holiday so far, I’ve been struck by the power of the Ignorance and Want words and what they represent- and not just in social justice issues either. I’ve been viewing them through the prism of recovery. First, let’s look at Ignorance, defined as being…

A lack of knowledge or education

An unawareness of something, often of something important

 

That’s quite direct, isn’t it?

How many things, even such horrible things like injustice, abuse, and addiction, have been done in the name of ignorance? Yet the wreckage is still apparent and devastating.

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge…”

Hosea 4:6

I know that for me, personally, this lack of knowledge- this ignorance- was the gradual descent into my eating disorder behavior. Already mired by food, weight and body image issues since childhood, an “innocent” diet led me down a dark path. When I started the diet as a teenager, my goal was not to develop Anorexia and Bulimia; my goal was to be thin. But I was ignorant of exactly what I was doing. And, before long, I was ensnared. It’s since been a continuous and imperfect extrication, now, years later into my recovery.

The ignorance was built on the lie that my determined “answer” of being thin would make everything right, perfect and pain-free in my life. Indeed, using the word’s definition, I certainly was not aware of the truly important real significance to my issues. To paraphrase the Ghost of Christmas Present, “Doom was waiting for me.”

Goody.

Like Dickens’ classic, the Ignorant creature in me was snarling and hissing, clawing to get away from Truth.

Can you relate in your life? What are you ignorant of, right now, in your family, your recovery and your personal issues?

But wait, we’re still not done. Let’s head on over to Want.

Ah, yes, Want. The word is defined as such:

To desire something: to feel a need or desire for something

To wish something done: to desire to do something or that something be done

To miss something: to feel the lack of something

 

Want and hunger are often represented as the same animal, aren’t they?

And so, like the character from “A Christmas Carol,” the want is the parasite which drives its host to obsession and compulsion. It won’t stop until “it” gets what “it” wants.

 Is anyone else recognizing themselves here?

In issues like addictions, vices, and drives, there’s this never-ending black hole element, promising us-lying to us- stating we’ll be satisfied once “this or that” happens.

“There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. A worker's appetite works for him, For his hunger urges him on.”

Proverbs 16:25-26

 

And so, we turn to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, relationships, and self-destructive choices, hoping our pursuit of that chosen thing will make us feel complete and healed.

“Everyone's toil is for their mouth, yet their appetite is never satisfied.”

Ecclesiastes 6:7

And cue the snarling, hissing and clawing creature of Want. Isn’t she adorable?

Each of us needs to get real with that greedy, grabby, selfish creature within us. We are fallible human beings, after all. Hate to break it to you.

“For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.”

Psalms 103:14

Nevertheless, we need to acknowledge those unmet needs- or perceived unmet needs which drive us; we need to deal with our creatures. And then, to use an often quoted statement, we need to “check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.”

It’s not always perfectly accomplished; we fail repeatedly. Again, hate to break it to you.

But let’s allow “A Christmas Carol” serve as a reminder concerning Ignorance and Want: yes, they are creatures, but they are children as well.

That’s part of why they are, indeed, so relatable. At the end of the day, that is who WE are: we are children…children of The Most High. And Dickens, himself says about that reality…

“It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a Child Himself.”

Ignorance? Want? Are these creatures actively in our lives? Join the club. And don’t despair. We can be mindful of them and tend to them as needed in our lives WITH Elohim’s help.

“(The Most High) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Psalms 46:1

Let’s NOT be IGNORANT of THAT! Let’s WANT THAT!

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Kunte Kinte (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)

…What’s in a Name?

“…What is His Name, and what is His Son’s Name, if you know?”

Proverbs 30:4

Most of us are familiar with the book, inspiring the 1970s television miniseries, “Roots: The Saga of An American Family,” by Alex Haley.

The character, Kunta Kinte, shook the world, as we are confronted by a disturbing scene, brilliantly enacted in the miniseries by a young LeVar Burton.

In this scene, Kunta Kinte, who was enslaved in 1767, is flogged mercilessly, punishment for not accepting his new name, “Toby.”

