Hiding Behind the Panda
“…there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known.”
Matthew 10:26; Luke 12:2
This time of year, with its county and state fairs in full swing, I’m reminded of an eating disorder memory.
The summer before my sophomore year of college, I was at my lowest weight, riddled with Anorexic beliefs and behaviors. I weighed a two-digit weight, and my condition elicited concern from numerous friends and family members.
Still, I was determined to let nothing, and no one stop me. I was solely fixated on my goal of being thin, to an emaciated degree. I wanted no one to interfere as I went about my daily life.
And I thought I would achieve that as I decided to go to the Minnesota State Fair in late August.
Not so fast.
By now, my disordered eating tendencies felt as close to my normal routine as they could be. I got up early that morning, engaged in my punishing exercise, non-eating, and grooming routines. I wore a “normal” white t-shirt and jean shorts. There was, to my knowledge, nothing attention-grabbing about my presence.
But my fair-going experience would quickly show me otherwise.
For, as I walked the long stretch of the fair site, I noticed people’s stares. I seemed to run into families with young children. And the children, as filter-less as they are, gawked and pointed.
Although I could not hear the interactions, I suspected they were asking their parents what was wrong with me.
I saw disgust on the adults’ faces.
They could not get away from me fast enough. I had at least three of these encounters.
I wanted to convince everyone, even in this fair setting, I was “fine.” And it irritated me that people seemed to “know,” to be bothered, appalled, or fearful about my presence.
I wanted to believe I was doing well; I was not out of control. I was not sick. And, in this anonymous circumstance, strangers were disputing my well-being. I believed, sure, my family and friends who expressed their concerned thoughts were one thing; they could operate in a personal agenda to hurt me.
But total strangers?
And here’s where, I encountered the powerful impact about two or three witnesses…
“…In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
2 Corinthians 13:1
“But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.”
Matthew 18:16
I was a skeleton.
Dressing me up for fun at the fair did nothing to change that. Neither did my desire to persuade others I was “normal.”
Still, I was thoroughly convinced I could blend in and not appear like I had a problem.
So, I decided to look like even more of a festive fairgoer.
I bought one of those huge stuffed panda bears and proceeded to walk around with that sucker for the rest of my experience.
Hey, c’mon. Look how happy I am; I have this gigantic bear!
I know.
But my panda strategy backfired.
For now, people’s attention wasn’t just pulled to the walking skeleton, but to the exaggerated image of a walking skeleton lugging an enormous stuffed animal around on a hot and humid summer day.
And make no mistake about it, that panda became quite heavy very quickly.
Plus, there was a large black Hefty bag I tried carrying the bear around in, to make things easier and more comfortable.
It didn’t work.
The Hefty bag drew still more attention to the skeleton and her panda.
The Great Minnesota Get Together! Let’s all go to the State Fair!
Point at the Skeleton Freak Show with your corn dogs.
I still clung to the delusion I could hide behind the panda’s cuteness. I believed it would camouflage my unflattering reality.
Throw a huge bear at it- exactly!
And I was oblivious to the Truth, bear or no bear: secrets get exposed.
“For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither anything hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.”
Luke 8:17
“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”
Mark 4:22
And, since eating disorders are all about secrecy, they’re up to the same fate as anything else is.
Yikes.
Eating disorders and their insidious, sick thought processes, include…
I know what I’m doing.
I’m in control.
I’m fooling everyone.
I don’t need help.
No one knows what’s really going on.
What are you hiding behind?
Perhaps it’s not a humongous teddy bear, but it is something, isn’t it?
For those of us in recovery from food and body image issues, the challenge is to identify the need to be presented in a particular light.
And then, from there, we need to confront our chosen props created to distract, to deny, to lie, and to hide.
Often, we can get so consumed by that obsession, we completely bypass the liberation which waits on our decision to embrace it…
“…the truth will set you free."
John 8:32
The Most High’s blessings far outweigh our hiding.
So, let’s come out from the dark and walk in empowering light!
Without the big bear.
Abba Father-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, and Our Savior, Yahshua.
You know we are hiding.
You know what we are hiding behind.
Forgive us and help us concerning that.
Heal the toxic secrecy that is not of You. Help us to walk in and glorify Your Truth.
Help us to heal from whatever it is that we are hiding from. We know we cannot hide from You.
Let us feel Your Love in that reality.
Thank You.
In Yahshua’s Name, we pray,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Noisy or “Still, Small Voice?”
“I am the Good Shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me.”
John 10:14
I love this little guy.
Look at how his ears just perk up. There’s an attentive, surprised look on his face.
And he’s quiet.
Noise.
It can be a challenging obstacle for even the most focused of us.
Noise and distraction go hand in hand.
We are all familiar with The Good Shepherd, in theory, in imagery, and yes, for us Believers, in sought after and applied Truth and relationship with Him.
Probably, the most famous Scripture, depicting this Shepherd, second to “The Good Shepherd” (John 10:10)?
“A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
Psalm 23:1-3
Notice, however, there is no mention of noise or distraction.
Yeah, sure, we as sheep, are “led.”
But what is the gritty reality of that leading, especially when everything and everyone, so often, competes for our attention, leading us elsewhere, and yeah, getting us “lost?”
Scripture reiterates how we are His Sheep, and recognize- and follow- His Voice…
“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.”
John 10:3-4
“But you don’t believe me because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me.”
John 10:26-28
How does this happen, with surety?
How do we follow?
