Pomp and Circumstance Message
Dear Gentlemen Graduates,
Congratulations!
You are graduating, and not just from “a class.”
Me again, Sheryle. Hiya!
You deserve honor.
I don’t know how many of you have walked through a high school or a college graduation.
Cap and gown. The famous music, “Pomp and Circumstance” playing.
This graduation is not as it seems.
Its “Pomp” is different; its “Circumstance” is also different.
Do you feel it?
I believe it will be a short matter of time before you do.
The definition of “Pomp” includes…
“a show of magnificence: splendor.”
That would be you today. You resemble your Heavenly Father. And He has a lot of magnificence and splendor to Him.
He made sure that you would know it today. Part of how He accomplishes that?
The cap of the “cap and gown.”
Now I know, you don’t see a cap; you aren’t wearing that square mortar board hat, with the swinging tassel hanging from it.
He dresses you better than that for your graduation today.
Try this on…
“You shall also be a crown of glory In the hand of (Elohim) the LORD, And a royal diadem In the hand of (The Most High) your God.”
Isaiah 62:3
What in tarnation is a diadem? I had to look it up.
Answer?
“a jeweled crown or headband worn as a symbol of sovereignty.”
Well, now, there ya go. Better than wearing a square on your head, huh?
In keeping with this diadem theme…
“For You meet him with the blessings of goodness; You set a crown of pure gold upon his head. He asked for life from You, You gave it to him, Length of days forever and ever. His glory is great through Your salvation, Splendor and majesty You place upon him. For You make him most blessed forever; You make him joyful with the joy of Your presence.”
Psalm 21:3-6
That’s what you are getting from Him today, Gentlemen.
Therefore, enjoy the “Pomp.”
Now, what about “Circumstance?”
Its definition…
“a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action. Situation. The ‘set-up.’”
Familiar with any of THAT in your life?
What have been the main circumstances discouraging you today, right now, even during this ceremony?
Maybe you are feeling a bit like the Prodigal today. Now, I know that you have probably heard a lot about The Prodigal Son.
Luke 15:11-32
It’s frequently mentioned, not only in Christendom, but also in pop culture.
You get the gist. A guy who royally blows it, squanders his inheritance, sinks to the worst of lows, and gets the brilliant idea to turn around and go back to his rich Daddy. But, because he knows the score “of his circumstances,” heavily “pork-and-rind-centric,” he is willing to reduce his standing as son/and heir and just be of lowly “barely- fit- to- live” status.
“‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’”
Luke 15:17-19
He probably even thought that he would be rejected, mocked, maybe beaten, and maybe even killed. He thought the worst “of his circumstance.”
And look what Daddy did…
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him...’”
Luke 15:22
You see, you aren’t wearing a gown for your graduation today.
That is not good enough in YOUR FATHER’S eyes.
A gown would clash with your crown.
Yep, to go with your Diadem, your crown… a ROBE.
A royal robe.
But we are not done yet…
“…and put a ring on his hand...’”
A ring signifies Authority.
“And (Yahshua) Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.’”
Matthew 28:18
A new level of authority. You are resembling Him with that today.
He gives you HIS Authority.
And there’s something else…
Your feet.
“‘…and sandals on his feet.’”
You are going somewhere new, somewhere better, IN Him.
Fellow Gentlemen Graduates,
You are going “from glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Your beginning steps that you have taken, including steps taken today, will pale in comparison to how you leave this honoring ceremony.
You have levelled up.
New Glory. Bask in it.
I am so proud of you. Look how far you have come! Look at EVERYTHING you have survived!
He is pleased with you. You could have made other choices that would not have brought you here.
But you decided to be here.
That is magnificent! That is splendor!
A chip off the old “Diademed, Glorious One” Block!
Congrats, Gentlemen Grads!
I love you all!
Your Sister, In Him.
Sheryle
(Who is snapping many photos in the spirit of you right now. They’ll go in His Scrapbook).
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Rudolph The Red-Chested Reindeer (Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
“The thief cometh not, but that he may steal, and kill, and destroy: I came that they may have life and may have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
Eight years ago, around Christmas, I underwent a course of radiation.
Therefore, the holiday season has its reminders that, at first glance, may not look “festive.”
But surviving, these years later?
That is celebratory!
Celebrate your survival of cancer and cancer treatment.
Celebrate your red, burned, Rudolph self!
(Cancerventures Book Excerpt)
“…Days nineteen and twenty were heavily skin- centric.
As I started rounding the bend in my treatment, I was getting into the holiday spirit with my radiation site. I was Rudolph, the red-chested reindeer.
It’s December. Why not, right?
A Disney Cinderella-looking blonde with enviable blue eyes, was one of the techs on site here. She told me I’m taking good care of my skin.
Furthermore, I got a little more radiation education while I was on the slab. As they each looked at my Christmas-colored chest, they mentioned, for the stage I was in, I was increasingly losing elasticity. “Cinderella,” in fact, told me she had to wipe away some of the applied Aquaphor before putting on the Bolus. If that excess was left on, I’d fry like someone getting a sunburn with just baby oil to protect themselves.
Nope. I didn’t want that.
Your Skin…
Your skin, at this twentyish day stage will probably feel extremely uncomfortable and tight. I felt like I was going to crack apart.
Day twenty-one. My radiation nurse gave me a product called Miaderm, in an itty- bitty container.
“This stuff is expensive, so remember, a little goes a long way.”
It helps soothe the cracking and peeling skin when a person reaches this stage of the dosing. It could not have come soon enough.
I was also told to stop using the Aloe Vera gel because it dries out skin. Just straight
Aquaphor and Miaderm, from here on out.
Miaderm:
I highly recommend Miaderm. Yes, it’s expensive. A large tube is $35-40.
My husband, mercifully, ordered a bottle from Amazon. It arrived before
Christmas Eve, one of the best presents I’d ever received.
This product helps by cooling and softening the skin. It was developed by radiologists for these more uncomfortable skin issues. The first time I applied it to my skin, I felt instant relief. Its softening properties helped my cracking skin seemingly mend.
I just know it worked for me and I slathered as much of it as I could…”
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Ameliorate Versus Alleviate
“‘For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds… Because they called you an outcast saying: ‘This is Zion; No one seeks her.’”
Jeremiah 30:17
For those of us struggling with trauma, dysfunction, addiction, and abuse, there are two “A-words” we should become more acquainted with: Ameliorate and Alleviate.
Whether we know it, they often become our coping strategies.
So, let’s take a closer look at these two words, and see how they play out in our lives.
First…
Ameliorate.
Its definition? “Make the best of.”
How many of us, in any environment or situation that is unhealthy, unsafe, dysfunctional, and chaotic, are left to, somehow, “make the best of it?”
We tolerate and endure things we should not have to put up with, all because we “have to.”
We are in an abusive family or relationship. Therefore, we enact our trauma responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, to survive the situation. We disassociate when we are abused. We retreat to our rich imaginative inner world of fantasies and characters, creating the perfect safe world, somehow, for ourselves.
We lie, hide, steal, and, run away from, and cover for the horrific behavior of someone who has power over us.
This is our attempt to meet needs, stay safe, and control what, otherwise, would be uncontrollable violence or neglect.
Many of us have had to “grow up” way too soon as children, being “parentified,” taking on responsibilities that are too much for us.
We may raise our younger siblings, pay bills, and drive a car before we are even ten years old. We keep life going.
It's a heavy toll doing so.
But we take all of this on, enduring this abuse, dysfunction, and mistreatment, because others’ lives depend on us to do so.
We imagine that if we chose not to do this, a far worse fate would occur. Lives would be lost. Families would be split up. Someone else would be abused even more horrifically than us if we didn’t “take the hit.”
The living beings we love and hold dear would be at-risk in some way.
This is burdensome for even the most healthy, capable, mature, and seasoned adult. But often, we are not operating in that realm. We are too young, or too vulnerable, or too compromised to be in the ideal place to make the best and wisest choices.