We see him put up a defiant fight against having his identity changed.

Against having his name changed.

The depiction showcases the brutality of a slave being beaten and humiliated into submission. That was the reality of a slave’s life.

After many rounds of whipping, while repeatedly demanding that he submit and say his new name, Kunta Kinte can hold out no longer.

The scene ends, at his breaking point, when asked what his name was, he replied, in a weak voice, “Toby.”

(Viewer discretion is advised. This scene is quite distressing).

Kunta Kinte - Whooping Scene - What Is Your Name (Roots 1977) HD

 

It resonates.

And how much more, for slave, after slave, “The People,” a People called by the Name Of YAH?

Let’s not forget. Our Savior.

Also beaten. Whipped.

“So then Pilate took (Yahshua) Jesus and had Him scourged (flogged, whipped). And the soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on His head and put a purple robe around Him. and they kept coming up to Him, saying [mockingly], ‘Hail, King of the Jews [Good health! Peace! Long life to you, King of the Jews]!’ And they slapped Him in the face.”
John 19:1-3

(Also see, for example, Matthew 27:26; Mark 15:15; Matthew 20:19; Mark 10:34; Isaiah 50:6).

Scripture mentions flogging. The whipping. The humiliation. The taunting. The mockery. The horrifying experience of a slave?

Yahshua experienced that.

His experience was eternal. It was the Redemptive Work of Humanity’s Salvation.

He endured not just the beating, but the full sin, with every lash, bleeding wound, and taunt.

“The plowers plowed on my back; They made their furrows long.”

Psalm 129:3

This scripture prophesied Him…

If You Know?: Cruse, Sheryle: 9798272042019: Amazon.com: Books

 

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Navigating with the Navigator

“…‘Fear not, I will help you.’”

Isaiah 41:13

Joy*, my breast nurse navigator, kept me sane (well, as close to it as possible) during my 2017 Breast cancer diagnosis.

She was the one who did all three of my biopsies and made that dreaded cancer phone call one Tuesday morning. Joy walked me through the overwhelming gauntlet of tests, appointments, surgery, radiation and “survivorship.”

She did this all while being a girlfriend. I’d like you to know about her heart and her impact in my life.                                                                                                 

First, after my biopsies, I asked her for a copy of my MRI. I wanted a still image of my breasts and I asked if she could rustle one up for me. I knew this request was a little out of the ordinary. Doing biopsy stuff, getting me test results, sure. But this?

“Hi, Joy-

….Is it possible to get a copy of my MRI scan you showed me on Friday? There is method to my madness- this year's Christmas card.😜...”

 “Hi Sheryle!
You can absolutely get your imaging for future purposes-whatever those may be! I will have a CD made... The Christmas card idea truly made me laugh out loud. What better way to spread Christmas cheer than a glossy breast MRI photo? Ha!…”

But we’re not done yet.

 “Hi Sheryle,

…The lady who works in the CD and medical records assured me that images can be printed from the CD’s, but the file size of an MRI is extremely large (read: might crash the average computer). So, I went ahead and did a screen-shot of what I consider the ‘money shot’...” 
The money shot!

Yes, Joy was going to great lengths for me.

So, I wondered, how did that all start?

She began, in high school, as a home health aide for disabled children. Her official nursing career later started in pediatrics, at a children’s hospital. But, because of the taxing reality of its heart-wrenching pediatric patients, she applied for the navigator position she has now and voilà! 

So, what is a breast nurse navigator, anyway? We can posit, it’s the ultimate connector and guide through one’s diagnosed paces.

 “… The nation's first patient navigation program was initiated by Harold Freeman in 1990 at a public hospital in Harlem, New York… The philosophy of patient navigation encourages a system of health care delivery, which supports timely movement of the individual patient through an often complex and fragmented health care system...”

“The Origin, Evolution, and Principles of Patient Navigation” By Harold P. Freeman; http://cebp.aacrjournals.org/content/21/10/1614

Used with permission.

Joy is, indeed, passionate about her work. Her enthusiasm for it is infectious.

