Violation/abuse/hierarchy of human value literally played itself out with my doll play.
“Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?”
Romans 9:21
Spiritually, I was not a noble potter in this matter. Far from it. Within my humble child’s play, I did display preferential treatment and value.
“Some” dolls were deemed better, more valuable, more beautiful, than other dolls.
My beautiful, chosen dolls were well-kept, sometimes, even put back into their original boxes when I finished playing with them. They were treated with honor.
The “other dolls?” they were tossed aside. No special “put away” consideration was given to them.
And how did I play with those “other dolls?”
I took out everything on them, beat them up, cut their hair, took magic markers to their faces and their bodies. And, built into my playtime storylines, I usually cast them as bad people, horrible villains, who got what was coming to them.
As an adult now, having sifted through so many issues, revelations, and stages of healing, I have seen the powerful insight of “Vessels.”
They are not just cups or vases.
“Vessels” can be representatives of content, like that of dolls.
In child’s play, the individual uses their imagination, creativity, communication skills, and real-life experiences to act out certain things.
They learn. They express. They showcase value systems.
Through dolls. Vessels.
It is part of why they are used in therapies for sexual abuse and various other forms of trauma.
“Show me where you were hurt/touched.”
That kind of thing.
And, in my own doll play, as a child, I was doing just that. I didn’t know it at the time.
But the violation and the abuse that was daily life showed up through the vessels of my dolls.
It showed up and displayed the lessons I learned. These lessons were subtlety accrued.
“Children learn what they live.”
I learned “hierarchy of human value.”
I learned some people are to be abused, while others are to be reverenced, even protected.
I learned that I was supposed to reside in the “vessel of dishonor” category.
“…and… some for dishonor.”
2 Timothy 2:20
Scripture. I wish that my child’s mind and spirit could have known and grasped the power of scripture, along with the ability to critically think through and with it.
But I was the child I was. I had the reality and the limits I had.
Nevertheless, the entirety of the Vessel Passage…
“Now in a great house there are not only golden and silver vessels, but also wooden and earthen; and some indeed for honor, but some for dishonor.”
2 Timothy 2:20
What constituted “dishonor” in my house, in my circumstances? How did I learn that lesson?
More than likely, as I have come to surmise in recent years, it had a lot to do with the probable reality that I am “the product of rape.”
“A Vessel of Dishonor.”
My existence was born from shame. It was not how anyone wanted to be reminded, as they looked at me.
I learned I was unwanted.
Some of it, especially from my dad, was because I was born female.
Some of it was because I was born “illegitimate.”
I didn’t learn about being “conceived out of wedlock” until I was a teenager.
And the rape “puzzle piece?” I discovered that, decades later as an adult, based on a confession from my mother to a mutual friend.
It has been a lot to take in.
I didn’t have the language or the knowledge, back then, in my doll play. But I picked up on the abusive and violating cues. I watched how my dad treated my mother. I watched the daily mistreatment, and abusive dishonor. He groped her. He insulted her. He controlled her. He stifled her. He terrorized her. He demeaned her.
The lesson learned by my child sponge self?
That’s how a man and a woman interact with each other.
And even more painfully sinister?
That’s how females are to be treated. With dishonor. They don’t deserve anything apart from that.
No intentional verbal instruction of that lesson directly.
Just living life. And that’s what living life was reduced to for us.
Mom and I were “the bad dolls.”
Therefore, we were supposed to be dishonored and mistreated.
And, therefore, I was disqualified from EVER being considered a “vessel of honor?”
“Now in a great house there are not only golden and silver vessels, but also wooden and earthen; and some indeed for honor, but some for dishonor.”
2 Timothy 2:20
I have experienced and felt that my entire life. It’s been challenging for me to shake it. Much of it has been because of the toxic secrecy concerning “the truth.”
No one was talking. Everyone was fearful and ashamed, in one way or another.
That’s how I was raised; that’s how I grew up.
That’s how I lived.
It was not “life more abundantly” (John 10:10)
So, as an adult, now what?
What do I do?
“Teach me thy way...”
Psalm 86:11
I am, over time, being led to honoring lessons, by Yahshua, My Savior. I am being taught, uniquely, personally, and carefully that my “Vessel Status” already was decided before I was born, even, yes, possibly born as that “illegitimate product of rape.”
That is not who He created me to be. That is NOT how He sees me.
I am learning not to see myself as that now.
It is QUITE a learning curve.
For Honor…
“Therefore if anyone shall have cleansed himself from these, he will be a vessel for honor, having been sanctified, useful to the Master, having been prepared for every good work.”
2 Timothy 2:21
Often, it seems that one of The Master’s “Methods of Operations” is to take the ugly, the shameful, the dishonorable, and transform it into beauty and honor.
“To appoint to mourners in Zion, to give to them beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of dullness. And will be called to them oaks of righteousness, the planting of YHWH, for His being glorified.”
Isaiah 61:3
I am smack dab in the middle of that process now. The ashes, bit by bit, are congealing into beauty beyond the physical.
The beauty is the healing.
And healing is taking place, dare I decree it, bit by bit.
“From Glory to Glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Now…Treasure…
“Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from The Most High and not from us.”
2 Corinthians 4:7
One of the biggest, newest lessons I’m learning and inhabiting is that I am not only a “vessel of honor,” but also the Treasure inside.
He is working, moving, healing, in and with the entirety of His Creations.
He is doing it for me now.
And He does not show preferential treatment (Acts 10:34).
He will do the same for you, as you address and heal from your own violations of your own vessel. How you were hurt and what you learned as a child can be transformed now, as He continues to shape who you have always been in His Eyes, His Love, and His Honor.
Let’s pray.
Abba-
We come to You, in The Mighty Name of Your Son, Yahshua.
You know the painful violation and trauma we have endured.
For some of us, it goes all the way back to childhood.
We learned that we were supposed to only be dishonored and abused.
That is not who You created us to be.
Thank You for that.
Still, we need so much help unlearning that dishonor and learning what is means to be You Vessel of Honor now, moving forward.
Help us to do that.
You know Our struggles and efforts; You know our pain.
Forgive us for holding any bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness, especially concerning those around us who appear to be an enemy or an oppressor to our situations.
Forgive us for treating ourselves poorly, in dishonoring ways as well.
We need You intervening with Your Love and Your Divine Lessons in Honor.
Rebuild us, as only You can.
Thank You for the healing that is occurring now, even as we pray this prayer.
We receive it, in The Mighty Name of Yahshua.
Amen.
Copyright © 2026 by Sheryle Cruse