So, in this place of deficit, we simply try to do the best we can, operating within that deficit.
Not surprisingly, under the pressure and the weight to carry this out, many of us turn to the second “A-word:” Alleviate.
Alleviate, can be defined by “lessening the pain and getting relief from.”
Now we medicate. We self-medicate.
Addictions and compulsions.
We turn to anything and anyone, seemingly, trying for relief.
That’s primarily what it’s about: relief.
We want to feel better. There is too much pain going on for us: physical, mental, and emotional pain. We want a break from that way of being.
Therefore, we may deaden the pain with things like…
… a nightly bottle- or two- or five- of wine.
… smoking multiple packs of cigarettes a day… and/or a several joints…
… bingeing on a cheesecake and ice cream…and on whatever junk food we can get our hands on…
… an online spending spree, creating hundreds or thousands of dollars of credit card debt…
… seeking out unhealthy interactions and relationships with toxic people, often engaging in risky behavior, for the burst of Dopamine…
The common denominator is that we are trying to escape pain and our reality.
Relief is synonymous with escape. Numbing out.
We believe that we can alleviate what is going on.
But the reality?
We don’t.
In fact, because of our choice of “coping mechanisms,” now our problems are often compounded. Addiction, debt, destroyed relationships, and wrecked health are some of those ways things are worsened by our attempts to “alleviate” issues in our lives.
Ameliorate or Alleviate.
The two may share some commonalities when it comes to dealing with our personal pain and related issues. We do not want to deal with them.
So, we believe in and seek another answer. We will deny and medicate. There are numerous ways we can go about pursuing both.
And there are many different, often negative, outcomes of these coping strategies, no matter which one we choose: ameliorate or alleviate.
Which are we doing?
For most of us, it is usually a combination of both, isn’t it?
Ameliorate and alleviate.
We try. We cope, using less than healthy methods. We numb ourselves, and we try to give ourselves the miracle panacea.
But it just doesn’t work, despite our best efforts.
There’s a famous recovery quote:
“The only way out is through.”
Another “A-Word...”
Acceptance.
It’s neither a simple word, nor a simple answer. Yet it IS a necessary one, nonetheless.
Acceptance of THE TRUTH of our coping realities. We are now addicted and affected. We often have the negative outcomes to show for it.
But, more than this, it is about acceptance of ourselves.
We need to look at the totality of ourselves, warts, flaws, and all.
That involves focusing on an honest assessment of ourselves, along with self-love and self-respect.
It’s not an easy undertaking.
But to look at ourselves with brutal honesty without the accompanying love, compassion, and acceptance for us, is to only further punish ourselves indefinitely.
And that personal flogging and berating punishment WILL NOT work.
It will, instead, send us further into the destructive and unhealthy behaviors and choices.
Accepting that we DESERVE those things.
We don’t.
We need to accept something ELSE… Someone ELSE…
“‘Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.’…”
Jeremiah 3:22
And we need to decide to return.
“…‘Indeed we do come to You, For You are (Elohim) the LORD our (Most High) God.”
Jeremiah 3:22
But if we choose not to challenge and change our faulty assertions, assertions that are largely driven by mistaken thoughts like “I am not loveable” and “I am not worthy,” we are further harming ourselves.
We certainly are not helping ourselves.
Despite circumstances, choices, and addictions, we are still worth love and dignity. We deserve to not be mistreated and rejected.
Acceptance, the healthier version of it, at least, must contain truthful honesty of what these situations are.
No sugarcoating, no minimizing. No hiding. No lying.
Yes, human beings cope.
Facing the complete truth of that coping, and how it shows up for us, can help us to create healthy and better lives for ourselves.
We can learn to cope differently. We can turn to Him.
“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Cancer: One Thing Begets Another (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)
…One Thing Begets Another Thing.
Cancer.
There was also the presence of this affliction.
“…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.”
Exodus 34:7
One of my dad’s sisters died of Leukemia at twenty-five years old.
One sister died of lung cancer, due to probably being a lifelong smoker.
One sister was diagnosed with, I believe, both breast and ovarian cancer.
“The LORD (Elohim) will strike you with the boils of Egypt, with tumors...”
Deuteronomy 28:27
Did any or all of those sisters have the BRCA gene, one predominantly associated with breast and ovarian cancer?
Could that be explained because of any Ashkenazi Jewish heritage?
As much as we may know now about genes and disease, there was not that critical information piece back then in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, etcetera.
And what if the “family secret” was covered up?
“… but they could not identify their father’s house nor their lineage, whether they were of Israel.”
Nehemiah 7:61
Could anyone have any clue about increased risks for certain diseases?
Family history.
Obscuring DNA.
Obscuring life, health, and happiness.
One Thing Begets Another Thing.
“It is the glory of (YAH) God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”
Proverbs 25:2
Curse clues to my dad’s side of the family?
Was the blood speaking, foreshadowing what was occurring with me?
Was I the inheritor of curses, because of spiritual disobedience?
“Like a flitting sparrow, like a flying swallow, So a curse without cause shall not alight.”
Proverbs 26:2
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
The Three Ghosts
Charles Dickens must be represented this holiday season in the timeless “A Christmas Carol.” Numerous adaptations have been created on film and television over the years. We usually see at least one version at some point during this season.
One of the biggest elements of the story is the interplay between the miser, Ebenezer Scrooge and the three ghosts, setting up an “intervention,” for lack of a better term, with him, concerning his life choices and mistakes.
Yes, these three ghosts, representing Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future, all challenge Scrooge (and us) to examine the state of our unique, individual hearts in our daily lives. Each one of us is ultimately called to be mindful of the past, present and future, not to be overwhelmed and oppressed by any of it, but rather, to become better, more loving, more fully ourselves through revelation of our daily choices and priorities.
Yes, it’s quite a challenge. Most of us fear it and run away from it, in some way, at some point. Regrets, painful mistakes, loss and personal imperfection may make us feel that we’re only haunted and doomed to fail. It’s especially amplified and lonely this time of year, when self-reflection seems to be the name of the game.
So, which ghost is haunting you the most these days: Past, Present, or Future? Do you feel doom and gloom when you look at any one of them- or all three of them- in the context of your life?
It’s not hopeless for you. Wherever you are- in life, in issues, in pain, in recovery- The Almighty is a Spirit hovering over you right now. We need to go to Him, then, with our Truth regarding our past, our present and our future.
“(The Most High) God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship [Him] in spirit and in truth.”
John 4:24
Like Scrooge, we need to say “yes” to what The Most High’s Spirit has to teach and lead each of us. He knows all about us, about our current situation, every bit of our past, present and future circumstances:
“Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.”
Psalm 139: 7-10
We all live imperfect lives, filled with imperfect choices. The Most High knows this and loves us the entire time. Look at this season, not as a time to be condemned, but rather, like Scrooge, let this be a time of renewal, hope and reconciliation. The past, present and future, in His Hands, can be used, indeed, to bless and prosper you.
“For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
When it comes to your “three ghosts,” be blessed, not haunted. And yes, like Tiny Tim is famous for saying,
“(The Most High) God bless us all, everyone!”
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Graciousness and Realistic Expectations?
“Let all things be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40
Is it a case of either/or?
Graciousness or Realistic Expectations.
Which one?
Can both exist in an accurate way?
This is a challenge for many of us, especially if we are female.
Often, we get many mixed messages that emphasize image and people pleasing over truth and moral standards.
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
First, Be Polite (Be Gracious).
Here’s often where things start. Social conditioning.
“Be nice,” as in…
“Sugar and spice and everything nice…”
Yes, there is often a female job description: nice…polite… gracious.
The expectation tied to graciousness usually involves us being accommodating to a fault. We are encouraged to go above and beyond, to accept unacceptable treatment from others, while trying to meet a need.
There is a strong pressure many of us face as we try to be nice, sweet, and polite.
Being those things often are a disservice to us; those things are even harmful to us.
We people-please, often doing things against our will and preferences, while placing our personal well-being and health at risk.