She told me how she loved being there for women at this most scary time. She makes it a point to study each patient during the biopsy, gathering as much intel about her support structure and life circumstances as possible.

That, in fact, taps into the downside of her job, mainly, her frustration of not being able to meet the overwhelming demand of all cancer-related issues. Joy often feels spread thin. Diagnosed women move along to another facet of their treatment plans, like chemotherapy or radiation, and there, indeed, is no breast nurse navigator in place to support them there.

So, she usually gets a phone call from a distressed woman, asking for help. She has to not only do her job, centering on diagnosis and biopsies, but also tend to all other areas of cancer as well.

It’s too much. And we can’t clone her.

Therefore, logically, one would think this reality would be a gigantic impetus for the medical community to instate navigators in all clinic/ Cancer Care areas. Well, unfortunately, not quite.

Frequently, it comes down to the bottom line.

Clinics will assert, however legitimately, they simply don’t have the funds for that scope of care. Or, another possibility? Sometimes, clinics are clueless this is even a problem. They simply don’t hear about the in-need patients, asking for and requiring specific support. They, perhaps, don’t see a problem because nurse navigators, like Joy, are in clinics running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to be all cancer things to all cancer patients, getting the various needs met.

And then there’s the reluctance to do a more ambitious sweep of all interconnected clinics. One theory, in dealing with powerful people making these decisions, states that if navigators are fully implemented in one individual clinic, they’d then need to be implemented in all clinics. It’s a matter of standardization. And, what’s more, the argument declares standardization can kill innovation. Therefore, a hesitant response may occur.

Another possibility? Navigator installation may be deemed unnecessary, especially since there are already roles such as radiation nurses and social workers commonly in place in clinics.

Maybe the powers- that- be see it as redundancy.

Perhaps, it’s simply too intimidating a prospect, as this nurse navigator would not only need expertise in all things cancer, but also in coordination, networking and scheduling responsibilities.

In essence, the navigator acts as an omnipotent cancer concierge. Would this, then, be too much to ask of one individual?

Or, could there, indeed, be an emphasis on training, incorporating the “many hands make light work” theory, while working as a cohesive Cancer Care relay race?

Part of Joy’s vision includes a regular meeting of all navigators, sharing information and updates. Whether that’s on a weekly or a daily basis, it still calls attention to the interconnection of everyone, cross pollinating and meeting the needs of the patients in their care.

She has presented her wider installation proposal to her own clinic. She sees potential. She desires this navigator role to be installed, at every phase of treatment, for ALL cancers, not just Breast cancer.

Joy envisions the navigator acting as a hands-on advocate, for each diagnosed person, even going so far as to accompany the patient in her appointments. The ultimate support person. The importance of that cannot be overstated.

For there are too many women, unfortunately, who have no such person in the room with them. Navigators, therefore, would guarantee the patient would not be left alone, to face her intimidating reality. They would do the emotional handholding, as well as the practical matters of taking notes, deciphering the daunting cancer language and coordinating the next appointment, test or procedure.

Again, the powers- that- be might prefer to see the evidence- based practice; they want concrete results.

But, throughout the country, navigators are in place. It IS happening already.

It is why Dr. Harold Freeman was inspired in the first place. In his work, he saw a direct correlation between navigation and increased survivorship.

“After the implementation of patient navigation for breast cancer, the number of women seeking treatment for late stage (stage 3-4) breast cancers decreased from 49% to 21%.”

“Cancer of the Breast in Poor Black Women,” By Harold P. Freeman and Tarik J. Wasfie, 1989; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2720605?dopt=Abstract

Harold P. Freeman Patient Navigation Institute; http://www.hpfreemanpni.org/resources/

Used with permission.

As it stands now, Joy is currently awaiting a response from those powers- that- be.

And, in the meantime, she’s still the only breast nurse navigator I’ve encountered, thus far. But her dream of an official navigator, stationed at every port? It’s not happening yet.

So, she works to the best of her ability, trying to meet patient needs.

As I endeavor to maintain my survivorship, Joy and I still keep in touch, dealing with everything that Breast cancer entails. We’re friends, but with that being said, she is still every bit the professional nurse navigator. She executes both beautifully.

