Ameliorate Versus Alleviate

Dec 17

Written By Sheryle Cruse

“‘For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds… Because they called you an outcast saying: ‘This is Zion; No one seeks her.’”

Jeremiah 30:17

For those of us struggling with trauma, dysfunction, addiction, and abuse, there are two “A-words” we should become more acquainted with: Ameliorate and Alleviate.

Whether we know it, they often become our coping strategies.

So, let’s take a closer look at these two words, and see how they play out in our lives.

First…

Ameliorate.

Its definition? “Make the best of.”

How many of us, in any environment or situation that is unhealthy, unsafe, dysfunctional, and chaotic, are left to, somehow, “make the best of it?”

We tolerate and endure things we should not have to put up with, all because we “have to.”

We are in an abusive family or relationship. Therefore, we enact our trauma responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, to survive the situation. We disassociate when we are abused. We retreat to our rich imaginative inner world of fantasies and characters, creating the perfect safe world, somehow, for ourselves.

We lie, hide, steal, and, run away from, and cover for the horrific behavior of someone who has power over us.

This is our attempt to meet needs, stay safe, and control what, otherwise, would be uncontrollable violence or neglect.

Many of us have had to “grow up” way too soon as children, being “parentified,” taking on responsibilities that are too much for us.

We may raise our younger siblings, pay bills, and drive a car before we are even ten years old. We keep life going.

It's a heavy toll doing so.

But we take all of this on, enduring this abuse, dysfunction, and mistreatment, because others’ lives depend on us to do so.

We imagine that if we chose not to do this, a far worse fate would occur. Lives would be lost. Families would be split up. Someone else would be abused even more horrifically than us if we didn’t “take the hit.”

The living beings we love and hold dear would be at-risk in some way.

This is burdensome for even the most healthy, capable, mature, and seasoned adult. But often, we are not operating in that realm. We are too young, or too vulnerable, or too compromised to be in the ideal place to make the best and wisest choices.

So, in this place of deficit, we simply try to do the best we can, operating within that deficit.

Not surprisingly, under the pressure and the weight to carry this out, many of us turn to the second “A-word:” Alleviate.

Alleviate, can be defined by “lessening the pain and getting relief from.”

Now we medicate. We self-medicate.

Addictions and compulsions.

We turn to anything and anyone, seemingly, trying for relief.

That’s primarily what it’s about: relief.

We want to feel better. There is too much pain going on for us: physical, mental, and emotional pain. We want a break from that way of being.

Therefore, we may deaden the pain with things like…

… a nightly bottle- or two- or five- of wine.

… smoking multiple packs of cigarettes a day… and/or a several joints…

… bingeing on a cheesecake and ice cream…and on whatever junk food we can get our hands on…

… an online spending spree, creating hundreds or thousands of dollars of credit card debt…

… seeking out unhealthy interactions and relationships with toxic people, often engaging in risky behavior, for the burst of Dopamine…

The common denominator is that we are trying to escape pain and our reality.

Relief is synonymous with escape. Numbing out.

We believe that we can alleviate what is going on.

But the reality?

We don’t.

In fact, because of our choice of “coping mechanisms,” now our problems are often compounded. Addiction, debt, destroyed relationships, and wrecked health are some of those ways things are worsened by our attempts to “alleviate” issues in our lives.

Ameliorate or Alleviate.

The two may share some commonalities when it comes to dealing with our personal pain and related issues. We do not want to deal with them.

So, we believe in and seek another answer. We will deny and medicate. There are numerous ways we can go about pursuing both.

And there are many different, often negative, outcomes of these coping strategies, no matter which one we choose: ameliorate or alleviate.

Which are we doing?

For most of us, it is usually a combination of both, isn’t it?

Ameliorate and alleviate.

We try. We cope, using less than healthy methods. We numb ourselves, and we try to give ourselves the miracle panacea.

But it just doesn’t work, despite our best efforts.

There’s a famous recovery quote:

**“The only way out is through.”**

Another “A-Word...”

Acceptance.

It’s neither a simple word, nor a simple answer. Yet it IS a necessary one, nonetheless.

Acceptance of THE TRUTH of our coping realities. We are now addicted and affected. We often have the negative outcomes to show for it.

But, more than this, it is about acceptance of ourselves.

We need to look at the totality of ourselves, warts, flaws, and all.

That involves focusing on an honest assessment of ourselves, along with self-love and self-respect.

It’s not an easy undertaking.

But to look at ourselves with brutal honesty without the accompanying love, compassion, and acceptance for us, is to only further punish ourselves indefinitely.

And that personal flogging and berating punishment WILL NOT work.

It will, instead, send us further into the destructive and unhealthy behaviors and choices.

Accepting that we DESERVE those things.

We don’t.

We need to accept something ELSE… Someone ELSE…

“‘Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.’…”

Jeremiah 3:22

And we need to decide to return.

“…‘Indeed we do come to You, For You are (Elohim) the LORD our (Most High) God.”

Jeremiah 3:22

But if we choose not to challenge and change our faulty assertions, assertions that are largely driven by mistaken thoughts like “I am not loveable” and “I am not worthy,” we are further harming ourselves.

We certainly are not helping ourselves.

Despite circumstances, choices, and addictions, we are still worth love and dignity. We deserve to not be mistreated and rejected.

Acceptance, the healthier version of it, at least, must contain truthful honesty of what these situations are.

No sugarcoating, no minimizing. No hiding. No lying.

Yes, human beings cope.