It’s peer pressure. But it doesn’t have an expiration date to it, simply because we have grown past adolescence.
Nevertheless, it is pressure from someone else, who usually doesn’t have our best interest at heart.
What often adds further complication and pressure for us is that these people may be someone we love. A romantic relationship. Family. These are just a couple of examples.
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
Expectations: Unrealistic?
However, it is here that we find ourselves bumping into the expectation issue.
Yes, we can understand others’ expectations of us. They want to be pleased, obeyed, and prioritized.
Those expectations can strongly influence us, to our detriment.
Furthermore, these expectations don’t accurately depict what is our responsibility. We can believe that we need to take on things that are other peoples’ issues, not ours. Our unrealistic expectations, therefore, can distort what, exactly is graciousness for us… and what is not.
Next, Make Believe (Be Gracious).
This inaccurate definition and pressure of being gracious, in all its dysfunction, can, therefore, set the stage for an additional complicated element to our sense of responsibility…
We can resort to magical thinking.
This can often show up as assertions like, “If I am really kind to them, and do this thing for them, they will return the favor and be kind back to me.”
The Golden Rule.
“Do unto others…”
Expectations: Unrealistic?
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
We believe that by “doing unto others,” a/k/a, “being nice/gracious,” we can make things be how we want them to be. We just need to be “nice enough.”
That is the answer.
Sowing and reaping. Karma. Faith in “one good turn deserves another.”
We hold tight to this ideal concept.
And, while it is noble in theory, realistically, it is not honored and implemented nearly as often as it should be.
Some people do not hold this sentiment in the same high esteem as we do. Some people aren’t aware of it. Some people don’t feel any need to behave in a way that exemplifies it.
And depending how strong our sense of optimism and hope may be, we can find ourselves waiting, seemingly, indefinitely, for their reciprocity.
We may be waiting a long time, if not forever, for that to happen.
Still, even presented with this reality, how many of us respond by doubling down on the giving “nice” principle?
“Be nice-er.” (Be More Gracious).
Yep, somehow, we can decide to go still further.
Just keep trying, and trying, and then, trying some more until we’re out of breath and anemic.
There is not a limit on our efforts; we feel the pressure to “do more.”
And it’s a bottomless pit. Because we can always “be nicer,” right?
Expectations: Unrealistic?
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
But everyone has limits.
Financial, physical, legal, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits.
The unrealistic argument that appears to get lodged in our brains, however, is that we can still do more. We can still give more. We can, still “be nicer.”
More “gracious.”
A toxic component to that belief system is that we should be all those things, along with the mandate of our ability to continue with those actions.
And, yes, how many of us are still holding on to the wishful thinking that, surely, if we do more, somehow “they” will appreciate it and respond to us with the same behaviors?
They will pay us back. They will rescue us. They will be our friends with us. They will love us.
Sadly, despite that, again, being a lovely, idealistic theory, its reality can be a gamble, at best.
It may never occur to some peoples’ minds to acknowledge or to repay a kindness or a favor.
Yes, ignorance is a possibility, even while it’s not an appropriate excuse.
If someone loves us, there should be consideration of our needs, situations, and of the shared relationship with have with them.
But some people didn’t get that memo.
And then, there are some people that simply don’t care.
That’s a punch to the gut to entertain that unflattering reality.
Yet it exists, all the same.
Some people are “takers.” And that is all they are. They look for opportunities to take advantage of other people.
Some people, emotionally, mentally, and yes, financially, are not capable of returning the favors and the kindnesses extended to them in good faith.
And some of these people, furthermore, are also unwilling to do so.
More punches to the gut.
Yet, it is here where we are afforded the opportunity to respond in a healthy manner…
Finally, Reality (Be Gracious).
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
This is an ongoing lesson for many of us; we are on its spectrum.
But this is the healthier, more accurate assessment of what is really going on.
It requires our involvement, questioning their role… and our role in these circumstances.
What is the reality here?
Not what we would like it to be, hope it will turn into, or try to manipulate into being.
What is it, right now?
Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?
We need to assess the concept of expectations, within the context of graciousness.
It is not for the faint of heart.
However, if we’re brave and willing to look at these things, we can experience a healthier perspective and outcome.
We need to look at the people in our lives.
Who are they?
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
Family? Friends? Coworkers? Bosses? Some powerful institution?
The individuals who are in our lives influence proximity’s power, and any potential entitlement they presume and ask of that proximity.
What do they feel they are entitled to?
Our time? Our money? Our help? Our unconditional love?
What has led them to that conclusion?
Here is where we start looking at what kind of person they are.
Are they addicts? Users? Immature? Manipulative individuals?
Are they entitled individuals and abusers of their power?
These are some of the possible explanations to explain who we are dealing with.
But it doesn’t stop here.
Yes, they may show up as these potential things.
But why do they ask us for help or favors?
Are we convenient? Are we always there? Do we struggle with appropriate boundaries? Do we have poor self-esteem? Do we always say, “yes?” Do we feel guilty?
These are some of the questions we need to ask ourselves. And these questions, and their answers, shift the focus from them to us.
Yes, they may believe and act on certain beliefs and behaviors, but we also participate in these things, either passively or actively.
This is not about victim blaming.
Rather, it is about deeply examining the definitions and the requirements of graciousness and expectations.
What are they?
Who believes and practices what, as everyone involved deals with graciousness, and the expectations that come with that definition?
Gracious… Or Fake?
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
Does graciousness invalidate authenticity?
Not necessarily.
Graciousness and people pleasing are two different things. This can often be the first radical shift of thinking on our part.
They are not the same thing.
REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
Many of us, however, believe that they are.
Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?
We believe that we cannot be gracious without being people pleasers.
But graciousness is not solely dependent upon pleasing others. Graciousness is more about holding ourselves to a standard of quiet dignity and self-respect.
And yes, that involves compassion.
But many of us also have an inaccurate definition of compassion.
Many of us equate compassion with “doormat.”
That’s not flattering. Nevertheless, we, somehow, believe that we can never “say no.”
“Doormat.”
But we can be compassionate without being the rescuer or “the sucker.”
There’s a term: “idiot compassion.”
Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön coined this term, referring to when a person tries to help a someone who is dysfunctional, and not receptive to making lasting progress or changes. This can be, for instance, an addict who is not interested in getting help for recovery, only in getting help, via enabling of their addiction.
It’s repetitive and exhausting to help someone who is not working towards better choices.
Many of us can get stuck trying to help, trying to rescue, in these instances.
We embody “the doormat.”
We may believe that we’re being compassionate and “gracious,” but it’s not helpful. In fact, it can be harmful, especially to us.
How much time, energy, money, resources, and emotional investment do we pour into them?
We can be gracious, while possessing our boundaries and limits.
That’s part of the ongoing work we need to practice.
Likewise, knowledge of ourselves, our capacity, boundaries and limits included, also needs to be put into practice by us.
Gracious… Or Self-Knowledge?
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
Again, it’s not one or the other. Both can coexist at the same time.
We can see that there is a crisis, but is it always our job to tend to that crisis?
We are not the sole emergency person out there.
Some situations are beyond our intervention.
And that’s okay.
Their and Our Expectations: Unrealistic or Realistic?
That’s part of self-knowledge. Challenge thoughts and expectations. Not everything hinges on us.
Specialists, including paramedics, doctors, mental health experts, therapists, social workers, and addiction counselors, are all examples of other, more helpful people to turn to.
It’s not about passing the buck or shirking responsibility.
Rather, it is about accurately assessing what is gracious, and how, yes, even our graciousness can be exploited and weaponized against us.
Who else can help them if we cannot? There is someone else, besides us, out there.
Our response, underscoring that belief and behavior, is a response.
And not surprisingly, that response can be challenged by others, who were expecting something else from us.
The Gracious Response.
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
Here, we are faced with the reality of response.
Take, for example, the neutral response, maybe, complete with a displeasing no to someone’s request.
When we say this, we are calm and polite. When we say this, we also know this person is not happy with us.