So, beyond the clinical, the real value I’ve experienced of nurse navigators, through Joy, is the human, compassionate component. She has been there through the terrifying. She not only scheduled appointments, but she also listened to my fears and concerns. That element of care was more important to me than any cancer test. I needed the “friend” results much more than anything from a lab. Seriously.

Therefore, if/when, you are given an unfortunate diagnosis, I hope you stumble upon a nurse navigator like Joy in the process.

It will make all the difference.

*(Name changed for privacy).

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

A Child’s First Gaslighting?

“For (The Most High) God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

1 Corinthians 14:33

With this festive time of year, I’m certainly a sucker for nostalgia and memories.

And, as I delve into them, it usually is not too long before I bump into, your favorite and mine, some early childhood gaslighting.

I recently discovered an old photo of me, being visited by “Santa” (a family friend who agreed to play the role for my six-year-old self’s benefit).

He showed up at my house, of course, bringing his bag of gifts. Santa had made a few of these holiday stops over the years, ever since I was old enough to grasp the “gimme gimme” concept of the holiday season. Usually, he’d give me a brown bag of peanuts before, drumroll please, the presentation of my desired presents.

As a four and five-year-old, I knew the drill. Endure the peanuts; get to the good stuff.

There I was, a sophisticated six-year-old, dressed in a royal blue, high neck dress, with my mother’s opulent brooch (because what six-year-old doesn’t enjoy an opulent brooch?).

I did the Santa pleasantries and awaited my gifts with as much polite patience as a child could muster.

Finally, Santa reached into his bag and pulled out my present. It was a medium-sized box, wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper. I remember absolutely loving the wrapping paper.

I fixated on the paper; it was filled with beautiful angels scattered all over the surface.

But it was more than that. I had seen this wrapping paper before. My mother had wrapped our other Christmas presents under the tree with it!

As the outspoken girl I was, I IMMEDIATELY brought this to Santa’s attention. The photo my mother took, that I include here, captures that exact moment.

I thought Santa should really know he was using the same wrapping paper as that of mere mortals. I considered it a public service bringing the issue to his attention.

That moment, I remember, instantly created an awkward pause, along with my mother’s nervous laughter and Santa’s stuttering. I guess I “busted” them. For a good thirty seconds, both Santa, his one blue eyeball peeking from underneath his hat and strategically placed white wig, and my mother, fumbled for explanations…

“Ah-well- Honey… people use the same wrapping paper… all of the time. It’s not that unusual for Santa to wrap his presents with the same paper Mommy uses- uh- it’s very common…”

Santa chimes in…

“Why- uh-yes, I use… wrapping paper that other families use… all the time!”

Uh-huh.

Something in me wasn’t buying it. All I had to do was go to our Christmas tree and pick a present for proof.

However, because I was raised to be “a good girl,” meaning, don’t question the adults, especially not Santa, I let it go. Thank you very much for coming. Please say “hi” to Rudolph.

Keep it moving.

But, however sweet, innocent and endearing this incident was, it was still gaslighting. For my mother wrapped the gift, gave it to this Santa-posing friend ahead of time, all for the purpose of reinforcing the entire Santa narrative.

Make it believable; sell it!

Something many a parent has done over the decades.

But here was the thing. At six, I was already starting to question Santa’s validity. Some things already were not adding up. Even though we had a chimney, why didn’t he ever use it? He always knocked loudly on our front door.

And even though I heard sleigh bells, why did I never SEE Rudolph? Wouldn’t he want me to feed him some carrots? I could pet him, along with the other reindeer.

No, everything seemed very controlled.

Don’t rush to look out the window or go outside to check the roof. It’s “too cold” and “too snowy.”

Yeah, I know. It’s Minnesota in winter. Christmas, remember?

No, no, stuff was not adding up. I was taking mental notes since I was four.

So, the angel wrapping paper was the tipping point. I KNEW what I saw!

Yet I was dissuaded from believing my experience. They tried to talk me out of it.

