Things that have been precious, meaningful to me.
It feels like I am caught in a whirlwind of seemingly never-ending goodbyes.
Not the first person gasping in the whirlwind, not the last.
Toys.
As a grown woman, surviving abuse and cancer, shouldn’t I be able to let go of these things much more easily?
I confronted nostalgia and painful feelings, not because I wanted this confrontation, but because I had to experience it. And it started with first thing’s first: my first doll. A rubber, chubby blonde baby that I only kept because I thought I should keep her.
Should. There it is again.
Unrealistic expectations and the fight against saying goodbye.
This first doll was ugly. I never played with her. But she was attached to the family story of how she was bought in the hospital gift shop where my mother purchased my first pink teddy bear. First. Meaningful. Connection.
The family’s account involved how I almost died as that infant. Things were if-y. Better get me baptized. Better buy the first toys before I die.
There it is. Goodbye.
I recently got rid of the doll, but the goodbyes don’t go away.
Things of the past. Things I was struggling to let go of.
For once they are gone, they’re gone. No going back to having them. No going back to being in my life, in the same way?
Life, now for me amplifies the reality of change, loss, and goodbye.
Since the Pandemic, many of us have needed to put away childish things, for mere survival.
Life has changed. Death, change, and loss are here in more immediate ways.
Life demands we look at our lives, put way some things, mature, face the reality of a fragile existence. It’s personal, unique, and universal. And no one escapes it.
Playtime, indeed, has changed.
“The new normal” is more than just an expression. It is life.
Change is a part of life.
“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
How is it showing up for you?
Regardless of the circumstances, turn to Him.
“For I, (Elohim)… will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”
Isaiah 41:13
Let’s do that now and pray.
ABBA Father-
We come to You, in The Name of Your Son, Our Savior, Yahshua.
We accept that He died for sins.
We ask for Your Help to change.
Help us to say goodbye.
It’s sad and scary.
You have promised to help us.
Thank You for that.
We turn to You now.
Do what we cannot do for ourselves; we need You.
We receive it, in Yahshua’s Name.
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