Maybe they are even hostile.
They push back against our response. They expected another answer/action out of us.
If we decide, to hold to our response, and display a flat effect, we may respond by saying, “Okay.”
(We may even politely smile. But we don’t cave).
What then happens in this situation? Well, perhaps…
After the polite smile/no combo, they get more agitated and irritated.
Maybe they officially flip out.
It can often be here that they personally attack us, and name-call us. They may try guilt and intimidation, trying to change “no” to “yes.”
It’s a fun time, for sure, isn’t it?
The common theme, however, is how they do not accept our answer. They want what they want and will keep trying unpleasant and abusive tactics to get it from us.
Their opinion, because they aren’t getting what they want from us easily, is that we are NOT being “gracious.”
Furthermore, their opinion of us is that our response is not a realistic nor a healthy response of appropriate boundaries.
Instead, in their minds, we are “unreasonable.”
“Mean.”
“Unloving.”
And any epithet under the sun. Use your cuss word imagination here.
But let’s return to a reality check.
We are being gracious, even though the other person is not getting what they wanted from us.
Graciousness and being realistic, for that matter, have less to do with their response, and more to do with ours.
When we are aware of and respond accordingly, we harness not just our reaction, but our power as well.
People pleasing does not equal graciousness.
And, if we pursue that faulty definition, this people pleasing version of “graciousness” does not equal our worth and value.
Others, still, will make it their mission to convince us otherwise.
Gracious and Realistic.
What can we expect from a situation, with or without other people?
And, more importantly, perhaps, what can we expect from ourselves?
It can often come down to this statement…
“This situation is unhealthy-insane-disordered. Results may vary.”
Can we honestly look at, question, and answer what are those unhealthy-insane-disordered factors?
Can we see that these conditions are not, therefore, the final authority on graciousness and realistic expectations?
The Most High Is.
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:5-6
More to the point, it is not our responsibility to fulfill these unhealthy, insane, and disordered expectations.
That’s the realistic take we need to embrace.
“Let all things be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Tatted and Burned
Hello, Gentlemen.
It’s me again, Sheryle.
I have received, I believe, another message. The Most High willing, I will pass this onto you.
You and I have something in common, as unlikely as that may be to believe.
So, before we get into it, this is a TMI- “Too Much Information”- warning about me.
Part of what led me to touch base with you again is the holiday season, and how it intersects with my breast cancer diagnosis.
Eight Christmases ago, I was undergoing a course of radiation. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, had a double mastectomy that October, and then, six weeks later, went through a six-week round of radiation.
Yes, double mastectomy, Gentlemen. My tatas are gone. I am officially an ironing board now.
Anyway, to prepare for radiation, I needed to get tattoos.
Not one of those exciting peacock tattoos, draped across my back. Not one of those full-on sleeves, like those the Yakuza gang gets.
Nope.
These tattoos looked like the black beauty mark on Marilyn Monroe’s face. I was tatted with three tiny black dots, in triangle form. This arrangement helped the radiation target my chest area, ensuring the best shot of eradicating any leftover cancer cells.
I had to be marked. I had to “get inked.”
Tatts were necessary. A matter of life and death.
Like your tattoo history has, perhaps, meant matters of life and death for you throughout your life.
Getting these tiny dot tatts summoned the next phase of my preparation/ healing: the burning from radiation.
Six weeks, day after day of getting increasingly burned, again, to wipe out cancer cells.
Because of the timing of my radiation, December, I was very much Rudolph, the Red-Chested Reindeer.
Christmas red. Festive.
Anyway, you may be eye rolling and asking, “What does any of this have to do with me?”
Tatted and burned. You are too.
And He, The Most High, is working in and through all of it.
Scripture puts it this way…
“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.”
Isaiah 49:16
Different translations of this scripture use words like, “engraved,” “etched,” and yeah, even, “tattooed.”
I know that there can be a stigma about tattoos from the Christian world. You have probably been made to feel less-than, disqualified, and maybe even like the scum of the earth, largely because of your appearance.
To that, I offer…
“‘…(Elohim) the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but (Elohim) the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7
And…
“The traditions of man make the Word of The Most High to no effect.”
Mark 7:13
To me, that signifies that Our Savior and Our Father (for they both are “One,” according to John 10:30) have decided to override man’s silly, judgy, and pointless opinions, opting instead, to qualify you, my Tatted/Marked One, for His Power and Glory.
He uses whomever He chooses. He qualifies them without anyone else’s permission.
“There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless (Elohim) the LORD’s counsel—that will stand.”
Proverbs 19:21
His Plans will stand.
Not any uptight, hypocritical, judgy, or stupid person’s opinions or plans.
HIS Plans!
You are exactly who you are supposed to be. You look like you are supposed to look, tatts included.
“…‘You are My servant. I have chosen you and have not cast you away.”
Isaiah 41:9
Now, about the burning…
Since you are chosen, handpicked, and marked up by His Holy Autoclave, you are prepped for the burning of His refining fire…
“For My Name’s Sake I will defer My anger, And for My Praise I will restrain it from you, So that I do not cut you off. Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My Own Sake, for My Own Sake, I will do it; For how should My name be profaned? And I will not give My glory to another.”
Isaiah 48:9-11
For HIS Name’s Sake? For HIS Praise?
You’re not going to be cut off.
Furnace of affliction (You are BURNED, through your life experiences)! You’re going to be precious metal!
Want some more proof?
“I will bring the one-third through the fire, Will refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My Name, And I will answer them. I will say, ‘This is My people’; And each one will say, ‘(Elohim) The LORD is my God (The Most High).’ ”
Zechariah 13:9
“Each one’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each one’s work.”
1 Corinthians 3:13
Gentlemen, you are officially in your tatted and burned, Divine Purpose process.
Again, His Plans will stand. He has MARKED you.
Go with the marking then, not against it!
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you… thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
So, Gentlemen, This is your moment. You have the tatts, the scars, and the lives on fire, in numerous personal ways.
Get closer to Him then.
You’re already His MARKED ONE, tattoo, or no tattoo.
He told you as well that your walls- your prison walls- are always before Him (Isaiah 49:16).
He sees you.
You cannot get away from Him.
His Glory, through you, is in the works now.
Just get closer to Him.
He loves you. He’s closer than the skin over your bones.
I hope to pipe in, again, The Most High willing, and be the mosquito cheerleader that is part of my personality.
I don’t know if this will be a “thing” The Most High is doing. I hope it is.
He has put you all on my radar screen. I love you.
Blessings to every single one of you! Merry Christmas!
Love,
Sheryle (You can call me Rudolph, in keeping with the holiday spirit)
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Gentlemen
Hello, Gentlemen.
You don’t know me. My name is Sheryle.
I have a message for you. I pray that it blesses you.
I call you Gentlemen, because, perhaps, many of you have never been called that before in your life, especially from any female loved one in your life.
The Most High woke me early on last Friday morning, shedding a love for the entire room of you men. It was strange. I have not met or seen any of you. But He strongly impressed upon me that He is calling you to be Gentlemen.
Yeah, you may think this message is strange. Maybe you think I’m crazy.
A little bit about me?
I am familiar with violence.
So, gentleness was foreign to me.
As it may be to you.
Gentlemen?
You may be talking yourself out of that right now. How could you be a gentleman?
Well, let’s tackle a few lies you might be believing.
“I can’t be a gentleman. I have done too many violent things.”
“‘I worked hard and killed men and women who believed as I believe today. I put them in chains and sent them to prison. The head religious leader and the leaders of the people can tell you this is true. I got letters from them to take to our Jewish brothers in the city of Damascus. I was going there to put the Christians in chains and bring them to Jerusalem where they would be beaten.’”
Acts 22:4-5
You may not think of Paul as a Gentleman.
Okay. Well, how about a transformed man? Transformed by the gentle love of Our Savior?”
“‘Behold, I am the LORD, (The Most High) God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?’”
Jeremiah 32:27
Next lie/argument against being a Gentleman?