I know, I know, I know, it’s all in the name of childhood wonder and memories. And, overall, with this gaslighting incident, I got off light. After all, there was no abuse, no molestation. It could have been a lot more traumatic.

But still, the lesson that incident taught me was… to doubt myself.

And that’s what I’m getting at.

Gaslighting children to disbelieve what they see, hear, think and feel is harmful.

Years later, I’m not bitter about this memory. I know there was childhood innocence permeating it.

But there was a cost. However unintentional, it still laid the foundation for me to distrust what I knew, to forfeit my experience for someone else’s, someone “who knew better.”

Each of us can have that first moment of gaslighting. And, for many of us, that moment can exist within the vulnerable time of childhood.

Gaslighting does, after all, start somewhere.

Rolodex your own holiday and/or childhood memories. See anything? Remember anything?

How about, right now, giving yourself the gift to own and to acknowledge that yes, you KNEW what was going on! You were RIGHT!

You weren’t silly; you weren’t crazy!

You were a gaslit child.

And now, you’re so much more!

It’s now time to heal.

Happy holidays!

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

Abba Father Prayer (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)

ABBA FATHER-

In YOUR NAME AS FATHER, in the Name of Yahshua, Your Son, Our Savior, we come to you.

We are trying to learn this Name of Yours.

For so many of us, it may be the most painful and difficult Name to ever learn.

Help us.

Forgive us.

 Lead us into being Fathered YOUR Way.

What does that LOOK like, for each of us?

Please adopt us.

We NEED Your Spirit of Adoption.

You know we struggle.

We have not just been hurt by our earthly fathers, but also by the traumas and the lies they carried and passed onto us.

We have been hurt by the wrong identity we believed in and inhabited, because our fathers did not know or did not accept the truth about who they were.

Many of them did not accept You.

And that damaged EACH of us.

Heal that damage, now, As Father.

And even more so, as “Abba.”

“Daddy.”

We need our Daddy.

Be that for each of us now, not just IN NAME, but in a Loving Reality that we can experience from You.

Thank You for loving and healing us.

We receive it all, by faith, in Your Fatherly Name, expressed through the Fatherly Love of Your Son.

Amen.

“Teach me thy way… I will walk in Thy Truth: unite my heart to fear Thy Name.”

Psalm 86:11

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse

 

 

The Sleepiest Soldier

“Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, ‘What! Could you not watch with Me one hour?’”

Matthew 26:40

The bed is cozy. Warm blankets. A mountain-scape of cushiony pillows.

It feels reassuring and gratifying to burrow in, especially as we look at the clock, in the pitch-black atmosphere. We see that there are still plenty of hours we can stay nestled.

We don’t need to get up. We don’t need to do anything.

Just stay burrowed, tucked in, cozy in our bed cocoons.

It’s not that big of a deal for us to do that.

It’s “the middle of the night,” after all.

Let’s just hunker down, maybe get some more sleep.

Rationalizing our argument for “shut-eye,” especially, early morning “shut-eye.”

Also known as “The Secret Place.”

(Night watch version).

I am talking about an earlier time stamp of wake up than five or six o’clock in the morning.

Most of us can agree that is “early.”

I am talking about waking up at one, two, three, or four o’clock in the morning. We just “wake up.”

No alarm clock blaring; we didn’t even set the time for it to go off.

BING! We just “wake up.”

DID we, though?

I am currently in the middle of this spiritual lab experiment, known as “The Secret Place.”

Let’s be sleepy guinea pigs together, shall we?

We Love Sleep…Too Much?

“Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.”

Proverbs 20:13 

We often hear about how sleep is someone’s favorite hobby. Sleep, in this fast world, is coveted.

Yes, we love sleep.

Sleeping in. Being comfortable. Not doing anything.

Scriptures, therefore, like Proverbs 20:13, are cautionary tales.

Sleep, as with anything done in excess, has its negative consequences. When we overdo it, things can happen that are contrary to our desires, needs, and quality of life…

“How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.”

Proverbs 6:9-11

Poverty is one thing.