“But he led his own people like a flock of sheep, guiding them safely through the wilderness. He kept them safe, so they were not afraid; but the sea covered their enemies.”
Psalm 78:52-53
Imprinting.
I think it has to do with imprinting.
Some kind of spiritual GPS. A tracking device. Some kind of activation coded, embedded in us.
I have never been around sheep.
But I have had an experience with, perhaps, a sheep-adjacent creature: a fawn.
When I was a kid, for a week, I was entrusted with this baby deer.
It was lying within my family’s grove.
It was by itself.
Orphaned?
I’m not sure.
Wildlife experts state that if you see a fawn, by itself, there’s often nothing to be alarmed by.
Mama will be back soon.
The offspring is just resting and waiting, with its spots serving as camouflage.
Anyway, this sweet creature, resting alone in our grove, was scooped up by my dad.
And presto, change-o! I have a pet.
Not a puppy. Not a kitten.
A Fawn. I named it Bambi.
(Not an original choice of names, but I was a kid. I loved Disney).
This little being was dependent.
We bottle fed it cow’s milk.
It slept in my bedroom.
It was loveable and helpless, like sheep.
And here’s where the imprinting comes in…
That fawn, Bambi, followed me everywhere!
As we walked around on the farm, whenever there was too much physical distance between us, I heard the heart-grabbing, desperate bleat.
Like that of a lamb.
Hearing that call, I would rush toward it, pick it up, hug it, try to reassure it.
Yes, “Mama” is here.
Even though, “Mama” was a seven-year-old girl.
It didn’t matter to this baby animal.
It imprinted on me.
It followed my movements and the sound of my voice.
That, to me, seems representative of the Lost Sheep Parable (Luke 15:2-7).
Our Shepherd, like each sheep, is also imprinted upon us.
He has a code to know and hear our distress signals and our whereabouts.
That’s why He leaves the 99 for the one stray that’s probably tangled up in a thicket somewhere.
He knows, He hears, He sees, and He locates.
We, on the other hand?
Well, that’s a little trickier.
Even with spiritual GPS, we still are challenged by sensory experiences.
And that has to do with how still and silent we can be, in response to noise and distraction.
Still and Silent:
“Be still and know that I am The Most High. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10
Well, this is something I struggle with.
Spiritually, I guess I squirm… a lot.
Many of us are squirmers.
And then, there’s the matter of my yapper.
Noise.
Talk, talk, talk.
And listening? In silent stillness?
Eh… That needs work.
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
Exodus 14:14
Stillness and silence work together.
“And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.’”
Mark 4:39
The Still, Small Voice?
Getting quiet.
It makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it?
The truth is, with us sheep, we are soothed by distraction, whatever form it takes.
Noise. Business. Go-go-go. Movement.
Modern-day life demands that we keep pace. It demands that we obey the noise.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”
Isaiah 55:8
Our thoughts are noisy. Chaotic.
In dire need of some sheep wrangling.
But He is softer, quieter, most of the time.
There is a reason why the phrase, “still, small Voice” is often repeated.
It’s not just a cool or clever thing to say.
It is a “still, small Voice.”
Notice, both approaches to Him, and to being led, in Love and Wisdom, are found within that phrase…
“Still,” as in, quit moving, quit squirming, quit fidgeting, quit going over here, going over there…
AND…
“Voice,” meaning sound, further emphasized by “small.”
Not yelling. Not hoopla. Not screaming.
“Small Voice.”
I admit it. I’m still not all that expert-level when it comes to adhering TO the “Still, Small Voice.”
But there have been some stand-out occasions.
For me, in broad terms, it goes along the lines of hearing things like…
“What don’t you…?”
“Hey, try this.”
And sometimes, it’s a “boop” of an idea that settles in my mind.
Specifically?
“The Still, Small Voice” encouraged me to join a life-changing church, over twenty years ago. It wasn’t what I was used to, having come from a denominational background.
But I gave it a whirl.
And out of that decision, my first book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of An Eating Disorder” manifested.
And, more soberly, and more recently, I believe that “Still, Small Voice” prompted me to write a letter to my mother.
We were estranged. I had gone “no-contact” with her for almost five years. I was committed to keeping that status in place.
And then…
“Write your mother a letter.”
I argued against that notion, as I usually do.
But I heeded.
I feared the negative can of worms that would result from writing the letter.
But I did it, anyway.
I said some painful things in the letter; I also told her that I loved her.
I sent it.
A week later, my mother was dead.
Still. Small. Voice.
Had I not heeded it, the regret, upon hearing news of her death, would have painfully complicated my grief.
Instead, I have a measure of peace.
Head to the Pasture.
“Acknowledge that the LORD is The Most High ! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”
Psalm 100:3
Sheep are known for mostly one locale: a pasture.
“Human Sheep,” however?
Well, we seem to inhabit every kind of environment: cities, apartment buildings, houses, high rises, parking lots, drug dens, brothels, bars, and schools, just to name some options.
And churches. We must not forget about church.
The word, “pasture,” however, speaks to more than just a geographical environment. It speaks to the place of our heart and soul: our mind, our will, and our emotions.
That’s often where we truly get “lost.”
Not in physical space, in a heart/soul space.
That’s where we struggle with moving; that’s where we struggle with deafness.
Some of us don’t even know we are supposed to reside in a spiritual pasture. We try out ever other locale and “solution.”
We become more paralyzed, and deafer, in the process.
And then, some of us even twist our definition of “pasture.”