“I am not a Gentleman. They are smart. I’m not smart enough.”
“For ‘who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?’ But we have the mind of (Ha-Mashiach) Christ.”
1 Corinthians 2:16
“The Anointed One and His Anointing.”
That’s the kind of mind you have. Gentlemen have that mind. Not dullards.
How about this argument?
“I am not a Gentleman. They’re weak. I don’t want to be weak.”
“And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him, and said to him, ‘The LORD is with you, you Mighty Man of Valor!’”
Judges 6:12
Some definitions of the word, “valor?”
Bravery, courage, guts, and heroism.
Also known as being a “gentleman.”
Care to try any of those on for size?
You have already been through many things in your lives that forced you to have courage…to survive.
Again, we can play a game with words. It’s about unlearning the wrong definitions of who we are. We are who He calls us. Anyone else’s definition collapses under the weight of His decree.
He wants you to unlearn the wrong identity of who you are. He wants you to learn how He sees you.
And that leads me to another argument you may have.
“I can’t be a gentleman. I’m not gentle.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
Our Savior is directly telling us He is gentle (verse 29).
He wants to impart His gentle healing to you right now.
He wants you. He needs you. He sees you. He loves you.
He invites you to follow Him right now.
So, how about it?
Gentlemen, start your engines?
Come to Him.
By now you may think I really am crazy.
I’m a woman who has experienced a lot of traumas. I’m learning how to be healed, from Him.
Right now. Most of it is far from pretty.
But He seems to be loving me, even with the “Chick,” “Broad,” and “Homegirl” aspects to me that are rough and sometimes, ridiculously embarrassing.
Please know, even if we never meet, I am someone who believes that each of you is a worthy gentleman. Because He decided so.
“Glory to (The Most High) God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”
Luke 2:14
That’s you, Gentle Man. His Favor rests on you now.
A different Christmas message maybe.
But one that I believe He wants you all to have.
Be blessed and favored, dear Gentlemen.
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous 2026!
Love,
Your Sister, In Him.
Sheryle
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Incongruities Prayer (IF You Know? Book Excerpt)
ABBA FATHER,
We come to You, in the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
You know we are having difficulty seeing You, the True You.
You know what incongruities and unusual circumstances we have come from.
You know the physical features that have us questioning our lives.
We have been lied to, even by our own family.
There may be something that no one talks about. Yet, we hear shame, secrecy, and pain loudly in our lives.
Help us to detangle and heal from all deceit, especially concerning You.
Our identity, yes, needs healing.
But we need Your Healing To help us See YOU clearly.
Forgive us for not seeking and prioritizing You, “in Spirit and in Truth.”
Help us to start doing that, from this point on.
Thank You.
In Yahshua’s Name, we pray.
Amen.
“Teach me thy way… I will walk in Thy Truth: unite my heart to fear Thy Name.”
Psalm 86:11
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
The Case For Attunement.
“Here’s looking at you, Kid.”
“Casablanca”
What look is looking back at you and me? And how has that look impacted our lives?
As a child abuse survivor, I know that a look is not just a look. It can signal things beyond love, like hate, rejection, and violence.
And a look can have everything to do with attunement… or the lack thereof.
“(Elohim) The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
Attunement… or a world of harsh?
Attunement can be defined as being receptive to or aware of another person. It’s about the present connection, person- to- person. It is recognition and validation.
And it is largely accomplished through facial interaction.
Who is looking at us, and how are they looking at us?
For many of us, this is a distorted reality.
Often, we get these kinds of facial experiences instead.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
The Missing Face…
Sometimes, attunement is missing in action. The person’s face is just not there.
“Their” face does not connect with us in the much-needed loving, healthy, and meaningful ways.
“Nature abhors a vacuum.”
Aristotle
Because of the abusive dynamic within my own family of origin, as a child, I often drew primitive faces on the wall next to my crib.
Was I reacting to a face vacuum?
Whose face was MIA?
My dad’s? My mom’s?
The answer to those questions is “yes, both.”
But it’s more complicated than that.
My dad was largely the obvious missing face, even while he resided in the home. He didn’t look at me much.
He was MIA while being there.
There are numerous reasons for the absence of someone’s face. Death, divorce, and abandonment can physically remove someone from us.
But things like a parent’s job, abuse, addiction, and dysfunction also play a role in being “missing.” These people are just not there.
The experience of the missing person’s face still haunts us, nonetheless. They can represent a ghost, a legend, a myth, and a villain to us, because of their absence.
But their facial presence is still sorely missed. We can, therefore, spend our lives trying to seek out their absent faces, either by continuing to seek them directly, or substituting them with another “surrogate’s” face.
But it is still devastating to know the original face will not look at us.
It’s not our fault. It’s beyond anything we did or did not do. They didn’t and don’t have the ability and/or the willingness to attune to us. We deserved their attunement.
Nevertheless, we must accept that their face and their attunement in our lives will not happen.
Sometimes, the distorted face we experience is that of the chaotic, unpredictable kind…
“Since you were precious in my sight… I have loved you…”
Isaiah 43:4
The Distracted Face…
This is often the byproduct of abuse and dysfunction. It comes through instability and inconsistency.
We can’t count on it. Sometimes, there’s a face; sometimes, there isn’t. Despite our needs.
The message?
“I am not safe; I am not important. No one is paying attention to me in a reliable way.”
Now, if we experience this distracted face as a baby or as a child, we don’t have sophisticated language to understand what’s going on. We often just feel fear, rejection, and high stress.
Studies have been done on mothers and their babies, focusing on the impact of a mother’s facial expression with her child. Mothers, especially, are regarded as our first mirror, reflecting the state of our surroundings.
In these mother/child face studies, a smiling, present face, with locking eye contact, promotes the baby’s relaxed sense of well- being. The baby smiles, mirroring its mother’s smile.
However, when the mother is asked to avoid eye contact and connection, refusing to look at her child, the baby starts showing signs of upset and stress. Often, the baby reaches out and cries, desperately wanting to get the mother to look at them again.
If the mother reconnects and smiles, often, a relaxed smile returns to the baby’s face.
Order has been restored. All is well again.
What cues was I picking up, as my mother was the abused wife of my dad’s?
Through abuse, how were my parents distracted in their facial communication?
Oversimplifying my dad, he was more interested in his job than he was in me. I don’t think my dad saw spending time with his child as valid and profitable.
He didn’t invest in me.
He provided, financially, and that was about it.
Things were more straightforward regarding my dad’s missing or distracted face. I wasn’t worth it. His face was better spent elsewhere. So, that’s where he went.
At the most, I got his frustrated, disapproving, or angry face.
But, with my mother, there were more confusing layers to her missing and/or distracted face.
Was it because of post-partum depression that went undiagnosed and NOT dealt with in a caring way?
I believe that, yes, that was part of the answer. There wasn’t much known, nor discussed, at the time. There was little-to-no empathy for the multifaceted challenges that came with that motherhood experience.
And then, you add marital abuse?
Yeah, I was not going to get my mother’s focused, loving, and present face.
Mom’s priority and focus were not about attunement with me. Rather, it was about keeping the peace and keeping my dad’s abuse at bay.
The overarching message here?
“Attention needed to be paid toward averting danger and threat. That was the priority, not attuning to me. “
Emotions were not regulated, nor were they deemed acceptable. Sadness, tears, and any unhappiness were forbidden.
And, certainly, at the top of the forbidden feelings and facial expression list…
Anger.
Therefore, cue more of a repetition of this face…
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”
John 15:12
The Cruel Face…
Anyone can look angry from time to time.
The cruel face, however, is different. It is more sinister, more threatening, and more intentional.
It is the harmful look of abuse. It glares at us through violent, intimidating, and violating facial expressions, ranging from that of a mocking superior smirk, to that of the malicious face of a predator.
It certainly is not the face of love and kindness.
The obvious cruel face was that of my dad’s. He was an emotionally immature, raging abuser.
His face matched that.
I feared my dad, face and all. But I could count on his cruelty, through his obvious, loud raging sessions.