Check out what sleeping did to Eutychus here…

“And a young man named Eutychus, sitting at the window, sank into a deep sleep as Paul talked still longer. And being overcome by sleep, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead.”

Acts 20:9 

Eh, yeah.

Death by sleep.

Especially near windows.

I didn’t know that was exactly a thing. But I guess it’s a thing.

That should be peptalk enough for not sleeping through the important stuff in our lives. Life and death importance. Yep.

We should also follow this bit of scriptural instruction as well.

“So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.”

1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 

Sleep, like all other life issues, is a spiritual matter. We shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it.

Sleep is a heart issue.

Sleep spotlights what we prioritize.

Is it ease? Is it comfort? Is it indulgence?

Or is it The Most High? Is it seeking Him in “The Secret Place?”

“I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for (Elohim) the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”

Psalm 132:4-5 

Before we all turn into “A Clockwork Orange” here…

I am not picking on you without picking on myself.

Again. Lab experiment.

Guinea Pigs, complete with matching sleepy faces.

This all speaks to the flesh over faith issue.

And yeah, we all have flesh to wrestle with.

“Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41

Part of my lab struggle circa now, has been the ongoing battle between alertness…

Over sleepy comfort…

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

We have all heard that expression.

And perhaps, I’m being a bit dramatic here (I was a theatre major in college).

For me, however, I see my earnest intentions, sleepy as they may be.

In theory, it can seem like such an easy no-brainer.

Of course I will rise and shine to greet Elohim in “The Secret Place.”

Of course, I will discipline myself to “wake-y wake-y, eggs and bake-y.”

Yet, my intentions give way to that comfortable warm bed. The pillows. The cocooning.

And so…

Therefore, The Divine Question is asked, not just from the disciples centuries ago, but also asked of me…

“ …‘Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.’”

Luke 22:46

Yeah. All kidding aside, it is sobering.

For how do I know that missing out on the early morning Secret Place with The Almighty didn’t have some urgent information or warning for me?

Again, poverty (Proverbs 6:9-11) and death (Acts 20:9) can be two possibilities concerning “sleeping in.”

I’d prefer not to be poor or to fall from a window to my death.

Maybe, most of the time, it probably isn’t actual death.

It’s more like “missed opportunity.”

That is a death all its own.

And Yahshua has something different for us…

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

John 10:10

He Wants To Talk With Us. (His Case For The Early Morning Secret Place)…

“When I remember you upon my bed and meditate on you in the watches of the night.”

Psalm 63:6 

Can our own beds BE “The Secret Place?”

Eh, yes and no. It can be a bit tricky.

Most of us sleep in a bed.

Therefore, most of us, when woken up, are in our beds.

And, if The Most High, The Sovereign Almighty of The Universe and of All Ages and Eras, wants to wake us up, well, then yes, that bed of ours can be a “Secret Place” opportunity.

At least, that is the starter locale.

Here’s where some trickiness comes in. At least, I have been dealing with the tricky challenge.

Lately, I have had a “battle with the bed.”

I am awakened early-early in the pre-dawn morning. Like at two or three. The previous night, I specifically asked The Spirit of The Most High to wake me at that time.

“No later than three, please.”

Yep, I made that request.

And so, Bing! Three a.m.

I wake up without an alarm clock. It’s usually around 2:30. Occasionally, it’s 1:30 or 1:45.

But it is before three in the morning. Request granted. Yay.

We are off and running then?

Well, “battle of the bed.”

Battle of “The Secret Place” location.

Bed… or out of bed, kneeling, in prayer, on hardwood floors?

You see where I’m coming from, don’t you?

It’s a Battle Royale.

He is where I should get up, OUT of bed, start kneeling, start praying, start “Secret Placing,” already.

Here, instead is where I negotiate…rationalize… that the bed is the Holy “Secret Place.”

“I can lie in bed and pray. He will talk to me here.”

How do you think that approach goes?

Yep.

The battle with “The Secret Place” has been the battle over this lie: “I can pray while I’m in bed.”

I do battle with this statement most mornings. Intention to stay awake and pray gives way to comfortable slumber.