We assert our independence, code for rebellion.
We rebel.
We decide WHAT our pasture will be.
You know, like sheep, the less- flattering version of these fluffy creatures…
“We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
Isaiah 53:6
But through our “Good Shepherd,” you and I CAN come back.
We have spiritual GPS.
He IS calling us back.
And we CAN hear Him.
We can move into stillness, into His peaceful pasture.
We belong to Him.
“Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture, will thank you forever and ever, praising your greatness from generation to generation.”
Psalm 79:13
ABBA Father-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
You know we are vulnerable. Helpless.
We are sheep, in desperate need of a Shepherd. You know how we have struggled and failed to listen to and follow You in our lives.
But You are still committed to shepherding us.
Thank You.
You love us that much, that You have provided the ULTIMATE sacrifice to atone for our sins.
Not just a Lamb, but The Perfect Shepherd Who is acquainted with all our weak sheep issues.
We ask for Him, therefore, to fully be our Shepherd, in every one of our ways.
Heal us, restore us, and help us to listen to and follow only Him.
Help us to glorify You as we walk, numbered, loved, and secured in His Flock.
We receive it, in Yahshua’s Name,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Impulse Buy
“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”
Mark 4:22
At the height of my Anorexia, years ago, my “normal” routine consisted of hours of exercise on a bike, trampoline, with hand weights and thousands of daily sit-ups.
And one other thing…
Milk of Magnesia.
Once, as I was standing in line at a drugstore, I was quite conspicuous. I was at a two-digit weight, at nineteen, and had one item in my bony hands.
Only one thing.
The telltale blue bottle of Milk of Magnesia was not fooling anyone.
I know this, as the people in the drugstore and the cashier looked at me with concern/horror/disgust.
There was no hiding. There was no downplaying. There was no passing it off as normal. It wasn’t like I was buying shampoo or a magazine.
And there was no add-on, “impulse buy” of gum or mints.
No.
One thing.
Only one conspicuous blue thing…with laxative properties.
One thing that prompted such shame and fear.
I was caught in the truth of what I had become with eating disorders. There was no passing it off as anything else.
“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”
Mark 4:22
So, now, I’m telling on myself.
This ugly reality happened.
It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t healthy.
“You’re as sick as your secrets.”
We all have this going on in our lives.
Some of us may not deal with eating disorders or other vices.
But there is some kind of secret shame, something we wish no one would ever know about.
And we certainly don’t want other people to look at us.
Eye contact can trap us in exposure.
We are seen. We are known.
And there’s nothing we can do to undo that.
Terror can result, naturally, in each of us at that prospect.
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
John 8:32
What are we lying about and hiding?
What are we downplaying, minimizing, covering up?
What are we afraid will happen if our secret gets out?
Yahshua died for each of these secretive “impulse buys” of shame, disease, death, and sin.
Each of our secret sins were already paid for by His atoning Work on The Cross.
Let’s turn TO Him and Pray For His Loving Help and Healing right now.
Abba Father-
We come to You in The Name of Your Sinless Son, Yahshua.
We ask that, from this point on, He be in complete control of our lives.
We accept that He paid the price for us, in all our shame-filled secret sins.
Forgive us.
Help us.
We receive Your living Truth to touch and intervene with our secretive lies, whatever they may be.
We cannot pass off anything as an “impulse buy.”
We have bought sin.
Thank You, however, that You, through the Redemptive Blood of Your Son, Yahshua Ha-Mashiach, have bought us back from death.
We receive it, in His Name, right now,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Mourning Into Dancing
“Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness.”
Psalm 30:11
The Waiting Room
“Please have a seat.”
After my cancer diagnosis, years ago, I have spent enough time in clinic and hospital waiting rooms.
This morning was one such occasion.
One of the first appointments of the morning, I encountered an empty room, with numerous empty chairs.
And I waited, sitting there.
We are seated in Heavenly Places.
“And hath raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus (Yahshua Ha- Mashiach).”
Ephesians 2:6
Waiting.
A human experience. A human test.
I once heard that the definition of Patience is “waiting with a good attitude.”
I don’t know about you, but I need a lot of help in that area.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
We are familiar with this scripture. It bounces around in our lives frequently.
Often, it’s brought up as we are frustrated, not seeing anything changing in the way we want things to change.
“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
Romans 8:25
Wait. Waiting. Waiting ROOM.
Maybe…
SEATED THERE…IN HEAVENLY PLACES?
It hit me looking at those empty chairs this morning.
It looked like no one was sitting there.
Eventually though, manifestation showed up as more people showed up for their appointments.
But those chairs, likewise, were WAITING for the individuals to occupy them.
The chairs, by their very existence, were acts of faith.
Waiting on people to move, to act, to act with patience?
Hmmm.
Think about it.
By faith, not the visibility according to our senses, we are seated With Yashua in Heavenly places.
Patience in Faith is required to believe that.
To dare to imagine, “yes, it is so.”
Do we say “yes?”
Do we “have a seat?”
Abba Father-
We come to You, in the Name of Your Son, Our Savior, Yashua.
Help us with our faith and our issues with patience.
Help us with waiting.
We understand they are all interconnected. We struggle with them in unique ways that only You know about.
Forgive our doubt, our immaturity, and our impatience.
Help us to believe and receive that we are already seated WITH You, in Heavenly realms.
We need Your Guidance here.
Thank You for helping us,
In Yahshua’s Name, we pray,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Attention Rebels: Bad Behavior?