I couldn’t say the same about my mother’s cruel face.
Mom’s threatening face was covert.
Hidden. Subtle. Sneaky. Camouflaged. More unpredictable.
And passive aggressive.
Hence…
The “Spank Spoon...”
“Love is patient…”
1 Corinthians 13:4
Deferred attunement to a kitchen utensil?
Yes, Sirree Bob. It was about keeping my obedience. Not for my benefit, but for the abusive system’s benefit.
When I was a child, if I was acting in a way that was displeasing to her, I would hear the kitchen drawer slide open, to reveal a large wooden spoon. There was an angry inanimate face drawn on it; it was black marker lightning bolt eyebrows, over black slits for eyes, and a mouth of jagged teeth, threatening to bite me. It was scary. I was terrified.
And that was the point.
After all, most four- or five-year-old children would be frightened. The facial expression was clear. It conveyed “you’re in trouble.”
This “Spank Spoon” was her menacing henchman. “The Enforcer” was there to do her dirty work.
Mom would pull this utensil out of the drawer, with much ominous drama. She’d often have a smirk on her face, as the spoon swayed back and forth in her hand.
“You’d better behave or else.”
Furthermore, the utensil also taught me her necessary message: “you will fear me.”
It’s still cruelty. To those who have a similar mindset to that of my mother’s, there can exist, perhaps, this thought:
“The only face I want my child to see is a scary face. They are easier to control that way.”
It was quite an effective tactic during my formative years. Its cruelty included the more complicated, anxious element that was the threat of a threat.
This threat of the threat, however, was never quite carried out.
It was the confusion about never quite knowing for sure where one stood with consequences and punishment. But the threat was present, all the same.
There’s sadism added to the cruel face.
The smirk. The unsafe facial expression of someone who has power over you, and fully intends on abusing it, for their purposes.
The Cruel Face is the look of DELIGHT in someone’s terror. The priority is not attunement, but the adult’s concept of power, control, and domination.
These things, often, can translate into the dysfunctional adult’s warped sense of self.
And yes, we, as children, can pick up on that with our antennas.
We know that we are not loved, valued, and looked after.
We know that there is something more untrustworthy and unsafe at work.
We know that the person is only interested in being all-powerful, often, at our expense.
We know we are collateral damage, sacrificed to that end.
All these Faces are Distorted Faces.
“We love Him, because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
They all are opposed to attunement.
Sweet faces looking at us that signal love was what we should have received.
The sweet face attuning to us is without guile, agenda, harm, or evil. The sweet face loves, nurtures, affirms, and protects.
This is what it should be.
Many of us, however, have not experienced this face.
And how many of us have been manipulated by a false “sweet face?”
I see a bunch of hands in the air.
When it comes to the sweet attunement face, often, confusion and agendas are present.
So, what are we to do with that? Sink into despair?
Well, there is another option.
We become our own mirror.
Mirror, Mirror…How to reapply “The Face…”
“As in water face reflects face, So a man’s heart reveals the man.”
Proverbs 27:19
Mirror work.
This often-used therapy technique involves us positively affirming ourselves by looking into a mirror, and communicating, not only loving words, but the matching loving facial expression.
So, we display a smile, a look of sensitivity, acceptance, gentleness, and compassion.
Now is our chance to lovingly look at ourselves this way.
Can we attune to ourselves?
Can our faces be the antidote to the missing, the distracted, and the cruel faces we have encountered?
It can be scary and awkward. Yet, mirror work can apply to each distorted face we encountered.
Regarding “The Missing Face…”
We need to start with the basics.
Look.
We need to look at ourselves. Show up.
A no-brainer?
Well, how many of us spend the least amount of time we can in front of our own reflection?
How many of us have learned we also need to abandon ourselves?
Since no one else is looking at us, why should we?
We don’t like what we think we see looking back at us. “Something” is usually “wrong” with us.
But that “something” is usually taught to us by “someone else.”
We need to look at ourselves. We need our present face.
We need to see ourselves, no matter who else went missing.
Our Mirror for “The Distracted Face…”
Now that we see our faces, we must not look away again.
We need to linger. Don’t rush.
It’s easier said than done.
It’s a hard and painful act to continue to look at ourselves.
To look at ourselves with love, without harm and abuse, to make that decision and that commitment?
We typically don’t know what’s that like.
Instead, we are used to someone in our lives deeming someone or something else as for important than us.
Sometimes, that person might be there. And sometimes, they prioritize another person or thing, like their job or their addiction.
The devastating, rejecting impact of that distracted message often has us deciding that we are not worth our own focused gaze.
So, it can be hard work to stay put in front of the mirror, looking at and affirming ourselves. We can choose to resist the urge to look away, to become distracted with anything else we tend to see as “more important.”
But we can work to see that our own gaze and self-acceptance is, indeed, of the utmost importance.
It doesn’t come quickly, easily, or regularly.
Like most things in life, it takes practice.
The Cruel Face:
And likewise, kindness also takes practice.
Smile. Show kind eyes and compassion, not judgment.
Many of us have only seen angry, abusive, scowling, and mocking faces. Therefore, we internalize those faces, and they unconsciously become our view of ourselves. We can pick at every “flaw.” This applies to our physical traits, but it goes deeper than that. It involves our personality traits. It becomes a free-for-all attack on the essence of who we are.
And of course, our self-harm goes with us wherever we go. It doesn’t just stay in the mirror.
So how do we look at ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and love?
What if we just can’t mirror kindness towards ourselves?
Again, we are back at “do-it-yourself.”
Yes, this is difficult. But finding a separate kind face elsewhere, to mimic in our own faces, can start the process of our self-acceptance in our mirror work.
What does a sweet face look like?
Can we mimic our version of that face?
I found a loving, kind facial expression in an inanimate kitten figurine.
This figurine had large blue eyes, sitting under tiny, delicate eyebrows (just like real kittens possess, I know). And, likewise, there was also a tiny pink, delicate nose and small mouth, painted in a slight smile.
In my opinion, it was the sweet attunement look.
You may not have a cute kitten figurine like I did. There are, however, numerous examples out there of the sweet, attuned face. We can look up baby animal faces. We can even do an internet search, typing, “Loving faces/loving facial expressions.”
Usually, we discover numerous examples of kind eyes and gentle faces.
Perhaps, we could also put our spin on the dreadful wooden spoon. What if we change it from the “spank spoon” to that of the “Kind spoon?”
Maybe we could paste a photo of a soft smiling face on the wooden spoon.
Whether it is searching for internet images or altering a kitchen utensil, we can access our kind face through mirror work. These examples can be the starting point.
From there, we can practice an approving and loving facial expression at our own reflection.
The goal to strive for is that we become our mirror image. We look at ourselves kindly.
The goal, as ambitious as it sounds, is that we self-attune.
Attunement: We connect with ourselves and to Him.
“(Elohim) The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”
Jeremiah 31:3
Other peoples’ faces will come and go. Other faces will disappoint and fail us.
But our faces, even being imperfect and subject to failures, still stay with us lifelong.
How much more The Most High?
“I will mention the lovingkindnesses of (Elohim) the LORD, and the praises of (Elohim) the LORD, according to all that (Elohim) the LORD hath bestowed on us, and the great goodness toward the house of Israel, which He hath bestowed on them according to His mercies, and according to the multitude of His lovingkindnesses.”
Isaiah 63:7
Therefore, our faces need to be attuned to Him.
He is lovingly looking at us right now.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Zapped! (Book Excerpt from Cancerventures)
“My times are in Your hand...”
Psalm 31:15
Eight years ago, I underwent radiation. This is the start of that tale.
…(Before you undergo radiation, you will need stuff).
Radiation Get List:
A large tote bag, as there will be no Sherpa to help you lug your stuff around.
Any device which streams Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, etcetera, for all your waiting and distraction needs. (“Hubby” bought a Kindle Fire for me and it has been a sanity saver. I’ve watched a lot of bad television, cute animal videos and documentaries on it).