Again…

“Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, ‘What! Could you not watch with Me one hour?’”

Matthew 26:40

Translated, for us and our situations now...

“Could you not get out of that warm bed and pray?”

“Could you not get out of bed, stay awake, and talk with Me? I want to spend time with you.”

My morning conviction. Guilty.

“And He said to them, ‘Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.’”

Luke 22:46

Beyond warnings of death, temptation, poverty, falling out of windows, and other garden-variety possibilities out there, there is a big reality to “The Secret Place” we need consider…

He’s The Bridegroom…

“As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept.”

Matthew 25:5 

If Yahshua is The Bridegroom, wanting to spend time with us and speak with us, then who are WE?

“Here comes The Bride.”

Roll call.

“He” wants to speak with us. WE are His “Bride.”

“… they all became drowsy and slept.”

When was the last time you saw a bride fall asleep at her own wedding?

Exactly.

It seems ridiculous, right? This is “her day.” This is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate being with her bridegroom.

A “no sleeping zone,” then.

Look, I sleep through many a “Secret Place”- morning- Bride-with- Her-Bridegroom sessions.

I start out with good intentions. Awake intentions.

And the bed and pillow temptation lulls me to sleep at the two or three o’clock engagement.

I have had plenty of mornings in which I drift in and out of sleep. Sometimes, I wake at 3:45, 4:30, or 5:15 a.m.

And I feel regret.

Like I “missed out” on that “Secret Place” magic hour of two of three.

Here’s where this scripture can come in handy…

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”

Romans 8:1

Equal parts chastisement and forgiveness?

We are “but dust” (Psalm 103:14).

We are “sleepy soldiers.”

Still, with that reality, “The Secret Place” is more than about making us feel convicted for “sleeping in.”

There is a reward to waking up early, staying awake at the early hour, and talking with Him.

“At this I awoke and looked, and my sleep was pleasant to me.”

Jeremiah 31:26 

“The Secret Place” is not a punishment.

It is an opportunity, and, yes, a challenge.

It is not about us being sleep deprived.

“I cried aloud to (Elohim) the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill. Selah. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for (Elohim) the Lord sustained me.”

Psalm 3:4-5 

He Will Give Us Rest.

He doesn’t want us to be exhausted.

Early in the morning, as we are bleary, it can often feel like that.

Why can’t we just sleep in?

Why couldn’t He speak with us in the middle of the afternoon?

Possible answer?

Appointed time.

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.”
Habakkuk 2:3

Again, it’s about opportunity.

How do we view opportunity? How do we view missed opportunity?

He still loves us, no matter what. But there are certain things He has just for us, certain things He wants to share with us, early in the morning.

Do we say yes or no to that?

This is not a lecture or a flogging for you. I am, again, feeling the conviction myself.

Too many mornings, I was awakened, yet chose to go back to sleep.

What did I miss out on?

The ultimate “FOMO?”

He does offer Mercy and Grace… along with many opportunities.

He will redeem the time (Ephesians 5:16).

And He will redeem our sleep.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

“And he said, ‘My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.’”

Exodus 33:14 

He will give us Rest.

“The Secret Place” is not “either/or.”

He knows we are sleepy dust, sleepy soldiers.

“‘For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.’ At this I awoke and looked, and my sleep was pleasant to me.”

Jeremiah 31:25-26 

He wants us to want to have communion with Him. Speak with Him. Spend time with Him.

Yes, that’s often in these early hours, because that is when the world, and our busy lives, are more quiet.

He can get a crack at us.

He will, despite the early morning hours, refresh us with HIS Rest.

“But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.”

2 Thessalonians 3:13

“Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.”

Isaiah 40:31

I know.

That is easier quoted than lived, isn’t it?

We are finite; we are tired. Scripture can only take us so far, we argue.

And there is also another component to His Rest.

Cue the 23rd Psalm, Everyone…

“He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness

for the sake of His name.”

(Verses Two and Three)

Let’s break this down a little more.

Verse Two:

“He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters.”