Attention all angry, frustrated rebels!
(Are you responding by reading this, or are you rebelling against this blog)?
Rebelliousness.
“For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance is like the wickedness of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has rejected you as king."
1 Samuel 15:23
Eh… That’s not very “feel-good,” is it?
Well, it gets more dire. Check out 1 Samuel 31:4…
“Then Saul said to his armor-bearer, ‘Draw your sword and run it through me, or these uncircumcised men will come and run me through and torture me!’ But his armor-bearer was terrified and refused to do it. So Saul took his own sword and fell on it.”
Yikes.
Beyond melodramatic. Quite dead, in fact.
Rebellion. And Saul was a rebel without a cause, or a clue.
In today’s world, rebellion gets a sexy, glamorous, independent distinction.
The rebel: James Dean.
A “go-getter,” ahead of his or her time.
It can be appealing and tempting to believe that, yeah, we’d like to embody that rebellion. We have been “done wrong.”
We are fighting injustice. We just aren’t taking it any longer.
So, we put on the mental, or the literal, defiant black leather jacket.
We are James Dean, taking on all authority.
We are…hurt.
We are… in pain.
Likewise, its twin, if not, at least, sibling, is the matching brewing anger that asserts itself too quickly.
Most of us are not aware it has popped up until after the fact.
The wreckage. The carnage. The death.
When somehow, like Saul, we fall on our sword.
Fellow Rebel, do you recognize yourself?
How have you been acting out lately?
I ask, from the challenging place of my own unflattering hotheadedness.
It doesn’t always appear obvious.
It often takes on the simmering, quiet, brooding anger. Passive. You know. When someone asks how I’m doing.
And my response is “I’m fine.”
That can be the most dangerous, more dangerous than running through streets, wielding a Samurai sword or a gun.
The anger corrodes, even if it looks, sounds, and feels quiet.
So why do we have anger, anyway?
Because it is an alarm.
Something has hurt, wounded, threatened, or slighted us.
And often, yes, it can be unjust.
You have, I’m sure, heard the phrase, “Don’t reward bad behavior.”
This is right up anger’s alley.
We want to fight bad behavior. We want to avenge.
A little problem, however?
“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’….”
Romans 12:19
Yep, we see in dissatisfying, human reality that His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:9).
HE has a different way of handling things.
So, what are we, then, to do about THAT?
Be angry and sin not.
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
Ephesians 4:26
Oh sure, no problem.
Come on.
The angry horse has probably ALREADY left the barn. It’s galloping.
Is it hopeless then?
No, not quite.
Does the solution feel great?
No, not quite.
For now we are challenged with the concept of self-control.
Who out there enjoys self-control? I mean, really?
Examples of self-control?
Shutting our mouths when we want to curse the person into the next realm.
Doing something we DO NOT WANT to do.
You know, the whole “not my Will, but Thy Will be done” approach (Luke 22:42).
And, of course, we cannot leave out this one…
Forgive them.
A show of hands right now, please.
Who’s groaning with me at these possible self-control options?
Hands, hands, everywhere.
There exists another approach to dealing with anger.
Behold…
“Be angry, yet do not sin; on your bed, search your heart and be still. Selah. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the LORD.”
Psalm 4:4-5
I know. It seems like we are being asked to double down on rewarding the bad behavior, doesn’t it?
On the one hand, we are given the green light to “be angry.” There’s still the pesky “don’t sin” thing being instructed. But maybe, if we just stop at Psalm 4:4, we can handle things. Leave it alone.
SELAH, after all.
But no.
Psalm 4:5 rubs some rancid lemon juice into the infected wound, doesn’t it?
“Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the LORD.”
If we further wanted to torture ourselves, we could skip on down to this scripture…
“Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The “kill ‘em with kindness” approach, huh?
(Let’s be honest. We just want to kill ‘em and leave it at that).
Come on! Cop to it!
Lying is a sin also. (Exodus 20:16).
Okay, so we’re angry, we are endeavoring NOT to sin, we are pausing, SELAH-ING all over the place. We try to sacrifice some righteous act in response to the bad treatment.
How it that going?
If “results may vary” is the answer, there are still some other methods He wants us to employ.
Carry our own load.
“For every man shall bear his own burden.”
Galatians 6:5
There’s nothing like personal responsibility.
It works for “them.” It works for “us.”
That includes anger. Our response to it.
Sometimes, anger, again, is the alert to us, letting us know we have been hurt or mistreated in some way.
It provokes awareness. It necessitates action.
How will we address an issue?
What will we do?
What will we STOP doing?
These are big anger questions.
And they can be Spirit-led. We don’t have to be out of control, destroying everything and everyone in our path. We can pause, ask for wisdom (James 1:5), and move forward.
And that can mean approaching someone about an issue.
Let everything be established amongst two or three witnesses.
“This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
2 Corinthians 13:1
Did we bring something uncomfortable up with someone?
Was the discussion tense?
Scripture encourages us to address grievances with another person.
How did that go?
Did it go well?
With deaf ears?
Apathy?
Made even further hostility?
We are encouraged to first go one-on-one with a person about an issue.
If that didn’t go well, we next need to bring more reinforcement.
And try again.
Maybe bring in more people to help make our case.
And after two or three instances or witnesses of that attempt, the challenge is then to receive the response as the answer.
A permitted granting to “let it go.”
A kind of peace, reassuring us that we have tried.