Aquaphor and Aloe Vera Gel, to keep your skin from bursting into flames.
Miaderm-especially when your skin starts tightening and cracking. (This product is a
Godsend).
Ice packs (again, for when your skin feels like it’s on fire).
Large soft cotton button- down shirts, because you will have difficulty putting things on and taking them off over your head.
Large, disposable T-shirts (because the Aquaphor and Aloe Vera goop will make your clothes greasy). Don’t wear anything silk when you’re this slimy!
Leggings and comfy clothes for radiation- comfort. (If you want to wear ballgowns and tiaras, that’s your business. But soft, lounge attire, verging on pajamas, is what is needed).
Alright, let’s get irradiated.
To me, this treatment was the lesser of some of the other evils from which to choose.
Nope, there weren’t a lot of great options out there.
Nevertheless, I embarked upon this experience and hoped I wouldn’t regret doing so.
First radiation business to tackle? Getting precisely measured. Elecktra, a British medical company that manufactures these machines, would do the honors.
I arrived at the clinic on a November day, and was greeted by Joani,* a petite nurse with light brown hair, soon approaching her maternity leave. She walked me back to the Cancer Care inner sanctum. I was in a dimly lit room with a slab-looking table and a giant machine hovering over it.
“That’s not what they’ll use for your radiation; this is an MRI. It just mimics the machine, getting the measurements we need.”
She then informed me, “We’re going to need to make three black dot tattoos, so we can accurately align you for each treatment. Or we can place these clear stickers on you. We just ask you don’t disturb them; they need to stay on. Please don’t scrub when you’re in the shower.”
Trying not to freak out, I opted to try the stickers because I hated needles.
She briefly left the room so I could disrobe and put on that clinic gown again. Because this was earlier in the morning, I had nice fresh Neosporin stain on my button-down shirt. Terrific. It’s a challenge to be stylish when you ooze on and stain things.
When she popped back into the room, she carefully placed the stickers in a weird triangle pattern. One was right above my right chest area, about four inches below my collarbone. The other two were just under the bra line, on both my right and left sides.
“I need to take some pictures, to make things easier to measure.” She grabbed her camera and clicked a headshot of me, against the wall. I then was told to get on the slab, (I’m sorry, that’s just what it reminds me of).
I told her about my concerns with the right side of my scar. It still looked like things hadn’t fully closed and I had to apply Neosporin and a lone bandage daily to it.
And then, she slowly peeled my bandage, “Wow, these are great. They come off easily.
Where’d you get them?”
“Oh, just at Walgreens, CVS, any place where you get bandages.”
Scintillating conversation.
From there, she had me raise my arms over my head. I was trying to make mobility progress with my breast surgery exercises and hoped I could endure being in this position.
Everything was tightly stretched, but I managed.
I grabbed the bars within my reach. Joani took more photos of me. As she and another tech kept circling me, I’d hear them saying, “Don’t move” and “I’m sorry” as they prodded and contorted my body into their ideal shape. This went on for about ten minutes. Already, I started experiencing a needles and pins sensation in my right arm and hand.
“Can I shake my hand?”
(In unison), “No.”
I tried to loosen my grip on those bars, but it didn’t help.
It was like Disney’s “Bambi.” You know, the scene with the birds being hunted and they freak out hiding in the brush. One poor bird, who, made the fatal mistake of panicking and flying into the hunters’ range, declared, “I can’t take it anymore!”
Yeah, I was feeling like that.
So, everyone in the room spent time and effort positioning and measuring me. I’d hear the occasional camera click. I stared at the waterfall image on the ceiling tile above me. As Joani hovered, attempting to line up my plastic-covered dots, I sensed her frustration.
Finally, Dr. B. entered the room, telling me, “We’d rather go with the tattoos; the stickers are just not staying on well and they’re not giving us an accurate reading. If you continued to go with them, it’d take much longer every radiation session.”
“Fine, tattoo me.”
I was pricked in two spots under my bra line. Joani then tried for the right-sided area, below my collarbone. That whole area was still too sensitive and, after a couple of attempts at the spot, and a couple of my ouch responses, she gave up. The plastic sticker went back on.
So, freshly tattooed, I stared at the waterfall ceiling tile as they connected the dots. The machine whirred and I glided into the tunnel. I heard clangs, the motor humming, and, in general, unfamiliar noise. I glided out of the tunnel.
Ta-dah.
Finally finished, I could get dressed, handing me my bandage to reapply. I was then given my own Elecktra card to scan into the clinic’s system when I arrived each day. It’d let the radiation crew know, yep, I’m a-ready for zapping.
That’s enough fun for today…”
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
My Radiation Nurse
“That which has been is what will be, That which is done is what will be done, And there is nothing new under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 1:9
With Tonya, the radiation R.N., my first impression was a Snow White/Mary Tyler Moore hybrid. She was a beautiful brunette, possessing a girl next door vibe, complete with swinging shoulder length hair.
Yes, she was exactly the person you want in the health care field: a people person, upbeat, a social butterfly. From day one of meeting her, indeed, I saw her fluttering. She had these wonderful, draped long cardigans that gave her the appearance of gliding down the Cancer Care hallways. She is a glider, I guess.
(On her staff bio, she mentions she has bungee jumped from the world’s highest bungee bridge in South Africa. She probably glided there too).
But mainly, through all of my radiation adventures, she has answered my plethora of questions (I am the Question Queen). She did the occasional skin check, just to ascertain how fire- engine red I was at various points during my thirty sessions. She was all hugs, warm laundry and reassuring, “No, Sheryle, you’re not dying this second.” You cannot imagine how helpful this was to hear that reassurance at this insecure time.
As I burned, itched, and peeled, she was there, soothing voice, telling me how “normal” this was.
And then, there was the matter of my chin. Yes, you heard me correctly.
At the tail end of my radiation, I woke up to a belated Christmas present: a black mark on my chin.
What?
Every weird thing was getting my attention now, post-diagnosis.
What’s next? Five extra toes? A second head?
It appeared to pop up overnight. And no, it was not a mole. Those are dark brown. This sucker was jet black and noticeable even with makeup covering it.
After several unsuccessful attempts at scrubbing my face, I called Tonya. Perhaps, this was some stray radiation spray. I thought I was out of range to be hit though. We were targeting the right side of my chest.
She seemed unconcerned. Meanwhile, I’m wondering if this thing was going to spread further; I still had some radiation sessions to go. I envisioned my mug looking like Mike Tyson’s face tattoo- not a great look for me.
She offered to examine it when I came in later that day. Upon closer inspection, she remarked how she didn’t see it unless and until I pointed it out to her.
Calmly (because the woman is serenity), she mentioned how, once again, your favorite and mine, stress could change the pigment of the skin. So… black spots.
(I have just about had it with the wackadoodle things stress can cause).
She, once again, assured me I was not going to die, nor grow my own organic face tattoo. “In time,” she added, “it will fade.”
And yes, it has, although I still see a faint trace. Souvenir, I suppose.
Tonya has been a constant reassurance to my fussiness. She will insist she’s just “doing her job” here. But come on. After pesky, “the sky is falling” question after question from me, even that old sentiment wears mighty thin. Tonya is that reassurance; she is innate understanding.
And apparently, a great bungee jumper too.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Cinnamon Roll
“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 18:6
When I was a Girl Scout, one of the activities we engaged in was something called “The Cinnamon Roll.”
In today’s language, I suppose, it could be considered “team building” or “morale boosting.”
My Girl Scout troop would designate one girl to be “the center” of “The Cinamon Roll.”
“She” would stand and clasp hands with another Girl Scout, who would grab another’s hand, on and on, until the entire troop, holding hands, stretched out the length of the room.
Then, the last girl would start “The Cinnamon Roll…” rolling.
She would move in on “the center” girl, and all subsequent scouts, holding hands, would gradually coil themselves around her.
The activity was not “complete” until the entire Girl Scout Troop had engulfed her. She felt the enclosing “hug,” being the center of the human cinnamon roll.