Facing the complete truth of that coping, and how it shows up for us, can help us to create healthy and better lives for ourselves.

Ameliorate Versus Alleviate

“‘For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds… Because they called you an outcast saying: ‘This is Zion; No one seeks her.’”

Jeremiah 30:17

For those of us struggling with trauma, dysfunction, addiction, and abuse, there are two “A-words” we should become more acquainted with: Ameliorate and Alleviate.

Whether we know it, they often become our coping strategies.

So, let’s take a closer look at these two words, and see how they play out in our lives.

First…

Ameliorate.

Its definition? “Make the best of.”

How many of us, in any environment or situation that is unhealthy, unsafe, dysfunctional, and chaotic, are left to, somehow, “make the best of it?”

We tolerate and endure things we should not have to put up with, all because we “have to.”

We lie, hide, steal, and, run away from, and cover for the horrific behavior of someone who has power over us.

This is our attempt to meet needs, stay safe, and control what, otherwise, would be uncontrollable violence or neglect.

Many of us have had to “grow up” way too soon as children, being “parentified,” taking on responsibilities that are too much for us.

We may raise our younger siblings, pay bills, and drive a car before we are even ten years old. We keep life going.

It's a heavy toll doing so.

But we take all of this on, enduring this abuse, dysfunction, and mistreatment, because others’ lives depend on us to do so.

We imagine that if we chose not to do this, a far worse fate would occur. Lives would be lost. Families would be split up. Someone else would be abused even more horrifically than us if we didn’t “take the hit.”

The living beings we love and hold dear would be at-risk in some way.

This is burdensome for even the most healthy, capable, mature, and seasoned adult. But often, we are not operating in that realm. We are too young, or too vulnerable, or too compromised to be in the ideal place to make the best and wisest choices.

So, in this place of deficit, we simply try to do the best we can, operating within that deficit.

Not surprisingly, under the pressure and the weight to carry this out, many of us turn to the second “A-word:” Alleviate.

Alleviate, can be defined by “lessening the pain and getting relief from.”

Now we medicate. We self-medicate.

Addictions and compulsions.

We turn to anything and anyone, seemingly, trying for relief.

That’s primarily what it’s about: relief.

We want to feel better. There is too much pain going on for us: physical, mental, and emotional pain. We want a break from that way of being.

Therefore, we may deaden the pain with things like…

… a nightly bottle- or two- or five- of wine.

… smoking multiple packs of cigarettes a day… and/or a several joints…

… bingeing on a cheesecake and ice cream…and on whatever junk food we can get our hands on…

… an online spending spree, creating hundreds or thousands of dollars of credit card debt…

… seeking out unhealthy interactions and relationships with toxic people, often engaging in risky behavior, for the burst of Dopamine…

The common denominator is that we are trying to escape pain and our reality.

Relief is synonymous with escape. Numbing out.

We believe that we can alleviate what is going on.

But the reality?

We don’t.

In fact, because of our choice of “coping mechanisms,” now our problems are often compounded. Addiction, debt, destroyed relationships, and wrecked health are some of those ways things are worsened by our attempts to “alleviate” issues in our lives.

Ameliorate or Alleviate.

The two may share some commonalities when it comes to dealing with our personal pain and related issues. We do not want to deal with them.

So, we believe in and seek another answer. We will deny and medicate. There are numerous ways we can go about pursuing both.

And there are many different, often negative, outcomes of these coping strategies, no matter which one we choose: ameliorate or alleviate.

Which are we doing?

For most of us, it is usually a combination of both, isn’t it?

Ameliorate and alleviate.

We try. We cope, using less than healthy methods. We numb ourselves, and we try to give ourselves the miracle panacea.

But it just doesn’t work, despite our best efforts.

There’s a famous recovery quote:

“The only way out is through.”

Another “A-Word...”

Acceptance.

It’s neither a simple word, nor a simple answer. Yet it IS a necessary one, nonetheless.

Acceptance of THE TRUTH of our coping realities. We are now addicted and affected. We often have the negative outcomes to show for it.

But, more than this, it is about acceptance of ourselves.

We need to look at the totality of ourselves, warts, flaws, and all.

That involves focusing on an honest assessment of ourselves, along with self-love and self-respect.

It’s not an easy undertaking.

But to look at ourselves with brutal honesty without the accompanying love, compassion, and acceptance for us, is to only further punish ourselves indefinitely.

And that personal flogging and berating punishment WILL NOT work.

It will, instead, send us further into the destructive and unhealthy behaviors and choices.

Accepting that we DESERVE those things.

We don’t.

We need to accept something ELSE… Someone ELSE…

“‘Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.’…”

Jeremiah 3:22

And we need to decide to return.

“…‘Indeed we do come to You, For You are (Elohim) the LORD our (Most High) God.”

Jeremiah 3:22

But if we choose not to challenge and change our faulty assertions, assertions that are largely driven by mistaken thoughts like “I am not loveable” and “I am not worthy,” we are further harming ourselves.

We certainly are not helping ourselves.

Despite circumstances, choices, and addictions, we are still worth love and dignity. We deserve to not be mistreated and rejected.

Acceptance, the healthier version of it, at least, must contain truthful honesty of what these situations are.

No sugarcoating, no minimizing. No hiding. No lying.

Yes, human beings cope.

Facing the complete truth of that coping, and how it shows up for us, can help us to create healthy and better lives for ourselves.

We can learn to cope differently. We can turn to Him.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

**“The only way out is through.”**