That is our better behavior, no matter what their “bad behavior” may be.
Take peace in that.
With all that said…
Bear one another’s burdens.
“Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfil the law of (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Christ.”
Galatians 6:2
I know.
We just stopped talking about letting go, personal responsibility. Everyone carrying their sack of rocks.
So now… this?
Bearing each other’s burdens?
Now would be a great time to remind ourselves that the faith walk is unique and situational, tailored to a person, and a circumstance.
So, yes, sometimes, in keeping with “not My Will, but Thy Will be done,” we do what we don’t necessarily feel like doing, including helping people.
That is not a popular thing to tout in Christianity.
There is the assumption that we, as followers of Yahshua, are supposed to be giddily happy, serving all the time.
Uh, for me personally, “giddily” really pushes it sometimes.
That’s why it’s a sacrifice. An offer of obedience. Surrender.
All those words we grimace at in our real lives. They don’t often feel great.
But we know, and we’re not really giddy about it, that faith is different than feelings. It trumps feelings.
“Take up your Cross (Matthew 16:24),” after all.
Hard. Heavy. Painful. Uncomfortable. Scary.
Yep.
That… and more.
And it’s hard on the rebel.
Our inner James Dean is no match for The Almighty.
“Nevertheless, The Most High’s plans. That will stand.”
Proverbs 19:21
Another part of His Plan?
Turn the Other Cheek
“But I say unto you, ‘That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.’”
Matthew 5:39
Fellow Rebels: don’t minimize the power of this scripture.
Look closer.
There’s a bit of Holy Resistance IN in.
Resistance.
You know, the stuff we’ve been reacting with, especially when we’re dealing with anger.
But this is a righteous perspective.
It’s the dare of self-control, of allowing them to act however foolish “they” choose to operate from.
The stance we take, should we take it?
Steadiness.
Resolute determination and trust that The Most High is in control.
Not us.
And yes, it takes a WHOLE LOT OF practice!!!!
But its application creates perspective.
His perspective.
And His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9).
And now, for the Grand Finale…
He was silent, like a sheep to the shearers, He opened not His Mouth.
“He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth.”
Isaiah 53:7
Yeah, irritable rebels are not enthusiastic about this one.
Am I right?
Keeping silent. Shutting the mouth.
That often runs contrary to the Sweet Rebel who insists on speaking up and out about anything and everything with the hint of injustice attached to it.
Here is where “hot-headed” and “hot mouthed” intersect.
And it’s usually noisy and destructive, including self-destructive.
For, let us not forget…
“A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”
Proverbs 18:2
“…and a fool's voice is known by multitude of words.”
Ecclesiastes 5:3
Ah, yes, the opportunity for the Rebel to ponder and self-reflect.
Is the Rebel a Rebel…or a Fool?
Get real.
How much of the Fool is showing up on the scene when we, in the name of “fighting a good rebellious fight,” are, instead, looking, sounding, behaving, living like a foolish person?
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
And don’t worry, I’m not preaching to you more than I am talking to myself.
Silence, indeed, can be golden in certain situations.
Discernment from The Most High can lead us into “shutty-shutty” land.
“Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”
Proverbs 17:28
Fellow Rebels: we do not always need to go headlong into rebellious battle, especially when anger is stirred up.
There are other ways of handling life.
We all blow it. We all charge, filled with impatience and wrath, into circumstances that we usually wind up, later, regretting.
It doesn’t need to be like this.
We can do something else.
Let’s start with prayer.
Abba Father,
We come to You, In the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
We ask for Your forgiveness and help concerning our rebelliousness. It may be obvious; it may be subtle, maybe even undetectable to other people. But You know it’s there.
And we know it’s there.
And it’s sin.
Forgive us and help us.
You also know how our struggles with anger come into play.
That often motivates our behavior. And THAT is ALSO sin, often emanating from pride.
We need Your Help with all of this: our hearts, our attitudes, our choices, our behaviors.
Lead us and guide us into Your wise and life-giving ways of doing things.
Thank You.
We receive Your help, now, giving You all the Glory, in Our Savior, Yahshua’s Name,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Call, Don’t Fall
“And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Acts 2:21
Years ago, when I was in the hospital, I saw this image on a shelf in front of my bed.
“Call, don’t fall.”
The Call Button.
It’s a standard and necessary piece of equipment in any hospital.
A patient, however weak, impaired, and unsteady, can press a call button to get assistance, like when they need help in reaching the bathroom, or when there is any pain or discomfort. It’s understood that, by pressing this button, a distress signal is sent out.
It is a cry for help.
“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.”
Isaiah 55:6
We cannot just call someone or something, without knowing about their existence and presence first.
Before the sound of the call, we need to seek the Source of it.
Have knowledge. Be aware.
And yes, spiritually speaking, have faith.
Now is the time to seek AND to call.
“…‘Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Christ will shine on you.’ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:14-16
We only need to watch the news, on inhabit our increasingly more challenging lives to see that we are encountering dark times.
We need to hit the call button.
What happens if we don’t?
My mother resided in a care facility for the last few years of her life.
She was wheelchair-bound and needed assistance for everything: trips to the bathroom, help with dressing herself, assistance to move her from her hospital bed to her wheelchair or recliner.
Like most people who are dependent in this situation, my mother did not want to admit her reality.
At first, she insisted she could do things by herself.
She overestimated her ability.
She would try to move, without pressing the call button.
And she had more than one fall doing so.
Again…
“Call, don’t fall.”
Because of her refusal to use that call button, she was hurt.
And it didn’t need to happen.
Likewise, spiritually, when we refuse to “call on our Savior,” we, at bare minimum, get unnecessarily hurt.
It didn’t have to happen like that.
And, at worst, our eternal souls are lost.
“Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven.”
Matthew 10:32-33
How many of us stubbornly refuse to acknowledge or use the call button of our Savior?
How many of us refuse “to call,” and therefore, “fall?”
How many of us are unaware, or refuse to believe that calling on Him will change, not just our eternal standing, but our lives here for the better?
““This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”
Jeremiah 33:2-3
“…I will never blot out the name of that person from the book of life but will acknowledge that name before my Father and his angels.”
Revelation 3:5
The Call Button Does Not Discriminate.
“…‘I now realize how true it is that The Most High does not show favoritism.’”
Acts 10:34
There is a reason that call buttons are located within every hospital and care facility. They are necessary and work for anyone who presses the button.
I don’t think there’s a patient who looks at the equipment, thinking, “Well, that probably will work for someone else, but not for me.”
No.
The person in need of help sees it as that source of help.
They don’t question. They just press.
How much more concerning our Savior?
“For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’”
Romans 10:12-13
He paid the price for each of our distress calls. He knows and hears them all.
But we need to press the button.
What’s stopping us?
In it inconvenient for us?
Do we want to sin a bit more before we “get right” with Him?
Do we believe we can do it on our own?
Do we reject the call button because we don’t believe it’s real?
“…In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.’ I tell you, now is the time of The Most High’s favor, now is the day of salvation.”
2 Corinthians 6:2
Our Savior, Our Messiah, is real. He didn’t just die for us “once upon a time.”
He lives, forever conquering death and sin.
He lives for us right now.
And He loves us right now.
That was the entire point of His Existence, His Life, His Atoning Death.
He loves us.
He loves you. As is. Right now.
And He knows you need to press the call button.
Let’s press then, and pray this together…
Abba Father,
We come to You, In the Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
We call on His Name, believing, by faith, and by Your Eternal, unfailing Word, that we are saved.
Forgive us for our many sins, including any rejection of You, and the Sacrifice of Your Son. He paid the price for us.
We accept Him as Lord, Savior, and Reigning Authority in our lives.
Thank you for responding to our call. Help us to live for Him each day, calling Him into everything concerning our lives.
We receive this Gift from You, now, in Yahshua’s Name,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Breastplate, Not Breasts
We don’t hear much about that female physique: the breast-less chest.
Following news of a breast cancer diagnosis, at the top of a woman’s pain and fear list, next to the death thoughts?
Her breasts: what will become of them?
Most women fear losing them.
I have a breast-less chest.
A breastplate resides there now.
I have discovered the offensiveness this has stirred up.
Why?
Breasts, as a physical feature, contain powerful associations.
They are life-giving, life-sustaining nourishment…
“So that you may nurse and be satisfied with her comforting breasts. So that you may drink fully and be delighted with her bountiful breasts.”
Isaiah 66:11
“Because of your father’s (YAH) God, who helps you, because of the Almighty, who blesses you with blessings of the skies above, blessings of the deep springs below, blessings of the breast and womb.”
Genesis 49:25
They represent motherhood…
“But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”
Psalm 131:2
Aesthetics, sexuality, and femininity also abound…
“Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies.”
Song of Solomon 4:5
“I am a wall, and my breasts like towers. Then was I in his eyes as one that found favor.”
Song of Solomon 8:10
There is also the presence of body dysmorphia...
“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to (YAH) God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”
Romans 9:20
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
Exodus 20:17
“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”
James 3:16
And let’s not forget objectification/ financial gain.
“…‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’”
1 Samuel 16:7
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”
1 Timothy 6:10
Breasts are not just breasts.
So, if “she” does not have them, what good IS she?
It’s not about demonizing them. There’s been enough of that throughout history.
Rather, this is about seeing beyond the breasts… to the breastplate.
Some women embody this physicality.
Being a woman of faith, it might surprise you to know that I did not read Scripture around the time of my bilateral mastectomy: October 4th, 2017.
As part of my faith walk, I read a Proverb a day. There are 31 Proverbs, and most months possess 31 days. Bite-size wisdom.
Therefore, I knew what a certain day-and Proverb- held.
I knew about Proverbs 5, and the possible devastation connected to my first full day without my breasts. Specifically, this verse…
“…may her breasts satisfy you always…”
Proverbs 5:19
For me, they would not be “always” breasts.
As of midday, October 4th, they were gone.
And October 5th’s reality was a flat chest.
Now.
Always?
What about reconstructive surgery?
Why not get new breasts?
I chose the bilateral mastectomy.
I experienced too many cancer scares over the years. I wanted a clean sweep.
No more mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRIs, chest surgeries. That also meant no reconstructive breast surgery.
I was done.
And I was at peace with that.
I was in the minority with that peace.
Starting with my surgeon, there was already a judgment there.
What’s wrong with me?
Why was I not choosing breasts, any way I could have them?
How could I just let go of them, just like that?
It wasn’t “just like that.”
Prayerful consideration. Research. I took deliberate time to decide, despite feeling pressured and rushed into certain choices by that surgeon.
Probably because there could have been more money made off me, if I chose implants.
Reconstruction is a series of surgeries, not just one and done.
Those surgeries involved money.
I said no.
“Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'...”
Matthew 5:37
I thought that was sufficient.
Not quite.
More judgment, even from those “of faith.”
Why is she choosing to look deformed?
Sometimes, there was an attitude, like I am not glorifying the Lord with that breast-less chest of mine, leaving it flat.
Maybe they’d reason I didn’t have enough faith to fight for and keep my breasts.
Or worse, what did I do to bring the breast-less curse upon myself?
That’s why my breasts were amputated. I deserved it.
To that, I offer…
“He said to them, ‘It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.’”
Acts 1:7
Why me? Why this? Why now?
I don’t know.
I DO know that my breast-less chest has been an ongoing education and, dare I say it, a restoration to my image in Him.
It is not just about the absence of breasts. It is about what I do have.
My life. Perhaps, even my deeper connection with The Most High God?
All that from a breast-less chest?
No, all that from a breastplate.
Scripture mentions putting on the full Armor of The Most High (Ephesians 6:10-18): Especially regarding verse 14…
“Stand therefore… having on the breastplate of righteousness.”
Breastlessness is a personal experience, with personal perceptions and feelings attached to it.
Here’s mine.
I see my breastplate each day.
Because of its scar tissue, it has an uncomfortable feeling that is my newer chest. It is like an ill-fitting, plastic bra, poking me. There are hard spots to it. There are dents and creases.
My surgery scar line has faded. It now has a white line look to it, lighter than the rest of my skin color.
Scars.
Our Savior has them.
Nail scars. A hole in His side from being pierced, while on The Cross.
To my knowledge, He has not chosen to rid Himself of those scars.
Why not?
Because they tell an important story of what happened. Salvation at the Cross.
“But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds, we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5
“Then He said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’”
John 20:27
My scars are not on that level, but they do tell a story. Any scar does.
The scar reminds me of what He brought me through, and that He still has me here, breathing.
The scar is part of my breastplate.
I am not horrified or devastated, looking at my chest.
I am not as bothered by my physique as other people seem to be.
Again, why is that?
Because their minds are not renewed to different examples of “His Image?”
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of (YAH) God.”
Romans 12:2
How are we supposed to look?
Females, in our individuality and femininity, are called to resemble the Savior.
“For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son...”
Romans 8:29
Since being breast-less, I have a different connection to my faith.
I see myself beyond female image, as wonderful as womanhood is.
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Christ Jesus.”
Galatians 3:28
There is more to me than a limited estimation of my feminine image.
With the emergence of my breastplate, I have learned more about who I am, in this Faith in Him.
Top of Form
“And to put on the new self, created after the likeness of (YAH) God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:24
What perceptions and judgments are made about the breast-less woman?
Does her value and virtue decrease because of her flat chest?
Do you only see her as an unfortunate, disfigured, maybe even, cursed, breast-less woman?
What if her changed body was a transformation process to embody more of our Savior?
“For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ:(Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.”
Philippians 3:10-11
Does the breastplate have its rightful honor to exist NOW?
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
Blood Flow
In early 2024, I injured my toe.
Was it a sports injury?
Hardly.
I stubbed it too much when I tried to put my shoe on.
How is that for athleticism?
Anyway, since then, it’s been bothering me.
Not just my toe, but my foot, and even spreading into my leg.
I have seen the doctor, had x-rays and bloodwork done.
And, most recently, a couple of Vascular ultrasounds.
These tests were ordered by my doctor to check for any artery blockages, as well as to assess my vein and blood flow.
Life… and health… are in the blood flow, right?
Attired Properly.
So, I showed up for my appointment.
It was a hot, humid, June day on the East Coast.
80 degrees by seven that morning. My appointment was at eight.
I wore a dress, a simple, cool dress.
As the Vascular Technician greeted me…
“Oh, you are dressed perfectly!”
What she meant by that is, well, easy access to my bare legs.
No pants to remove or to hike up.
No tights.
(Not that I would wear tights on a hot, humid day).
A dress.
She and her assistant immediately started prepping me for the procedure.
You must have the right set up.
This translates spiritually: The Blood.
“For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it to you on the altar to make atonement for your souls; for it is the blood by reason of the life that makes atonement.”
Leviticus 17:11
What is the point?
The Blood is the raison d'être, the reason for being.
“…it is the blood by reason of the life that makes atonement.”
The blood addresses… and dresses… us properly.
Old Testament was there first, with the animal sacrifices of bulls, goats, lambs, and doves.
And then The New Testament…
And Our Savior, becoming sin and the ultimate sin offering, eradicating the need for animal sacrifices.
His Blood paid the price, for all time.
Are we dressed properly?
No, it’s not the most pleasant thought to entertain, being covered by blood.
But, as far as Connection/Redemption with Our Heavenly Father, it’s a necessity.
Before we even start to live “life more abundantly” (John 10:10), we need to come to our life appointment, attired properly.
Are we?
A Faith Touch.
There are different kinds of blood issues and diseases. There are different kinds of blood flow.
Part of what brought me to this Vascular testing was that my toes, foot, and even leg felt like there was an issue with my circulation.
It was like there was a kink in the garden hose.
Something felt jammed, obstructed, not working properly. My blood didn’t seem to effectively reach my toes and foot.
There was numbness, coldness, tingling, sometimes, fiery stinging.
I had an issue with blood. That was why I was here in the Cardiovascular Testing Suite.
The Vascular ultrasounds were acts of faith.
An act of believing this would help me.
Kind of like another woman, centuries ago…
“Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, ‘If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.’ Jesus (Yahshua) turned and saw her. ‘Take heart, Daughter,’ he said, ‘your faith has healed you.’”
Matthew 9:20-22
This woman made an appointment to show up to faith touch Our Savior.
Her faith touch, indeed, made an impact…
“But Jesus (Yahshua) said, ‘Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.’”
Luke 8:46
Medical issues. Spiritual issues. The common denominator is belief.
We do believe in something.
We have faith enough to see a doctor, to schedule an appointment, to show up for that appointment.
We have faith in trusting and submitting to the process/procedure.
Acts of faith.
It’s a life-changing act of faith, therefore, to believe The Blood.
To see it’s His, to agree we need His Blood to cover our sins, to schedule the priority of not just an appointment, but a relationship with Him.
And yes, (here is where I sigh and groan a bit), to believe, to trust, to submit to His process and procedures.
Testing.
And that flows into the next element of blood flow…
Blood…Pressure.
The ultrasound tests, yes, focused on my bare legs.
I was told to hop on the medical recliner.
And then, the technician and her assistant, started uncoiling these longer blue strips; they were the “blood pressure cuffs” for my legs. For my entire legs.
They started winding them around, velcroing them securely in place. My legs were wrapped from my ankles to my hips.
Next came a bunch of wires. Red, blue, green, yellow, black.
They hooked me up to the machine that does the reading.
Both legs, one arm (not my “extremity arm.” That arm is down one Lymph node, removed at the time of my bilateral mastectomy. I need to avoid using that arm, for increased risk of Lymphedema, post-breast cancer).
I am now a Sci-Fi Creation.
Kinda like the robot from Metropolis.
Like the standard blood pressure procedure involving our arms, all the hooked-up cuffs on my legs and one arm are inflated to gauge the pressure readings.
Legs are done first. Starting with the ankle area, working upward.
And yes, there’s the squeeze of the blood PRESSURE.
It’s uncomfortable, especially around my calves.
I wait for the succession of squeezing pressure installments to complete its process.
Next, gel and little bandage-looking strips are wrapped around both big toes and my originally injured, fourth toe.
The same blood pressure inflation. Squeezing.
Lastly, my arm. Typical blood pressure cuff action there.
Throughout each inflation, I see the reading on the screen of the machine I’m hooked up to. I hear a whooshing sound (my pulse and blood flow). The peaks and lines travel up and down.
Sometimes, it looks like a flatline. (I am pretty sure I’m NOT dead).
The duration of the testing is about twenty-five minutes.
Pressure.
It’s a way to measure and assess things.
Pressure, from a health perspective, can determine how strong, flexible, resilient, damaged, and ill you and I may be.
There’s pressure involved with blood.
There’s pressure involved with HIS BLOOD.
“But now in Christ Jesus (Yahshua Ha-Mashiach) you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the Blood of Christ.”
Ephesians 2:13
Once you and I accept Yahshua as Our Savior, and the Master Influence in our lives, pressure, somehow, increases.
Now, we are tested as were once weren’t. Now, perhaps, things feel more difficult.
We feel squeezed.
Now, there can come THE PRESSURE to resemble Him, act like Him, love like Him.
And, your favorite, and mine, to CHANGE.
I hear some groaning out there. (Wait a minute. It’s mostly from me, I think).
Blood PRESSURE IS a part of Blood Flow. We cannot get past it.
We cannot opt out of the Squeeze.
The Squeeze, the Blood Pressure, tells us about our Spiritual condition.
Is there a blockage?
Has something internal… died?
Where’s the sickness?
Where’s the injury?
What changes can be made to resume healthy Blood Flow?
Reading/Results: “Apart from Me...”
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5
A Master Artery, with smaller arteries connected.
Is that what we are when it comes to Yahshua?
A direct question, with a direct answer: yes.
And it’s directly connected to Blood Flow.
“So Jesus (Yahshua) said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the Flesh of the Son of Man and drink His Blood, you have no life in yourselves. He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My Flesh is true food, and My Blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.”
John 6:53-56
Results may vary?
What ARE the Results?
Concerning my Vascular ultrasounds, it’s still too early to say. I have gotten some test results back. And, because I have not attended medical school, I have no clue what they mean.
Apart from, yes, apparently, I have blood in my body. And it is moving.
I am still, also, in the middle of testing. I am scheduled to have bloodwork done next week.
To determine what’s going on.
It’s tedious, ongoing, sometimes, frustrating, sometime, painful and comfortable.
Oh, and it’s scary, too.
Kinda like this life of…Faith.
I don’t know what the final tally will look like.
But Blood, nevertheless, is critical. I cannot ignore its role in my life.
My DNA… and HIS.
I need both to live. Blood flow must emanate from both of us.
Thinking for too long about this concept can be overwhelming.
But a good starting point?
Being thankful for the Blood that is moving and doing its work within me right now.
Physical. Spiritual.
Abba,
In the Name, and by THE BLOOD, of Yahshua, I come to You.
I thank You for THE BLOOD FLOW I have no control over. I thank You that, whether it’s Your Son’s Salvaging Blood, or my finite physical blood, there is movement and life, FOR my life.
Thank You for this, while I wait for You, indeed, “to perfect that which concerns me” (Psalm 138:8).
I ask for Your help to let His Blood cover, speak, live, heal, and prosper within me. Help me to cooperate with this Blood Flow Process.
Thank you. I receive the Fulness of Yahshua’s Blood, all for Your Glory,
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