Each time we participated in this activity, there was always so much laughter. Sometimes, squeals.
And “the center,” while slightly squished, felt the warmth and the human contact of the Girl Scouts wrapped around her.
I’ve often thought about “The Cinnamon Roll” as life has rolled on.
I think about it, complicated, often viewing it through the lens of my abuse history.
I have suffered abuse, mostly from childhood. Emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual, and financial abuse have all been a part of my childhood experiences.
And there is yet another form of abuse that is not as widely discussed.
But it is widely, painfully felt: neglect.
Neglect IS abuse.
Neglect goes beyond not meeting food, clothing, or shelter needs. Yes, that is a part of it.
But Neglect covers the absence of loving, invested parenting and/or nurturing.
Neglect involves when someone does not have the ability to meet needs: the emotional, financial, spiritual, mental, or the personal needs of another person, like a child.
He/she doesn’t “know how to be a parent.”
He/she doesn’t “know how to love.”
You and I are familiar with that cliché. We have often heard the words, uttered as excuses, perhaps minimizing the impact on us.
That is painful.
We are in pain.
But there is another aspect to Neglect, within the abuse realm.
Yes, someone may not know how to show love or be a parent.
But what if they DO?
What if someone knows how to love, how to nurture, how to be a parent, but they are just unwilling to do it?
“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then (Elohim) the LORD will take care of me.”
Psalm 27:10
That is Neglect. And it’s painful.
It’s painful because the message, perhaps, is this: “other people deserve this, but you don’t.”
Preferential treatment.
Physical Touch…
“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”
Psalm 105:15
Physical abuse is typically defined as harmful touch on the human body. The abuse causes broken bones, bruises, and bleeding, in its most obvious and severe forms.
Many of us experience that.
However, there is another kind of harmful physical touch: the absence of loving physical touch. Again, The Neglect.
Yes, it’s devastating when we are hit with a fist, slapped. It is devastating with we are overpowered, for instance, as children, by adults who cause physical harm in a myriad of ways. They are bigger and stronger than the child; they can use force to execute their plans and demands.
But how many of us… need a hug?
How many of us... are DENIED that hug?
We can be children; we can be adults. The need is still there, no matter our age
“Failure To Thrive…”
This phrase is often uttered regarding babies who just are not responding and growing as they should.
They are listless. They lose weight instead of gaining weight. They don’t “meet developmental targets.”
“Failure To Thrive.”
“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”
Psalm 105:15
I think it was around the time of 1990 when there was news coverage of Russian babies in orphanages. Footage of numerous cribs, containing baby after baby, displayed this “failure to thrive.”
Indeed, some children were listless, just staring into space.
Others were rocking back and forth, sometimes violently, out of compulsion.
Still other babies could not- or would not- make eye contact with any human being around them.
Journalists wrote stories on these orphans, even noting the heartbreaking realities when, upon some of their adoptions, they displayed severe attachment issues, and even struck their caregivers.
In… anger? In… frustration?
These poor children did not respond well to physical touch. They screamed. They went limp. They hit the person trying to do the hugging.
Why was that?
Simple answer?
Neglect.
These poor children only knew neglect as normal. They didn’t recognize loving human physical contact as normal.
And that goes beyond Russian orphans. It is human vulnerability. And we can all be subject to it.
Forsaken…
“…‘(Elohim)The LORD has forsaken me. And my (Elohim) Lord has forgotten me.’”
Isaiah 49:14
Feelings of being forsaken are part of Neglect.
Again, it’s the message conveyed to us: “You are not important enough to take care of.”
As a child. As an adult.
“Not important enough.”
Forsaken.
This is abusive. It’s harmful. And it involves the harmful aspect of touch.
Therefore…
“…‘Do not touch My anointed ones. And do My prophets no harm.’”
Psalm 105:15
It is rejection when we experience someone withholding love and affection from us.
It can be subtle. It can be obvious.
It is painful.
Physical touch is a human need.
Therefore, to be on the receiving end of a message like “I’m not going to meet this need for you” can be devastating.
Devastation involves someone’s willful choice to deny us our need for love, nurturing, protection, and provision.
And that’s yet another unmet need.
Our soul cries out.
He is Our Cinnamon Roll...
The Most High, Our Father, hears that cry.
“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then (Elohim) the LORD will take care of me.”
Psalm 27:10
He holds us; He touches us…
“‘Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your (YAH) God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”
Isaiah 41:10
He wants each of us to experience and feel that right now.
“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3
Neglect is a painful part of so many of our lives.
But He desires to surround us with His Love.
He never neglects.
Let’s pray.
ABBA-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Our Savior, Yahshua.
We need Your help when it comes to matters of touch and neglect.
You know fully how we have been hurt by these issues.
You know how we have been neglected by others, including family and “loved ones.”
We ask that You hold us lovingly right now. Help us to feel and experience Your Loving, Healing Touch.
Heal us of all neglect and the pain associated with it.
Thank you for always loving and holding us, in Your Mercy.
Forgive us of our sins, including neglect of You.
Help us to know, to love, and to connect with You.
We thank You and receive it all, In Yahshua’s Name.
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Tiny Tim’s Crutch
This time of year, it’s impossible to avoid the literature classic, “A Christmas Carol.” Charles Dickens shows us Ebenezer Scrooge’s introspective redemption process, courtesy of three strategic ghosts who stage a much needed intervention.
And a major character involved in that intervention is that of Tiny Tim, the lame child of Bob Cratchit, Scrooge’s clerk.
In a conversation between Ebenezer and the one of the Ghosts, we are confronted with consequence- and mortality:
Ghost of Christmas Present: “…I see a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, the child will die.”
Ebenezer Scrooge: “No. Say he'll be spared.”
Ghost of Christmas Present: “If these shadows remain unaltered by the future, none other of my species will find him here...”
This dialogue examines personal choice, as it dovetails from one year into the next. It challenges us to reflect on our ways, on what is serving us and what is destroying us.
“If these shadows remain unaltered by the future...”
And the presence of the crutch is front and center to that reflection.
Indeed, we first come across Tiny Tim- and his crutch- in the story as he for his father...
Tiny Tim: [outside Scrooge's office] Merry Christmas, Mister Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Don't beg on this corner, boy.
Tiny Tim: I'm not begging, Sir. I'm Tim Cratchit. I'm waiting for my father.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Tim Cratchit, eh? Well you'll have a long wait, then, won't you?
[he walks off]
The strong presence of the crutch is evident. It represents powerlessness and disease.
And, yes, concerning our recovery, it is further translated into the Twelve Steps...
1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Like Tiny Tim, we are dependent upon it. Without our crutch, indeed, we’d fall over. And yet, with our crutch, we still find ourselves crippled and limited. If we liken it to mobility issues, our crutch simply does not empower us to walk or run effectively. Yes, it may appear to prop us up. But it doesn’t allow for positive movement beyond that.
We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of (The Most High) God as we understood Him.
Steps two and three confront our crutch perspective: do we see The Almighty in The Most High, or only our higher power in our addiction or vice?
It’s not an easy question to answer.
For, let’s face it, our crutch, is tangible evidence of an answer, a cure. It is three- dimensional. We can touch it; we can access it. We can lean on it. Therefore, the decision to choose to depend on something unseen over our comfortable, visible remedy, is a daring, scary experiment, rife with insecurity and discomfort. It’s no wonder why we fight this decision- and the ones which follow.
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We admitted to (The Most High) God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We were entirely ready to have (The Most High) God remove all these defects of character.
We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
“…I see a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the future...”
Steps four through ten address what can happen if we separate crutch from owner. What happens when we make decisions based on our repentant departure from addiction, instead of being fueled by it?
Therefore, the classic work’s “carefully preserved” component reminds us of our addiction crutch’s consequences: wrecked health, ruined relationships, careers and finances, etcetera. These realities drive our need for surrender, change, humility, amends to others and the newer, lifelong commitment we make to Elohim and to ourselves.
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with (The Most High) God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