Over the past few days, I have had a situation in which I did more than just “fall asleep.”

I crashed.

And here is where, I believe, I encountered Psalm 23:2.

Sometimes, yes, in the name of “Rest” He will put us to sleep.

We are His Sheep. Sometimes, therefore, He commands that we “lie down.”

“Sleepy Time, right now.”

He knows what’s best for us; He knows when we hit our limits.

Cue, then, Verse Three:

“He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness

for the sake of His name.”

Therefore, Fellow Sleep Soldier, we can rest in that. Even if it is, yes, in “The Secret Place.”

Still tired?

Well, for that, there is some more good news.

He Doesn’t Sleep. 

“He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”

Psalm 121:3-4 

This is some great news, especially if we are having one of those “sleepiest soldier” mornings.

We sleep in. We wake up, only to go BACK to sleep.

We miss out on “The Secret Place.” And we know we missed out.

Still, The Great Elohim, “Father and Son,” (because, after all…)

“‘I and My Father are one.’”

John 10:30

The Great Elohim does NOT sleep. There is no “sleepy soldier” situation going on at all with Him.

And nothing, including us, is “too hard for Him.”

“Behold, I am (Elohim) the LORD, (The Most High) God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”

Jeremiah 32:27

He is UP!

24-7.

He is awake, loving us, speaking to and over us CONSTANTLY.

(Thank You, ABBA, for THAT)!

 

“The Secret Place” Tips”

So, what about some trial-and-error “Secret Place” Tips?

Life and we are imperfect. Remember that.

Still, there are a few ways to aim for more successful meet-up times in “The Secret Place.”

I go about them, many a-morning.

First, try not to fall for the old standard lie, “Let me just rest my eyes.”

How many times, upon waking, have I uttered this to myself.

And then, forty-five minutes-to-two hours, I wake up.

Missed “The Secret Place. “

All because I “rested my eyes.”

So, yes, again, keep those peepers open.

Next?

Get OUT Of Bed!!!

Another lie I have fallen for too often…

“I can pray in bed here.”

Ye-e-a-ah, I guess. Sure.

But, come on, more often than not?

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

Followed by waking up a few hours later.

Missed it again.

Yeah, I have sleepy-soldiered with that reality many times.

I struggle to get OUT of bed. I struggle to kneel on those hardwood floors, NEXT TO the bed.

I do, however, possess a greater shot experiencing “The Secret Place.”

It is harder for me to fall asleep with my knees on the hardwood floors.

And the “posture” of kneeling creates more alertness than lying in a warm and comfortable bed.

Who would have thunk it, huh?

Another approach?

Get OUT of the BEDROOM!

This is the serious, no- nonsense strategy.

That bed, indeed, has QUITE a gravitational pull.

Change the scenery; change the room.

Often, I high-tail it into the living room.

I try to be quiet and keep the room dark, all while assuming the kneeling prayer position. It defeats the alternate room strategy to just lie on the couch and convince yourself you will pray.

You might as well go back to bed.

So, go into another room, another area, any place that is NOT the bedroom.

These are a few things I employ, with varying success; I am real here.

But they can help.

The Sleep Point?

We have talked about “The Secret Place.” We often fall short concerning it.

But all light heartedness and kidding aside, there is an important point TO it:

“Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For Salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed.”

Romans 13:11 

HE is The Point TO “The Secret Place.”

HE wants to love and give you so much.

There’s more to “The Secret Place” than a location.

It’s Him.

Let’s then, come to Him right now.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

ABBA Father-

We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Our Savior, Yahshua.

We ask for Your Help and Healing when it comes to “The Secret Place.”

We confess that we are intimidated by it.

We view it incorrectly; we fail at its importance.

Forgive us.

We have slept through it. We have neglected it in our lives.

Help us to change that.

Meet us in powerful ways in “The Secret Place.”

Speak to us. Relate to us. Love us.

Help us to rise to know and love You.

Help us to rise and shine, getting to know You better.

Thank You.

We commit to spending this time with You.

We receive it, in the Name of Yahshua.

Amen.

Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse