“Daddy Issues” (“Hello, Gentlemen…”)

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’”

Romans 8:15

“Daddy Issues” (“Hello, Gentlemen…” Book Excerpt)

Hello, Gentlemen.

It’s me. Sheryle.

Today I want to talk to you about my “Daddy Issues.”

I hope you are not groaning.

My “Daddy Issues” have a lot to do with Fear.

“Earthquake, thunder, fire and fathers.”

Japanese Proverb

You know, and have lived, fear, haven’t you?

Fear: “Father” is at the center of it for me.

It has affected every area of my life, my faith included.

We learn fear.

Did you know that babies, from the start, are only afraid of two things, starting out: fear of loud noises and the fear of falling?

That’s it. All other fears are learned.

Including being afraid of, oh, I don’t know, an abusive father?

(And/or any other abusive person, be they blood or not).

“Do not provoke your children to wrath.”

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4

(That applies to both parents, not just fathers. Mothers can provoke too. You might have fears concerning your mother. That does not make you less of a man. It makes you someone whose mother may have terrorized and abused you as a child. You will probably hear about my “Mommy Issues” down the line. Brace for impact).

But my dad?

…He raged at me…

He would unload verbally on me, scaring me with his punishing voice.

…He loved to see me in fear of him, and in pain…

…It’s called “sadism.” He took delight in terrorizing and seeing pain in others, especially his child, me. He really got off on it. It made him feel powerful, “like a Real Man.”

“Real Men” don’t need to feel better, though, when someone else, especially a helpless child, is depressed, suicidal, and completely afraid of them. That was what I learned by the age of nine.

…He chased me from room to room in his anger, making me afraid of “getting caught.”

…He made me feel unsafe, that I could never trust him, because I never knew how he was going to act around me. There was never any sense of safety or peace. I just held my breath, waiting for something to go wrong.

And it always did.

…He threw away my dolls and toys…

… He knew that they meant something to me. That’s why he went after them...

…He threatened my animals…

… My cats. I loved them more than my toys. He knew that. I didn’t know then, in his rages, if he was going to kill what I loved. No child should ever have to wonder about that.

…He threatened me…

… He threatened to leave me, to hurt me, to take the belt to me, to throw me out of the house. The most confusing threat, though? He threatened to stop loving me, unless I did what he wanted me to do.

There was no such thing as “unconditional love;” there was no such thing as “grace.”

That has affected my faith.

That has been why “Abba,” (Hebrew, for “Daddy”) has been a long and tough climb for me.

“Father” can feel like the most dangerous, pain-inflicting, and vile word when all you see from your own version of a human father is fear, torture, instability, and no real love or acceptance for you at all, no matter what you do or say…

“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”

Hebrews 13:3

Amazon.com: "Hello Gentlemen...": 9798259016163: Cruse, Sheryle: Books